I have HAD IT with my older brother!!!!!!

[caterpillar-girl]

My brother, my older brother, is out of control. He used to be (or still is, I don't know) a druggie, a gambler, an alcoholic, you name it, he's done it.  I CANNOT even begin to tell you the grief and heartache he's given to our family. He's stolen stuff from us, he lies all the time, and he borrows money all the time. The reason he can't get any more money is because we've locked up all our money in the house. He borrows money from taxi drivers. Just tonight a husband and wife he owes money was making trouble outside our house!! They were throwing rocks, shouting, and generally making a scene. It was scary. He wouldn't face them because I think he's drugged up. He wouldn't wake up, and when he did wake up, wala, he was messed up and wouldn't see them. So I called the guard and that's the only time they left. My brother and I ended up screaming at each other, and he flew into another one of his terrifying rages, banging doors, throwing things around. He hasn't hurt a person but any normal being will be scared at my brother when he goes into one of his rage episodes.

I realized tonight, while I was crying on the pavement, that it is probably not a good idea for ME to be around him. He was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder before, and he took meds, and for a while it got better. Now he's back to his self destructive ways and as I realized, I really am not good for him either. I can't control myself when I'm around him either. When he starts screaming, I start screaming too. I am so angry at him and I think I've lost all respect for him also. It's like I don't even believe he's sick. I think he's really just one selfish, immature, SOB and I don't think I can have a relationship with him any more.

He's 32 years old and I'm almost 30 and we still live with our parents. He has no job, no means of making money apart from his paintings, which DO sell sometimes, but he has no regular income, and he's ALWAYS, ALWAYS out of money. I'm done. I've had it. I want to move out, but I'm thinking about my parents. Awang awa na ko sa kanila and now I want to leave them also.

I have the right to naman diba? Do I have an obligation to keep this family together? Can I just leave my parents to handle this situation? Being the loving, sometimes ENABLING parents that they are, they can't just kick him out. They really are just as helpless as my brother. Can I just leave them? Do I have an obligation to my brother? To my parents? Until when, where??? But what about MY life, and MY sanity? I don't know what to think. My perspective is so screwed up and I can't think straight.
Please please give me some input.

[Project60]

sis.. u mentioned he was diagnosed with bi-polar syndrome... mahirap talaga yan (well based sa mga nabasa ko at napanuod ko) pero think about your parents too... im assuming nasa 60 na sila... if you leave them baka hindi nila kayanin pag nag all out rage ang kuya mo... have you guys tried bringing him back to therapy...dito kasi sa philippines hindi pa well accepted ang mga therapy and the like laging ineequate sa pag ka baliw or what not... pero give it a try for your parents' sake

[blackroseMD]

Oh, So sad... I've opened this thread because of the word brother... I love my brother so much (almost same age as your brother) we're so close... That's why this story really breaks my heart....

You don't have any obligations... you're younger than your brother... BUT how about your parents? You're right in thinking, "paano na parents ko?" Do you think their hearts could handle all the pain? Hindi ko naman sinasabi na, sige lang magpaka martir ka. What I'm trying to say is, be there for you parents, kahit not for your brother... (siyempre this is easier said than done, I'm not in your situation, but this is an opinion from a person na di pa nawawala sa katinuan dahil sa pasakit na nararanasan)

Bakit hindi nyo siya ipasok sa Rehab? That would be the only way to put things straight. Lahat ng problema nagmumula sa pag gamit nya ng illegal drugs at hindi dahil sa bipolar disorder nya... Kung kelangan na saksakan ng pampatulog yan para lang mairehab gawin nyo... That would be the only way... I know the idea maybe rude, but it's about time to be rude.... Tama na yung pagiging mabait.... Hindi ikaw ang dapat umalis, yung kuya mo, dapat na talaga siyang iparehab ng puwersahan...

[heavensent]

^agree with you sis, hindi dapat si TS ang umalis kundi yung kapatid niya,

right now wala pa siya sinasaktan sa inyo but what if 1 day hindi nalang niya macontrol sarili niya, medyo scary na yan sis lalo na may drugs na involve, we all know naman kung ano nagiging epekto ng drugs

[jamberryknots]

hi sis! *hug* we went through with that kind of challenge with my eldest brother but that was like 15 years ago..in-open ko din ang thread kasi maka-kuya ako i have two pasaway older brothers but i love them sobra..nakakalungkot ang story..thing is lahat kayo HELPLESS sa situation wala sa inyo ang makaka-control..maski kuya mo i believe he can't help himself either, therefore, get help from outside..
you might want to consider rehabilitation both for drug use and his mental disorder..

naniniwala ako na walang magtutulungan or tunay na tutulong sa family niyo kundi kayo kayo lang..ang opinion ko huwag mo sana silang iwan..try to think of options (as i said, look into the option of putting your brother in a rehab facility) kahit ayaw niya..pwede namang involuntary admission sa ganyan lalo na me threat sa safety niya at nung mga taong nakapaligid.
stay strong sis, pag-pray ko kayo..

