sis beijhing, ang dami kong gusto sabihin sayo. di ko lang alam anong puede kong unahin. kasi I have been there, done this, done that, done everything.
sobrang hirap na hirap na kasi talaga ko mga sis. i've confronted him several times pero wala naman ako nakuha. mismong mga katrabaho nya na nagtetext sa kin pero stick pa rin sya sa story nya na maraming tsismosa sa trabaho. someone na nakasama nila sa inuman contacted me na rin pero anong gagawin ko sa mga sabi-sabing nakikita at text lang kung ayaw talaga umamin ni hubby. ayaw rin naman ako suportahan ng mga kumokontak sa kin, simply because ayaw nila madamay. i feel so alone sa laban ko na to. i wanted to get proof, recent and solid proof that something's going on between them para matahimik na ko. i know i love my husband so much na kaya ko sya patawarin, sobrang martyr but i know ganon ang gagawin ko.
may nag-quote sa kin 60000 daw deposit. pag may natira babalik nila sa kin, pag kulang hihingi sila uli. lalo kong nalungkot
yup, check check check. ganyan na ganyan pa nangyari sakin. sa sobrang desperate, I am willing to shell out hundred of thousands for this. and for what? just to spend more. kasi di sila tumitigil eh. so ang metro continuous parin. kaya natauhan ako - na alam ko na naman, so hindi ko na kelangan mag imbistiga.
felt so alone? yes. definitely. at that time, I was looking for someone to help me and defend my rights as the wife and as a woman. I just want a hero to clear all my burdens. Kaso it only happens in movies. I just had to face it. Wala akong choice, he pushed me to my limits. I went to the brink of my sanity, nakakaloka sya. Kakaisip. Wala nakong tulog. It was horrible. I went to all novenas na. Wala parin. I sought God's help. wala parin. Hanggang I was so desperate, I just committed suicide.
luckily, nabuhay ako. mas madali magsalita ngayon at wala nako sa problemang iyan. but all I can say that it was a struggle for 10+ long years. Sinarili ko kasi lahat. Reason? Because Umaasa pako na magkakabalikan kami at nakakahiya malaman ng iba once na magkabalikan na kami, tapos babaero asawa ko. In this instance, I suggest you go to some counseling so you can have someone to talk to. Sa kanya mo nalang igastos yung 60k para sa PI, to help you clear your mind. And the cost would only be a small fraction of that 60k. Spending for the PI will just drain your energy (kung anong malalaman mo at idedeny lang nya at ikaw pa masama) and money (for your own financial freedom and your kids' future kung may anak na kayo). Nung natauhan ako, I just thought enough na spending on useless things like the PI and I just focused on more productive things for myself, nag aral ulit ako, went shopping, went counseling, took care of the kids and myself very very well. I focused on my work so I can earn more, tried to get as much money din from him (hindi extortion naman pero justified for our house expenses para ipon ko na sweldo ko in case I am ready to walk out).
i wanted to get proof, recent and solid proof that something's going on between them para matahimik na ko. i know i love my husband so much na kaya ko sya patawarin, sobrang martyr but i know ganon ang gagawin ko.
madaling magpatawad if the guy is remorseful and willing to change his ways. eh pano kung ayaw nya? anong gagawin mo? wala kang magagawa rin naman eh. that's the hard truth. Judging from your story, parang ito ang trip nya, hindi umamin ever and keep you and the mistress. And I myself experienced this. emprenteng emprente sya enjoying both worlds, bakit nga naman sya papayag to give way if he can have both of you.
ayaw magpahuli nung tao, so paano mo sya mahuhuli? and ang problema din, alam nya mahal ko sya and I was willing to forgive him. I was even willing to take care of his bastard for him. in your case, I am sure alam nya na hindi mo sya kaya iwan, so sige happy happy lang sya sa ways nila. tutal andyan ka naman palagi.
but telling you now to pack up your bags and leave is also not the immediate solution. ikaw lang makakapagsabi kung kelan ka handa and no one can tell you that. this, you have to figure it out on your own.
