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Author Topic: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?  (Read 6098 times)

m_lim

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nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« on: December 01, 2012, 09:13:50 AM »
separated ang parents ko at tutor ang mom ko. ang rent niya, kuryente, pagkain, basta basic needs para mabuhay, younger sister niya ang gumagastos.

yung income niya, sa kanya lang talaga. sa wants niya. hindi niya kami sinusustentuhan EVER. s

in short, sarili lang niya ang dapat niya asikasuhin. pero hindi parin niya magawa. palagi siyang short sa pera, ang daming utang kani kanino. pati maid namin noon hinihiraman niya. ganyan siya ka desperado.

noon pa kasi nung magkasama pa sila ng father ko, sakit na niya ang gumastos/ mangutang. hanggang ngayon, ganyan parin siya.

sinubukan ko narin siya bigyan ng puhunan, kaso nauwi lang sa wala. binibigyan ko siya parati noon pag nanghihingi pero nakakasawa rin pala.

i want to respect and love my mother. nanay ko siya eh. pero seriously, nakaka drain, nakakapikon, nakakabaliw na halos everyday ka hingan ng pera na demanding pa. like- kailangan ko ng pera today, padala mo nalang. (wow, ikaw na nanghihingi, ako pa mag deliver! ayos.)

honestly, i do not hate her. ayaw ko nalang siya sa buhay ko kung pwede nga lang. kaso hindi eh. nanay ko siya eh. ano pa bang pwede kong gawin sa kanya?

sistah!

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2012, 02:54:08 PM »
how old is your mother? i think a lot of money issues really stem from poor financial knowlege but more importantly, we live in a culture where family takes care of family kaya may mga ganyan. your mother lives with a lot of enablers. she probably acts like that because she knows she can always get away with it.

sana may magbigay ng advice because i dont know if your mom can handle it pag sya ang nagbayad lahat ng bills bigla para makita nya yung value ng pera...
arf! arf! woof! woof!

skyrimgal

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2012, 11:01:58 PM »
my mom is like that but she had mellowed in recent years. may gambling problem kasi. hindi niya nakikita na may gambling problem siya. hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin niya maamin na hindi siya marunong mag-self control pagdating sa sugal. at hindi rin marunong mag manage ng pera.

ang tatay ko malaki ang sahod noon (kapitan ng barko) pero wala silang ipon ngayong nasa retirement age na sila. nag-try din mag start ng kung ano-anong business ang nanay ko noon pero hindi nga marunong mag-handle ng pera. hindi marunong mag-handle ng bills (laging nakakalimutan magbayad before ng due date). naalala ko nung bata ako, madalas kami maputulan ng kuryente kasi either nakalimutan bayaran o walang pambayad. medyo nagsimula magmellow si mother nung nag-away kami nung nasa college pa ako.. paano ba naman muntik na ako hindi grumaduate kasi pati yung pang tuition ko sa college ginalaw. magmula noon hindi na kami napuputulan ng kuryente. lol
hay naku, super hirap mabuhay kasama sa bahay ang ganyang klaseng tao. pero in fairness, mahal ko si mother. pero madalas itong issue na ito ang root ng awayan sa family. minsan nakakainggit din yung mga family na "normal" pero naiisip ko rin na meron pa ring nanay somewhere na mas malala sa nanay ko so medyo okay na rin. lol

tama si sistah, your mom knows she can do it because she can get away with it. minsan tiisin niyo tignan niyo how she would react.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2012, 11:07:39 PM by skyrimgal »

aquacharly

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2012, 11:14:03 PM »
Give her an allowance & even if she throws a tantrum --  do not give her a cent more.

About her debts -- eventually people learn their lesson, & will stop accommodating her requests for loans.

Wala ka nang magagawa about her  financial irresponsibility -- yet, you can't turn your back on her -- so to  minimize wear & tear on you --  play hardball with an allowance. 

