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Author Topic: How do couples get back together?  (Read 3584 times)

purple.strawberry

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How do couples get back together?
« on: August 01, 2012, 11:49:04 AM »
This might be a long post.


So... my boyfriend for more than 6 years broke up with me.

He's my first boyfriend, since fourth year highschool hanggang nagwowork na, and we believed na kami na talaga. We loved each other so much. But the last few months away kami ng away, madaming reasons. Sobrang busy kasi niya sa work (accountant), puro OT, plus he was reviewing for the board exam sa review center, and siyempre nagdedemand din ako ng time. Nabanggit niya before na nasasakal na siya pero di ko pinapansin kasi naisip ko, paano ka masasakal kung di ka naman nakakapagbigay ng time?

Ako rin may issues na nun, na di ko na gusto yung ugali niya, tipong madali na siyang magalit, puro away ganito ganyan.

And then nagbreak kami nung June, actually it's just a silly thing. Pero I was relieved din, kasi natulong ako sa kanya financially, tapos yun pang strain na puro kami away. Ilang beses na naman kaming nagbreak, pero di natagal ng 5 days, merong isa sa'min na makikipagbalikan. Eto, for the first time, hindi ganun, aabot na ng almost a month bago ko siya sinuyo.

At that time sinabi niya sa'kin na hindi na niya ko mahal.

So I was devastated. And then we had this "talk" kinabukasan, sinabi niyang he's unhappy, sabi ko ako din. Sabi niya mas madalas na malungkot siya kesa masaya, and he kept saying sorry which really breaks my heart. Cause I'd never thought na kaya niyang wala ako, na iiwan niya ko. Sabi niya mahal na mahal niya ko before, mas mahal niya ko sa sarili niya, di niya alam bakit nawala, siguro napagod lang siya kasi nga puro kami away. Mahal pa niya ko pero di na ganun. Aminado naman ako na ganun na din sa side ko.

Nung naghiwalay kami magaan pakiramdam namin both and he texted me na mahal niya ko. Though nagkausap kami na we're still friends (siyempre I was hoping na mababago din yun). Kinabukasan ayaw niya magpahawak ng kamay, simpleng yakap, etc. So I asked and sabi niya, di niya sure kung mahal pa niya ko. And then palit-palit siya na hindi niya sure, mahal niya ko pero konti na lang, di niya sure.

Yung almost one month na nagbreak kami he already arranged to go abroad early next year. Mahirap lang kasi family nila, kahit di siya panganay siya yung parang breadwinner. Ayaw niyang umasa ako kasi hindi daw unfair sa'kin, he believes that there's someone much better for me, hindi niya sure feelings niya. This is the kind of guy na talagang seloso, so masakit yung parang pinupush na niya ko sa iba. Sabi niya nung nagbreak kami nakita niyang nagsisi ako, na bumalik ako to loving him, pero opposite daw epekto sa kanya. Sabi niya masaya na siya ngayon mag-isa, nakakapag-aral.

Siguro kasalanan ko din na lumala situation namin kasi tuwing nagkikita kami iniiyakan ko siya, kahit ayaw na niya ng ganun. Last night na nagkita kami parang masigla siya pero nananadyang mang-inis, pabara sumagot ("binasa mo ba yung gift ko sao?" "tinapon ko na"), though he was the nicest guy I know. Parang bigla siyang nagbuild ng wall, ayaw na din niya talagang lumapit physically.

And even though sabi kong di na ko iiyak, naiyak din ako nung sinasabi kong I should be happy when he's happy even though hindi ako part nun, at ang dami-dami kong sinabi. Nabanggit din niya na napatawad na niya ko but may bitterness pa rin kasi kung nakinig daw ako sa kanya, sana ok pa din kami ngayon. Tas yun, nagteary-eyed siya, pinipigil mag-iyak nung nagsasalit ako (thank you for his love, that's his greatest gift, etc.). Then nagsoften siya, sabi niya napatawad na niya ko and niyakap niya ko. Then parang may hardness ulit, sabi niya, ang kelangan ko daw maging matigas. Tsaka siguro daw hindi na kami dapat magkita.

