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Intense pain and possible bleeding (or implications if they don’t) are among the many causes of apprehension women have about having sex for the first time. The first experience is very important because it dictates the woman’s sexual behavior: if the first is too painful or traumatic, she might develop distaste for the act itself and eventually her partner.

You must then understand that the sexual act is both art and science. Read this article with your partner to have a better understanding of how the act should be done, especially if you are doing it for the first time.

Talk about sex. If you care for each other, you have to talk about sex. Compare notes. It is all right to discuss this so you can understand each other’s preferences, wants, needs, and even the level of your ignorance about it. It is also important to talk about past sexual experiences, if there are—without naming names, of course, because this might only cause unnecessary trouble. Be honest about your sexual experiences. Figure out if you and your partner are on the same page about sex.

Foreplay. You must start the act by kissing and touching each other’s body to prepare both reproductive organs: in terms of erection for him, and dilation for you. Foreplay stimulates the vagina to produce natural lubricants. You should also use this time to think if you really are ready to take the plunge. You know there’s no turning back once you’ve done the act.

Start “small.” Once the vagina is fully lubricated, ask your partner to carefully insert his ring finger in a circular manner, eventually inserting two or more. The purpose of using fingers is to familiarize the vagina with foreign matter: start with something smaller before going for upsize. Generally, two fingers may represent up to a 1.5”-diameter penis and so on.
 
Penetration. Ask him to introduce his penis very slowly and gently, and while this is being done, it would be nice to keep saying “I love you” to each other. Advance with care up to the hilt. This would be the painful part of penetrative sex. At this moment, the woman’s hymen will break, possibly causing pain and bleeding. Once the penis is in, ask your man to leave it inside for two to four minutes without pumping. Imagine a fresh wound: you wouldn’t want it poked, since any form of friction or pressure will certainly hurt. After a few glorious minutes, tell him to withdraw and let you rest.

Re-insertion. I know both of you are excited to try it again. Just repeat the steps, but this time, allow your partner to pump a little. Tell him to be sensitive! If it is still painful, tell him so he would stop. If it already feels pleasurable, allow him to pump harder. Remember, the aftermath is more consequential than the act itself.