Priceless

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2012, 08:59:01 AM »
What does she do when you say to her na wala kang perang mabibigay or mapapahiram? Baka naman she could use some tough love/disciplining?

ms.holly

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2012, 07:21:57 AM »
na alala ko yung napanood ko sa suzy orman show kinda like the same situation na daughter b\nag fifinance ng luho ni mader until cia e close to wala na. sabe ni suzy orman say NO ( or llike what aquacharly said- stick to a budget) "because sometimes helping hurts and hurting helps" So let her learn her lesson. When you turn your back on her she will have no option but to stop her luho and act responsibly
The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

m_lim

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2012, 09:55:33 PM »
mga sis, nagkasundo na kami noon pa na bibigyan ko siya ng allowance. pero still, ganoon parin.

kahit sabihin kong wala akong pera, magtetext/tatawag parin yan almost everyday asking for more. imagine niyo nalang ang torture sa utak ko. sinabi mo ng wala pero sige ng sige pa rin.

ngayon, nagtext nanaman ang sister niya (tita ko), may sumugod nanaman sa bahay nila, naniningil ng utang. ilang beses na ito nangyari.

yung mga tao sa paligid ng nanay ko, malapit ng mabaliw sa mga pinaggagagawa niya.

kahit hindi ko siya bigyan, or hindi siya bigyan ng sister niya, hahanap at hahanap siya ng mauutangan. ewan ko ba, wala ng katapusan.

lonelymiss28

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2012, 10:45:57 PM »
sis, same tayo...although my mom passed away early this year. nung buhay pa si mom i would send her monthly na di bababa sa P12k, pag bday and christmas 24k to 38k and guess what? in 3 weeks ubos...malaki maliit ubos. and super baon sila sa utang to think may apartment sila na every month kumukita ng 25-30k at 3 lang sila sa bahay kasama yung bunso ako pa nagpaaral sa bunso namin.

it all boils down na ikaw dapat ang mag control ng perang pinaghirapan mo, knowing na ganyan ang mom mo instead na pera ibigay mo sa kanya....groceries kung nasa pinas ka kung wala naman, ipabili mo sa pwede mong mapagkatiwalaan...or kung pera ang mas convenient sa iyo then make sure na yung tama lang na panggastos nya sa isang buwan at wala ng sosobra pa and also mag-ipon ka rin para sa medical expenses nya in the future (yung kaya mo lang like P200/mo.) dahil sobrang draining pag nagkasakit mom mo at sa budget mo pa ikaw kukuha ng panggastos. ang hirap ng sitwasyon mo, pero may solusyon yan at ikaw lang din ang makaka solve nun, about your mom do not expect her to change...di na mababago yan....if ever man....isang napakalaking kahihiyan muna aabutin nya bago nya ma realize ang mga bagay. and you giving her more wont solve but infact lalo pang lalala and finacial ng family mo maaapektuhan. hwag mo ng paabutin pang dumating dun.

m_lim

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2012, 12:12:05 AM »
ang hirap kasi sa kanya, pag tinulungan mo, pati ikaw uubusin niya hanggang mapunta ka rin sa kangkungan.

sabi nga ng tita ko, gusto na niyang pasundan minsan kung ano ano ba talaga pinaggagawa niya everyday, kung saan niya ginagastos ang pera.

hindi ko alam kung may lalaki siyang sinusustentuhan or yung luho lang talaga niya.

ang nakakainis pa, yung way ng panghihing. example:

short ako ngayon, padalhan mo ako sa cebuana. itutos mo nalang sa maid diyan o idaan mo dito ngayon.

napaka demanding manghingi, nakaka alala lang pag manghihingi.

lonelymiss28

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2012, 01:30:00 AM »
i know how you feel, but you really have to be firm by the looks of it alam kasi ng mom mo na di mo sya matitiis at bibigay ka sa gusto nya...so from now on wake up and be strong...di nakakatulong ang palagiang pagbibigay ng pera, magbigay ka once a month then that's it....hwag kang papadala sa control nya. what she's doing to you is a form of control kasi.

indigo.tulle

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2012, 03:53:48 PM »
almost on the same boat with someone in my hubby's lineage.

they used to be really rich, earning millions per month..tapos yung wife would buy new bags, shoes, clothes and accessories everyday.  yung tipong, never talaga umuulit.  business went sour and tuloy pa rin ang ligaya niya because the husband would give her her allowance.  nagwawala kasi kung ndi bigyan..hanggang sa maging P30k per month na lang.

then...they went to resorts world and naubos ang pera...ginawa kasing business ang casino.

point is, never matatapos sis ang financial problem, hanggang sa may nagbibigay...worst, it will drag anyone down with her, and sadly, napupunta lang sa 'basura' (hubby would call her things kasi puro fakes naman) yung pera na pinaghirarapan.  kung walang pera, nagnanakaw pa sa tinitirahaan, anything that she gets obssessed with kasi ndi nagpapatalo.