I'm just really heartbroken kasi we really loved each other so much. Alam ko din, even though I was his third gf, na ako lang minahal niya ng ganun. One time we went to church and said to God na kahit hindi pa kami kasal, we're already husband and wife.


My friends say give it time. Sabi ng ate ko after last night wag na palamigin ko muna siya ng ilang weeks, pag nagkita kami ulit wag na ko iiyak, be light lang, magkwentuhan ng nonsense things, walang pressure.

My fear lang ako cause mukhang stick na siya sa decision niya, to go abroad kahit 1-2 years. Kasi kung yung almost one month na nagbreak kami parang nakamove on na siya, paano pa pag di na kami nagkita kahit ilang weeks lang. :(

I just don't believe (please give me your opinion on this girls) na masaya kayo for 6 long years, na although mahirap yung last months, mawawala na yung love mo para sa isang tao. Nahirapan din naman ako and ilang beses ko din inisip makipagbreak na cause I wanted to be happy, pero minemaintain ko na rough spot lang to sa relationship namin.

Is it possible to move on na ganun kabilis, mawala ang feelings? And how do couples get back together?

jenybasti

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2012, 08:58:23 AM »
^ sis, sigurado ka ba walang 3rd party sa part nya??
YOU CAN REPLACE ME BUT
YOU CAN'T REPLACE THE MEMORIES YOU HAD WITH ME.

purple.strawberry

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2012, 09:05:06 AM »
^hi sis, yes I'm sure. I trust him fully on that department. Tsaka when we had the "talk," tinanong ko rin yun and sinabi niyang the whole relationship and hanggang nung nagkakausap kami nun, he's been loyal. Kaya nga sobrang fear din yung nararamdaman ko kasi ganun siya kaloyal sa'kin before, now he's open na pwede siyang magkagusto sa iba, ako ganun din. :(

don em

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2012, 09:50:16 AM »
Siguro nasakal nga sya. I'm an accountant too and I had an ex bf (my first) who is also an accountant. I can relate to you sis, yung pagdedemand ng time from him. Lagi din syang OT. Madalas paawa effect ako or nang aaway kasi nga, kahit [textspeak!] or call wala. We love each other, pero dahil nga sa away at madalas masama loob ko, we decided to split.

Looking back, I believe we can be a great couple. I do not blame everything to myself. But If I have known things before, na-work out pa sana namin. Things I learned:

1. He want his job and sobrang nakakastress to work in an auditing firm. Sana, instead of demanding time from him, naging supportive na lang ako. Sana naging mas independent ako.
2. Sana hindi ako laging available for him. Since wala nga syang time madalas, when he's off, nagleleave pa ako just to be with him. At minsan, I was expecting the same thing from him (which is wrong).
3. I could have been more of a friend than a girlfriend. Someone na gagaan pakiramdam nya kapag kausap ako. Yung wala masyadong drama. Siguro, kung ganun ako, kahit sobrang pagod sya from work, he would call or text me kasi mawawala pagod nya kapag kausap nya ako. Dati kasi I tell him to resign na lang pag nagkwekwento sya how he was stressed sa work. Or nakakadagdag pa ko sa problem nya.

Mabait si exBF. Parang malungkot din sya kasi nga hindi nya ako mapasaya that time. Kasi I was demanding time which he cannot give to me. His fault, he doesnt know how to handle the stress of our relationship. He lack of expressing and showing his love for me. Feeling ko ako lang ang gumagawa ng paraan para masave relationship namin. Kaya nga he agreed na rin that we part ways.

Hindi kami nagkabalikan. I had a new BF and he had a new GF. We both learned the lessons from our relationship. Nagkatuluyan sila at nagkatuluyan kami ni 2nd BF.

