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Spoiler alert!

For a movie with so much promise, for one that was supposed to be an awe-inspiring adventure, 10,000 BC was, to be honest, kind of dragging. (I was tempted to name this post "10,000 B-Zzzz" but it wasn’t that bad.)

In a nutshell: A group of bad guys attacks a tribe, enslaves a bunch of the tribespeople, including a pretty blue-eyed chick, who happens to be the object of the lead character’s affections. Lead character goes off on a quest to save said chick, picking up some supporters along the way. They follow the kidnapped peeps all the way to the end of the world, where a civilization with a pseudo-god uses the conquered people to build pyramids and temples. I think you can pretty much guess how this ends.

How can you go wrong with mammoths, a sabertooth tiger, ostrich-like creatures running amok in the jungle, tribesmen chasing after a group of men on “four-legged demons” (i.e., horses) across snow-covered mountains and vast desserts? Well, for starters, you could have a bland, cliche-filled script. It seemed like the actors were struggling to squeeze some depth and emotion out of words that lacked them. I know this was supposed to be 12,000 years ago, but a script filled with two-syllable words? Come on. Even the lead character’s “rousing” speech to rally the hunters-turned-warriors wasn’t all that inspiring. It kinda made me miss, “Tonight we dine in hell!” (Now there was a good movie. Such a simple plot but it was still highly entertaining. Yes, it can be done.)

The film is not without its merits, particularly the technical aspects. It would’ve been way better if it had been tighter–they could’ve shortened or cut out a few scenes. And a little more blood would’ve been nice. It was a bit too Narnia, people being killed left and right without any blood being spilled. (I am not a fan of gore; I was just searching for something a little more…realistic?) But hey, it’s got a G rating so it’s great for the kiddies.

I’m not going to say it was a complete waste of time–at the very least, it added to my list of dream pets: a sabertooth tiger to go with my polar bear and lion. If you’re gonna go and see it, be prepared to be impressed by the special effects, the scenery, Camilla Belle’s baby blues...and not much else.