...you can set the right lifestyle she can live comfortably with. and period.  may sariling family na tayo sis ...which should be our priority.  tama ba?
« Last Edit: December 12, 2012, 03:58:35 PM by indigo.tulle »

akireyhoj

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #11 on: December 12, 2012, 04:04:59 PM »
sis m_lim:

we have the same problem. ganyan din ang nanay ko. walang naipon sa pagwowork ng tatay ko as seaman sis skyrimgal pareho silang seaman ng tatay ko pumpman lang yung daddy ko. 35 years nagbarko tatay ko, walang naipundar. meron kami nabiling lote sa batangas dati nung college pa ko 200 SQM. ayun nabenta lang kasi 1 year di nakapag work tatay ko, yung pinagbentahan? di ko alam san napunta. sa totoo lang, ako lang grad samin magkakapatid ako lang ata yung bunga sa paghihirap ng tatay ko. meron silang bahay na hinuhulugan sa pag ibig. masakit man wala akong naitutulong samin. kasi nakakawalang gana.

alam mo yung feeling na dapat sahod nila eh kanila lang? my dad is still working at the age of 60. pero ano nangyayari? pambayad utang lang. kahit anong sabihin kong mag ipon hindi nangyayari. tulad nito kakasahod lang, kanino napunta pera? sa mga apo. sa mga kamag anak sa kanila walang natabi. me utang nanay ko sakin 20k pinalabas ko sa ibang tao, kasi malapit na silang palayasin sa bahay na hinuhulugan nila. nugn sinisingil ko dedma lang. masakit sa loob ko, ipon ko kasi yun pinag hirapan ko kung alam lang nya na ayaw ko na sa pinag tatrabahuhan ko. kung alam lang nya na ang hirap kumita ng pera ayoko mag resign kasi ayaw ko umasa sa kanya. si bf nga pinapagalitan na ko bakit ko daw kasi pinahiram doubt sya kung mababalik pa.

ilang araw ko na nga to kinikimkim eh masamang masama loob ko. madami ako plano for them kaso ayoko sa nakikita ko pag meron sila hindi nila iniipon binibigay sa iba ilang beses na nila naranasan na pag wala sila yung tinutulungan nila hindi sila tinutulungan hindi pa din nadadala.

hirap magpalaki ng magulang

m_lim

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2012, 06:09:50 PM »
sobrang hirap talaga magpalaki ng magulang. kahit gustong gusto mo ng talikuran, hindi pwede eh. magulang mo. hindi naman pwede magpalit ng magulang!

ganyan rin style niya sis indigo, pati sister niya ninanakawan niya (since sila magkasama sa bahay), pati nga ako lolokohin pa, makakuha lang ng pera. unbelievable!





akireyhoj

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2012, 09:05:34 PM »
^ako naman tinataguan ng pera. Mag iinarte na walang pera tapos malalaman ko meron pala para nga naman yung pera nya bibigay nya sa mga kapatid ko at mauutakan nya ko. Ang sakit lang..

Miss Charcoal

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #14 on: January 29, 2013, 08:55:32 PM »
Sis, baka kelangan niya na nang professional help?

agape

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #15 on: February 01, 2013, 10:28:05 AM »
Do you give her daily, weekly, or monthly allowance? That can tell how much and how often siya gumastos. Also does she always leave the house?

My aunt never had a credit card (except yung egg Sevilla noon worth 3k). But she used to have supplementary card ng brother niya kaso magastos nga, although mostly groceries, madami unnecessary, and madami ng stock na mabilis din ubusin Kasi marmi naman. Her brother cut off her card and made me the supplementary card instead para kahit paano may control Kasi I would always know and Pwede ko isumbong. Kaso Sawa na mag support uncle, so ako na next in line when I graduated and started working.