I have no regrets naman. My husband is loving me the way I wanted to be loved. I do not need to demand :).





purple.strawberry

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #4 on: August 02, 2012, 10:33:56 AM »
^Sis, did either one of you try to get the other one back?

It's more of his decision than mine. Pero yun nga, hindi ko siya sinuyo kaagad. He said that he proved one thing nung isang buwan na nagbreak kami. It's not that he can't live without him, it's that I can. Totoo namang I was relieved when we broke up, pero nung sinabi niya ng ayaw na niya talaga, parang dun lang ako nagising.

I want to get another chance. Yun ngang nagkaroon kami ng "talk," sinabi niyang he still loves me and I felt it too. Kaya lang siguro I approached it the wrong way, kasi the next few times when he says na hindi siya sure sa feelings niya sa'min, iniiyakan ko lang siya.

Right now kasi nararamdaman kong staunch na siya sa decision niya. Siguro, for me, okay lang magkahiwalay kami ngayon, pero I want to know, as in definite, if he still loves me. We'd been together for that long, kahit away-bati kami the past 6 months, even after nagbreak kami ng 1 buwan, ako I know that mahal ko pa rin siya. I don't know if he thinks about our past, yung pinagsamahan namin. Parang bigla akong naging nostalgic and narealize ko mga mali ko.

I felt, nung sinabi niyang may bitterness pa siya, that sinisisi niya ko. Pero in a way natuwa din ako dahil naramdaman ko na he wants/ed us to work. Natuwa din ako na nagpakita siya ng emotions, na naiiyak siya, kasi nalaman ko na nasasaktan din siya.

don em

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2012, 02:39:53 PM »
Not really sure if he did. When we broke up, nung first few weeks he was texting me, nangungumusta. Yung attention na hinihingi ko, yun yung binibigay nya, pero we do not talk regarding sa relationship namin. Sa part ko, I was afraid of getting hurt again. Pareho din kaming ma-pride. Ayaw kong dumating sa point na ako mag-ask na magkabalikan kami, kaya di ko sya masyadong inentertain. Inalis ko yung focus ko sa kanya. Nagpakabusy ako. Nagka-BF. Pero nung nalaman ko na may GF na sya, iyak to death ako... hehe... (maybe somehow I was hoping na magkakabalikan kami kahit BF ko na si hubby that time, kaso nga naniniwala ako na dahil ako ang babae, ako ang dapat suyuin)
Then I learned to accept na hindi nga kami talaga. Nakakahinayang kasi wala kaming pinag-awayan. We love each other pero hindi kami compatible, yun na lang inisip ko.
Advice ko lang sis, kung talagang mahal mo sya at mahal ka pa nya, gawin mo yung kaya mong gawin. Wag masyadong ma-pride, wag din naman sobrang baba... yung swabe lang.
Kung papayag si BF, do an activity na bago sa inyong dalawa, so you can discover new things sa isa't isa. O kaya, go down the memory lane. How you first met, bakit ka nya nagustuhan, bakit mo sya nagustuhan. Basta iwas muna sa drama. Guys hate dramas.

sum.mer

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #6 on: August 02, 2012, 03:09:55 PM »
Sis, I can relate right now. Kaka-break lang namin ng bf ko haha :P But baliktad naman, ako yung hindi masyado makapagbigay ng time and hindi nya jun maintindihan. I work as an artist and demanding talaga yung work ko so much so that kahit hatinggabi gising pa ako at gumagawa ng work. Paggising ko magshoshower lang ng mabilis then he would already be in our house to fetch me and go to his place--yan and arrangement namin cos he wants all my free time to be spent with him. Ok lang sakin cos I do love him pero nakakapagod sis cos I also needed time for myself. Sobrang nalolosyang na ako haha really because of the stress. Anyway, we had a fight last night and suddenly he stopped contacting me.. we had these kinds of fights before pero like you hindi lumalampas ng 5 days.. ewan ko lang ngayon cos wala ako balak na hanapin sya. I decided that he needs to understand without me nagging him to understand. Kasi ilang beses na ako nag-explain. It's not pride, it's just simply not tolerating his "immaturity" regarding the matter.

