My brother, my older brother, is out of control. He used to be (or still is, I don't know) a druggie, a gambler, an alcoholic, you name it, he's done it. I CANNOT even begin to tell you the grief and heartache he's given to our family. He's stolen stuff from us, he lies all the time, and he borrows money all the time. The reason he can't get any more money is because we've locked up all our money in the house. He borrows money from taxi drivers. Just tonight a husband and wife he owes money was making trouble outside our house!! They were throwing rocks, shouting, and generally making a scene. It was scary. He wouldn't face them because I think he's drugged up. He wouldn't wake up, and when he did wake up, wala, he was messed up and wouldn't see them. So I called the guard and that's the only time they left. My brother and I ended up screaming at each other, and he flew into another one of his terrifying rages, banging doors, throwing things around. He hasn't hurt a person but any normal being will be scared at my brother when he goes into one of his rage episodes.
I realized tonight, while I was crying on the pavement, that it is probably not a good idea for ME to be around him. He was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder before, and he took meds, and for a while it got better. Now he's back to his self destructive ways and as I realized, I really am not good for him either. I can't control myself when I'm around him either. When he starts screaming, I start screaming too. I am so angry at him and I think I've lost all respect for him also. It's like I don't even believe he's sick. I think he's really just one selfish, immature, SOB and I don't think I can have a relationship with him any more.
He's 32 years old and I'm almost 30 and we still live with our parents. He has no job, no means of making money apart from his paintings, which DO sell sometimes, but he has no regular income, and he's ALWAYS, ALWAYS out of money. I'm done. I've had it. I want to move out, but I'm thinking about my parents. Awang awa na ko sa kanila and now I want to leave them also.
I have the right to naman diba? Do I have an obligation to keep this family together? Can I just leave my parents to handle this situation? Being the loving, sometimes ENABLING parents that they are, they can't just kick him out. They really are just as helpless as my brother. Can I just leave them? Do I have an obligation to my brother? To my parents? Until when, where??? But what about MY life, and MY sanity? I don't know what to think. My perspective is so screwed up and I can't think straight.
Please please give me some input.