Now, my aunt got a bdo credit card, which I always paid in full and on time kaso dinaig Nya ako sa gastusan. 30k in a month na sagad Nya credit limit, kaya Sabi ko cut off na, ako rin naman nag buy ng medicines and groceries e dumoble Lang gastusin ko. So cut na, kaso eto nakakuha ulit ng credit card Metrobank naman, Sabi ko I will never pay for it, yun yung usapan namin. Ayun until now na max na niya so di niya magamit, at di Nya rin mabayaran, gusto na raw Nya ipacutoff kaso need to pay in full muna. Hinayana ko na Lang kahit magka interest para am bad credit standing siya at para di na ulit mabigyan ng credit card ng Ibang bank. Senior na nga nd no job e. I let it hurt her, hoping it would help her, and us.
She use it as her security Kasi e.
Integrity, Ethics, Etiquette...

m_lim

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #16 on: February 28, 2013, 02:18:15 AM »
^sis, hindi kami magkasama sa bahay since i was 7. actually, ang kinakapikon ko eh yung itetext lang ako para humingi ng pera.

wala na nga kasi kaming paki sa isat isa simula ng naghiwalay sila ng parents ko. lumaki ako wala siya tapos araw arawin ka ba naman ng hingi.


ang latest text: wala ka ba diyan kahit magkano lang? pagtiyagaan mo nalang ako.

unbelievable. kinikilabutan ako ganyan magsalita ang nanay ko!

break_free

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #17 on: February 28, 2013, 03:56:37 AM »
^ Nakakaloka naman ang mother mo sis. :( I'm sorry ha. Well, hirap din kasi hindi-an lalo na at mother mo pa. Basta kung wala ka maibibigay, wag. Kung ano lang kaya mo, yun lang.

sis agape, grabe sis 30k in one month? may i know kung anong appliance or gadget ang binili niya? I think tama lang ang ginawa mo, in that way napa-realize mo na she has to make control and tipid talaga kasi di biro magkautang sa cc ngayon, maiistress ka sa mga collectors na aaraw arawin ka. tulad nung sa isang thread.

maiandra

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #18 on: February 28, 2013, 05:47:48 AM »
At least kayo mother nyo yung ganun, saken mother in law. Hate ko talaga sya. She would claim hindi na sya nagsusugal at her age 60 pero tuloy pa rin pala. So my hubby doesn't believe her na and we give money as groceries. We dont give more than what we can afford to lose.

Vicious cycle yan, they have an addiction to spending what they don't have.
Live your dreams

agape

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Re: nanay na addict sa pera- what to do?
« Reply #19 on: February 28, 2013, 11:02:19 AM »
@break_free,
wala naman gadget or appliance, naparami lang sya ng groceries, takot kasi yun na walang laman ang ref e akala mo mamatay sa gutom, at kung magpaluto ng lunch yun mga 2-3 ulam, tapos mapapanis lang kasi ayoko naman ng recycled food palagi e. Tapos maninisi na inubos nya ang food kesa mapanis, kaya sya tumataba.
Also she buys mga clothes, shoes and bags, gusto nya may bago. Di ko na sya masyado sinasama sa shopping ko kasi if I buy shoes dapat sya meron din, else she self-pities.
Saka ayaw nya kasi mukhang kawawa, nag-s-self-pity sya kasi mga classmates nya e successful sa life, sya walang ginawang big sa buhay nya. Pag me event/reunions gusto nya bago yung suot nya kasi ilang beses na raw nakita yung existing clothes nya ng mga classmates nya, parang artista dapat bago lagi suot. I actually bought her a lot of ukay clothes para wala na syang excuse magshopping pa ng clothes, ang problem nya is paano ayusin sa cabinet nya. Lolz.

I wish nga araw-araw-in sya ng Collectors e. Para maramdaman nya talaga ang stress at hindi na sya umulit. She still owes Metrobank CC. Di nya mapa-cut kasi nag cash advance sya dun ng 10k twice so 20k. Ewan ko san napunta pera nya.
Integrity, Ethics, Etiquette...

 

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