Anyway, before sis, i was in your place. Sa isang ex ko before na from law school, I demanded so much time. Na hindi nya kaya ibigay. Nasakal din sya and nakipag-break.  Di na kami nagbalikan kahit na god knows super hinabol habol ko yun. Sobra. To the point na wala na kahihiyan natira sa sarili ko.  Ngayon baliktad naman situation and ngayon ko lang narealize na pinakita sakin ni God na talagang nakakasakal pala yung ganun. Dapat kahit papa no intindihin natin na kahit love tayo ng isang tao..tao lang din sya na kailangan ng rest, time na mag-isa kahit nakatulala lang haha basta yung pahinga lang..

Regarding your question kung possible na 6 years tapos mawawala agad... i don't think so. Alam mo sis ilang bases na kami nag-break nitong bf ko ngayon..and after so many times..out of curiosity tinanong ko sya kung ano nararamdaman nya sa times na hindi kami nag-uusap or nagkikita. He told me na super nami-miss nya ako but as a guy he tries to divert his attention--BUT from time to time, i would pop up in his mind. And he thinks of the wrong things he did and iniisip din nya na gumawa ng way para magbalikan PERO nauunahan sya ng takot at ng pride.

Naniniwala ako sis na may feelings pa and guys after a break-up--IF it was a serious relationship. But as feelings go, they fade in time. Kung wala gagawa ng move. Minsan sis, tama na maghabol, minsan hindi. But as I also tell my friends who go through the same thing. In the end, ikaw lang makakapagsabi nyan kung titigil ka ba or hahabol pa. Kasi after sometime, ikaw lang din naman makakapagsabi sa sarili mo kung worth it ba or hindi, at kung napagod ka na or hindi mo talaga kayang mawala sya.

Hay..andami nagb-break ngayon :P

purple.strawberry

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2012, 03:47:51 PM »
Thanks sisses. Natotorn kasi ako kasi I know na umaasa ako, pero may fear din ako na umaasa ako sa wala. He's my first love, and I know as in intense yung naging love namin for each other, kahit ngayon parang hindi na ganun -- both sides -- kasi nga sa mga pagkukulang namin pareho. I built my dreams around him, it's a classic case of revolving my world around him (na narealize ko lang din nung nagbreak kami).

Regarding pride, hindi naman ganun sa'min. Kaya nga di nagtatagal mga break-ups namin. Kaya tumagal ng isang buwan kasi fed up na kami pareho, pero siya kasi may other issues pa siya, yun nga, he's family is poor and he wants to go abroad, he failed once sa board exam and he's reviewing for it again, busy siya talaga. Sabi niya ang iniisip lang niya ngayon pumasa.

I'm hoping kasi nung unang nagkausap kami okay naman. Kinikiliti niya ko, okay lang maging physically close kami and all. I think nagstart siyang idistance sarili niya nung iyak na ko ng iyak pag magkasama kami. And he doesn't want me to hope kasi nga sabi niya hindi niya sure kung mahal pa niya ko. Sabi niya nagiging honest lang naman siya.

Minsan kasi feeling ko ako lang ang naniniwala na mahal pa niya ko, kasi sa sarili niya hindi siya sure. Kasi nga when we had the talk, sinabi niyang mahal pa niya ko and I felt it's true, and sinabi niyang I can wait for him for a year, then we'll see from there (kahit pa binawi niya 'tol kinabukasan, dahil unsure na naman siya sa feelings niya sa'kin). And the past weeks before the break up nararamdaman ko ding mahal niya ko...