^sis as i've said, i know kaya ko sya patawarin. hindi ko sya hihiwalayan. i just think i deserve an apology and then maybe the healing process can begin.
nagmamalaskit daw sila sa kin, naaawa sila sa kin kasi alam nila na mabait akong asawa. pero ayaw nilang madamay dahil maaring trabaho nila ang maging kapalit.
again, it cannot be as simple as that. the fact na naglie low sya, ibig sabihin, he is willing to go out of his way to protect his affair. therefore the intent is ipagpatuloy. and nothing can stop them. so, anong patawad ang sinasabi mo? How can a person apologize if he is not even sorry for it?
pag ako kasi nasa sitwasyon mo hindi ko nalang kasi aalamin e...since kaya mo naman siya patawarin hindi ko nalang aalamin
alam ko kasi na darating ang time na iyong info na kailangan ko...
yes sis, but this is easier said than done. when you are at that situation, you want to know everything but cannot. sobrang helpless ng feeling. grabe kasi yung betrayal. He promised to love you and be loyal to you. You expected him to protect you and take care of you, pero imbis, sya pa ang magdudulot sayo ng ganitong klaseng sama ng loob.
ikaw ba may napapansin kang pag babago simula noong mga panahon na iyon? like late na umuwi, lagi lumalabas etc?
Does he still pay attention to your feelings? Or walang paki at sarili lang nya inaatupag nya? Ex ko ganyan, hindi nanga umuuwi kasi lagi daw nasa field work, or nasa out of town. Ako naman t*t**** t*nga na paniwalang paniwala.
sis beijhing, nakaka inis yang mga nagte-text sayo puro sulsol lang alam, binigyan ka lang ng sama ng loob.
Actually, having been in that situation, I would want to know each and every move ni hubby and therefore I would appreciate anything people can tell me. Nangyari narin ito sakin. Ang problem lang, initially they don't want to tell me kasi ayaw nila makialam. Kaso naaawa nanga sila sakin so somehow they have to tell me. What they don't understand is I need more help than what they think (since I am always composed when out and hiding my suffering only to myself). I did not go out in the open kasi I am hoping magkakaayos pa kami. But then these "pakialameros" if you want to call them that, are just doing you a favor, pero may hangganan. Kasi once nagreconcile kayo, if ever, baka labas nila eh naninira pa ng pamilya. Paano kung gusto rin naman talaga ng wife magpaloko, sila pa ang sumisira sa pagsasama. So hindi rin kasi nila alam kung saan sila lulugar, but the willingness to help eh andun naman.
pasundan mo na lang si hubby sa friend mo, yung totoong willing kang tulungan hindi yang mga nagte-text na nagpapanggap lang na concerned. mas maganda kung may pic/vid. pero hindi enough proof kung may makakita na lagi magkasama or hinahatid. andaming cheater pero andami ring malisyoso/malisyosa.
This is the best, kung may close friend ka talaga na hindi kilala ni hubby, puede mo pasundan, para mas tipid.
Pero by doing this, just get ready to get hurt more and more. The info trickles one at a time. Just as I thought I heard the worse, hindi pa pala. Tuwing may nalalaman ako, pa worse pa nang pa worse. Get ready for the worse.
Mas maganda sana if you are ready to walk out para you can free yourself from this burden, IN CASE naman lang na ayaw nya magbago. Kasi hindi naman din magl-last ang relasyon ninyo nang masaya kung ipipilit nya ang gawi nya.
However, kung gusto mo maging martyr at gawin itong burden panghabang buhay, it is your choice. I am sure mapapagod karin. Ang question lang hanggang kailan. I for one was also martyr. Iyak nang iyak gabi gabi. Hanggang napagod din ako. That's why it took me at least a decade to realize it. Pero sana hindi ganun kahaba ang maging agony mo sis. I wish you well.
For the known philandering husbands in politics and showbiz, iniisip ko nga how their first wives can take it. Pinagtitinginan na sila ng mga tao na mukhang talaga silang mga t*nga, pero sige parin ang sama sa husbands nila, minsan hindi mo na alam kung mahal talaga nila or kelangan lang nila yung pera. Pero one time a family friend said (sya ang first wife and her husband had 2 other wives aside from her), nung pumanaw hubby nya, never daw sya natahimik sa buong buhay nya until namatay asawa nya kasi first time alam nya kung asan asawa nya 24/7. Sana huwag mo naman antayin iyan bago ka magkaron ng peace of mind. Life is too short to spend it for people who are not worth it. Hindi ka pinalaki nang maayos ng parents mo para g*guhin lang at babuyin ng isang nilalang na walang kakwenta kwenta. And if ever you decide to leave, just be hopeful as there is always life after love. There is life after separation, and indeed it is much much more peaceful and happier if you will make the right choices.