I'll ask to see him pag kaya ko ng hindi nagdadrama pag kasama siya. Puro lang ako fears ngayon e. Narealize ko din kasi minamadali ko... Parang pinupush ko yung sarili ko sa kanya.

Sabi niya, kung tayo talaga, tayo talaga. But kung aalis siya next year, ayokong di kami magkaayos, kahit hindi maging kami, basta maging maayos kami. Ayokong hurting pa din ako, at yung may wall siyang binuilt against sa'kin.

purple.strawberry

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2012, 03:56:20 PM »
Kung papayag si BF, do an activity na bago sa inyong dalawa, so you can discover new things sa isa't isa. O kaya, go down the memory lane. How you first met, bakit ka nya nagustuhan, bakit mo sya nagustuhan. Basta iwas muna sa drama. Guys hate dramas.

Ganito yung first talk namin na magaan pareho pakiramdam namin. Pinag-uusapan namin yun and nagbibiruan kami. Makulit din kasi ako, the next few times I kept asking questions na masasaktan lang din naman ako tapos mawawala na ko sa mood makipagkwentuhan, 'tas mamaya iiyakan ko na siya. Parang nilalayo ko lang din siya sa'kin, until sinabi nga niyang maybe it's not a good idea that we're still seeing each other. So dilemma ko din 'to, hopefully papayag siya na magkita kami ulit.

don em

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2012, 04:26:06 PM »
He's reviewing for the board? Sis, please give him time and 100% support. Sobrang importante kasi yun especially if he failed once. I know the feeling, gusto nya munang makafocus. Ang importante is makapasa. Basta be there for him. He's having a hard time and he needs someone talaga who can uplift his spirit. Yun bang mas lalo syang maiinspired mag-aral. Kung kailangan na hindi muna kayo magkita para makapagreview sya, tiis muna. Tapos nagwowork pa sya. Basta wag mo muna expect yung dati nyong samahan. Pwede siguro samahan mo siyang magsimba, to help him pray na maipasa nya yung board this time. Tapos, masayang usapan lang, parang barkada muna kayo. Baka kasi feeling nya hindi mo siya naiintindihan na kailangan nya talaga ng time at maraming time para makuha nya yung dream nya na makapasa.

purple.strawberry

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #10 on: August 02, 2012, 04:34:59 PM »
Kakaresign niya lang sa work. Dati kasi may work siya na puro OT (mga 4-5 hours daily), plus review sa weekends, tapos siyempre humihingi rin ako ng time. Napag-usapan na namin yung pagreresign niya, so now he's a full time reviewee, every day siya napasok.

Yun nga plano ko sis... Na light lang pag magkasama kami para hindi na siya uuwing stressed.

Next question, every day kasi akong naiyak kasi iniisip kong I don't want to lose him, ganito ganyan. I don't know how to cope. :( I have all these negative thoughts, nahihirapan ako matulog at gumising, even work ko affected. Minsan nagigising ako, maiisip ko yung face niya when he told me to move on, he doesn't love me anymore, etc. I'm always crying at my work station.

Gaano katagal sis tingin mong time para hayaan ko siyang magpalamig after nung last naming drama? Is 2 weeks enough?

sum.mer

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #11 on: August 02, 2012, 05:30:44 PM »
^sis based on my experience (i'm not claiming it's true for everyone), don't give so much time that you two will be apart. kasi sabi din sakin ng bf ko na has tumatagal mas kinakaya na nilang guys and has nagiging ok na sila na wala yung girl. kaya nga may tendency sila lumayo kasi pag nakikita nila yung girl masmay tendency sila mag-give in sa feelings nila na of course namimiss nila etc etc.. most esp pag gumaganda pa yung girl haha mas hard to resist. kaya sis i know you're crying and nahhurt ka (pare has lang tayo ngayon), but super super try to regain composure.. ayusin mo pa din sarili mo wag ka magpapamukhang kawawa esp sa harap nya. diba kahit naman girls maiirita sa super drama? be your happy, perky self--or yung ikaw na nagustuhan nya. well of course you can't be super happy..syempre nasasaktan eh...pero wag naman yung over sad. lalo sya mat turn off siguro.

 :)

don em

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2012, 06:46:10 PM »
May point si sis sum.mer, minsan mahirap din kung matagal na magkalayo. Kung sure ka na wala na munang drama, kahit sandali lang siguro pwede na. Siguro you can text him muna, kamustahin yung review nya... then giving him inspiring/boosting words and ipaalam mo na gusto mo rin siyang makapasa. 2-3 exchanges lang siguro at a time. Basta yung walang pressure, parang casual lang. Then next day ganun ulit. Siguro pwedeng sa gabi text ulit. Tapos, ayain mo magsimba sa St Claire or St Jude para magkita kayo.
You love him so much kaya ikaw din talaga sis makakadecide what is best to keep him. Pwede siguro status quo muna kayo. Kayo pa rin pero wala munang discussions regarding your relationship hanggang matapos ang board. Make yourself busy din at magpaganda :)

purple.strawberry

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #13 on: August 03, 2012, 08:25:14 AM »
Thanks sisses. I feel so much better. I know I'd been overthinking things at masyado rin akong emotional.

I'll probably find a hobby or whatnot and prep myself next time I ask him to meet. Actually ngayon I lost weight talaga, parang 3kg ata in 2 weeks, pinipimples sa stress and siyempre mukhang pagod ang eyes.

I'll ask to meet him next week. I'll post update gals, thanks so much. :))

sum.mer

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #14 on: August 03, 2012, 08:41:50 AM »
^parang same na same tayo ah. I lost so much weight in jus 2 days. haha. lagi naman ganito whenever we stop communicating for a while. ambles makapayat eh payat na nga ako to begin with.

sige sis galingan mo. godbless :) hope you get what you deserve--whether it's being with him again or being happy on your own.  :)

freelancer_babe

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #15 on: August 03, 2012, 09:16:58 AM »
sorry to say...

when a guy decides to end the relationship... most likely walang balikan yan.

when a girl decides to end the relationship... malamang magkakabalikan yan.

be strong sis. most likely walang balikan na yan coz it's a guy's decision. but i'm not saying na absolutely walang balikan - it's just the chances are slim if a guy chooses  to pull the plug. so you'd better prepare yourself for it.

it doesn't matter if the relationship lasted a few months or several years. parehong masakit kung nagbreakup. pareho pa rin na kailangang magmove-on.

that's just how guys are. actually, unlike you, he tries to think of ways NOT to think about your breakup at this moment. those dramas in the TV/movies which shows guys sulking about a failed relationship - the opposite happens in real life. the drama in the TVs/movies are catered for the female audience. men would actually prefer more manly things to do like sports, hangout with other buddies, see hot girls online... ganun lang talaga mag-isip ang mga lalake.

but for sure, he is hurt as much as you do. di lang masyadong halata because guys are expected to bottle up their feelings. tapos they aren't really good at multitasking problems unlike girls. mga monotasker sila. sadly, your expectation of time from him has become too much for him to handle, so the solution is to let go of you - as his board exam and a better job overseas is more of a priority. and yup, malamang walang third party yan, coz he's busy "fixing" up his life.

i happen to work in a male-dominated occupation - as a team player and as a team leader. i had to know kung paano ang ways ng mga guys to be able to understand them.

i have a guy friend who has recently broken up with his girlfriend. halos same rin ang story sa iyo. he opened up his problem to me about his breakup and his board exam, tapos bigla siyang nag-che-change topic (as I've said guys try very hard to find ways NOT to think about their failed relationship, unlike girls, na pag nag-open up, tuloy-tuloy ang kwento until we cry and feel better). siya ang nakipagbreak, not the girl. he felt so relieved when he ended the relationship, but he admitted that he was hurt. he's trying so hard not to think about it (that's why the change of topic in our conversion happened quite a few times right after he had told his story).

you're right in your decision in taking up a hobby - o kaya dalawahin mo na. get busy with your day job. kaya mo rin isipin less ang relationship just like what your ex is doing right now. it's NOT a good idea to win him back, kasi lalong di ka makakamove-on and before you know it, ikaw na ang naiwan sa ere coz the guy has moved on to other relationships tapos ikaw, umaasa pa rin. at nangyayari rin na nawawalan na ng respeto ang guy sa iyo if you keep on pursuing him, kasi ayaw na nya talaga - it also forces him to say words that you do not like to hear, such as "I don't love you anymore".

it's hard, but it's not something that you have to deal overnight. it may take weeks, months or even years. however, eventually you'll get past the hurt. based sa kwento at sa title ng post mo mukhang di mo pa naaccept ang reality ng breakup ninyo.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2012, 09:24:11 AM by freelancer_babe »
Catch a man a fish and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity. (Karl Marx)

purple.strawberry

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #16 on: August 03, 2012, 09:47:38 AM »
I don't want to give up on our relationship yet, kasi I believe na mahal pa namin isa't isa. Though yes, I think we need a breather. Gusto ko lang maayos pa rin kami, comfortable sa isa't isa because, obviously, hindi maganda yung last na kita namin.

Yes, mukha ngang firm na siya sa decision niya to be single and he seems happy. Busy siya ngayon e, yung review yung pinagkakaabalahan niya and he started being more social. Actually sakto-sakto din yung mga sinabi mo sis freelancer_babe, kasi tuwing nag-oopen-up ako, iniiba niya topic, yung kwentuhan lang. Siguro din he was relieved (I was too, actually, until I realized na ayokong mawala siya).

Ang general advice sa'kin is to find myself again. I revolved my life to much around him... Since nung start namin nung high school, di ko alam kung paano nangyari, pero it's all about him na. I know minahal din niya ko the way I loved him, lalo na nung una nung wala pang pressure from other things, na talagang he couldn't live without me. Pero, siguro, as we grow up, andiyan ang obligations.

Truthfully nasasaktan pa din ako sa the fact na he left me, broke all his promises, na kaya niyang wala ako. I think I need time to forgive him.

I'm still hoping to fix our relationship in time, but I know that I also have to pick myself up. Start over. Eto na lang yung problema ko, cause all this time I wasn't serious about my jobs... Ang iniisip ko kasi pampalipas oras lang 'to habang hindi pa kami nagsasama. It hurts kasi he doesn't need me the way that I need him, gets. At andun yung guilt na I wasn't understanding enough, and I felt na he's blaming me nga. In a way gusto ko ding marecognize niya na nasaktan din ako, and pag may pinipick up akong gagawin pinag-aawayan namin, e.g., I joined an MLM and was very happy, kahit ginagabi na sa pag-uwi, and at those months iniinsist niyang hintayin ako para sunduin kahit sinasabi kong wag na, pero pag sinusundo niya ko mainit na ulo niya kakahintay, and this went on for months.

So ngayon I really don't know what to do, anong hobby gagawin, I'm also thinking of looking for a job na talagang maeenjoy ko, though I have no idea what. I don't know... I used to be happy with what I do, kahit wala siya. Lately my happiness was too dependent on him.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2012, 09:52:33 AM by purple.strawberry »

sum.mer

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #17 on: August 03, 2012, 03:16:57 PM »
"he tries to think of ways NOT to think about your breakup at this moment" --this is so true. and ganun din ginawa ng bf ko when we fought and he stopped communicating dati. he would start to tell his friends about me..then later change topic...then ako na naman.. siguro parang torn? namimiss ng guys yung girl pero at the same time ayaw nila magdrama. pero sis, yung samin kasi when he saw me, ayun na. parang bumigay na lang sya. i don't know if sa case mo.. and ako din ngayon medyo pinapatagal ko. 2 days na kami di nag-uusap. ayoko na ako unang lumapit at magpakita tapos old scenario na bibigay lang ulit sya cos he misses me.

pero sa case mo parang antagal nyo na talaga break..i mean not just days.. pag ganun sabi ng bf ko mas nasasanay na yung guy na wala sila nung girl..mas hindi na nila hinahanap and mas less chance to get back together. i remember we studied this too in psychology, na love is essentially rooted in familiarity. kapag nalalayo yung dalawang tao they become less and less familiar with each other and has nalelessen yung tendency to love (esp kung nag-break or nag-away). so in my case may time limit din naman ako sis. i'd give him a week. after that kung di pa din ako hanapin, baka ako na magparamdam. in your case, i'd say keep yourself "visible" for him but not to the point of being irritating or nagging. just be visible and make sure that what he sees is something likable. but of course you have to want it, hindi yung sya lang ipplease mo. prioritize your happiness and as our sis said use this time apart to reflect din and renew yourself:)

re: hobbies, try mo something related to exercise sis. that's how i got over my ex before. i used to jog everyday. then i also did yoga. basra related to exercise ambilis make-help sa pagmove-on or at least pagiging more calm about the situation.


purple.strawberry

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #18 on: August 03, 2012, 04:39:32 PM »
Sisses, how do you forgive someone for leaving? Despite the promises, yung trust na binigay mo?

Minsan nasasabi ko na na naiintindihan ko siya sa ginawa niya, napatawad ko na siya. Minsan nahuhurt pa din ako. (Sabi ng ate ko if I have hopes of us being back together di dapat negative na ganito ang feelings ko, pero bumabalik). Kasi napagod din ako pero di ko siya iniwan.


I've also talked to another guy. Nakakatuwa kasi mas naiintindihan niya yung ginagawa ni ex. Ang case nila is ilang years na rin sila nung girl, parang they started to take for granted the relationship because they thought it was that good, that they're meant to be na. And then the guy felt stifled na, so even if he's unsure of his feelings umayaw na siya. And he doesn't want to leave her hanging, umaasa, he wanted her to move on, kahit pa unsure siya sa feelings niya.

Yung friend ko even lied to her gf na nagcheat siya para lang magalit sa kanya (ex confessed to thinking about saying this too para daw bumitaw na ko) and started being an a****** (tulad ng kinwento ko sa recent na attitude ni ex).

Ang advice niya sa'kin is the same... that I should find myself, be independent, be happy. Sabi niya the more I reach out to him, the more I'll push him away.

So I guess that fits with everything. I think I should let go first... kasi parang di ko rin maaayos sarili kung siya pa rin iniisip ko palagi, siya lang din yung tinitingnan kong goal kaya ako magseself-reflect and all. Although, go pa rin ako with the plan to meet him after a while, na kwento-kwento lang muna. Pero hopefully by that time it's not all about him.
« Last Edit: August 03, 2012, 04:51:11 PM by purple.strawberry »

purple.strawberry

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Re: How do couples get back together?
« Reply #19 on: August 03, 2012, 04:46:46 PM »

pero sa case mo parang antagal nyo na talaga break..i mean not just days..

We broke up june 23, nakipagbalikan ako july 17, last drama ko sa kanya nung july 30. Hindi pa naman ganun katagal, but yeah, the one month na we were apart sinabi niyang sinanay na niya sarili niya mag-isa. Although thinking about it, I'm not sure na kung sinuyo ko rin siya kaagad, kung tipong di ko pinaabot ng isang buwan, he'll take me back. I knew he waited, but he was also tired. Kasi nung nag-uusap/text kami that time ang tigas ng tono niya, yung sinasabi niyang ayaw na niya.


Yep, jogging is a good idea. Actually advise yun ng doctor ko na hindi ko naman nasusunod. Sana lang umayos na ang panahon.

 

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