[i.love.siomai]

Sis,pareho tayo ng situation..drug dependent naman brother ko..mama ko hindi sya matiis kahit lahat na ata ng kalokohan nagawa na nya.kami yung nahihirapan dito sa bahay gusto din namin iwan mama namin dahil parang sya lang anak nya.pero naawa din ako sa mama ko kung iiwan namin sya lalo na may sakit sa puso ngayon dahil sa kanila

[caterpillar-girl]

Thanks girls. Thank you talaga. Super few friends know about how bad it gets at home. It's so heartbreaking, I can't even describe it. One time I saw a photo of us when we were young, and parang, what happened?? What happened to that sweet little boy who would always play with me, teach me things, be there for me? Nawala talaga.

Minsan feeling ko nalulunod na ko sa lungkot. I don't how I carry on sometimes, but I look at my parents and they, especially my dad, seem to be so strong. I don't know where he gets his strength. Sometimes I think, at least may magulang pa kami na mabait at mahal kami. Not everyone can say that. Pero still. Ang sakit sakit ang ang lungkot lungkot. Iniisip ko nalang, sometimes my brother has his good days, and he has his bad days. Siguro lang yung bad day, as in TERIBLE. TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE days.

Hindi nga namin alam kung anong klaseng rehab e. Dapatt irerehab na sya dati and he begged us not to, pumayag naman dad ko on the condition that he see a psychiatrist. Pumayag naman kuya ko and that's when we discovered na he's bipolar. He used to take meds pero sabi daw ng doctor stop na. Ewan ko. I don't know talaga. To be fair, he DID get better. Mas dumami yung mga good days nya. He became calmer, nicer, better naman talaga in general. Pero meron pa ring dark days e. And may ugali talaga sya na hindi na ata madadala ng gamot. I mean, personality problem na. He's really incapable of having a sense of responsibility of any sort. Sorry to say, pero parang forever na ata syang ganyan. He will always be dependent on our parents for financial support. Parang bum na ewan. May gamot ba ang pag ba bum? Wala naman ata... siguro there are meds for bipolar disorder, pero wala na atang gamot na makakapagpa mature sa isang tao. As long as he's this uber financially dependent, somewhat emotionally stunted person, all these trigger factors will always be there.

Hay Lord. Sometimes I get angry at God too. But I know, I know, there's a reason for all this. I just wish I knew what it was.

How can I be there for my parents and keep my sanity? I wish I knew the answer to that too.

[justin3]

^ pabayaan mo muna ang bipolar churva eklavu na yan. sa pagkakaalam ko, walang namamatay dyan. pero ang pagiging durugista, aba, maraming namamatay at pinapatay dyan.

ipa-rehab nyo na yan ASAP!

kung kailangang i-posas at kaladkarin palabas ng bahay nyo, gawin nyo, patulong kayo sa barangay o sa pulis.
mmm, i suppose, nahihiya ang parents mo ano? natural lang yan. kahit sino. (kaya kadalasan kinukunsinti na lang ang mga anak, mas mahalaga ang daw ang 'reputasyon'. pweh!) pero mas nakakahiya pag tuluyan nang gumawa ng ng k4bulastugan yan at krimen.
awa? hey! mas nakakaawa yang tuluyang nawawala na sya dahil sa bato. ikaw may sabi, he's not the same sweet kuya he used to be.

rehab? you're looking for one? saan ba location mo? how much ang budget? pag private mas mahal. pag sa Bicutan lang, mas cheaper. just google it maraming rehab sa Pinas. mas ok nga yung malayo para di nyo mabisita regularly. call PDEA in your locality, they should have a list of all drug rehabs.

and expect it. at his age, mas matagal na rehabilitation nyan. napabayaan eh. kung nung mas bata pa sya na-rehab nun, mas madali ang treatment pag younger eh.

update us here. dapat by June next month, nasa rehab na si kuya ha?

[Priceless]

Depending on the severity of the bipolar disease, the patient may pose danger or violence to oneself or to others, especially when they have severe psychotic episodes such as hallucinations or delusions.

Is the manic episode triggered by the drug abuse or was he having an episode (withdrawal sa psychotic drugs nya) kaya sya nalulong sa ipinagbabawal (hindi yung nirereseta ng doctor nya) na drugs at sa alcohol.

Mahirap dalhin sa rehab ang ganyan kung ang talagang puno't dulo ng kanyang problema is physiological in nature (i.e. dahil nga bipolar sya) dahil baka sa rehab, they will stop the consumption of the illegal drugs but will not address his bipolar issues.

Is there anything that your family can do para mapilit syang madala sa (mental) hospital or psychiatrist para mabigyan ng tamang gamot?

[ReservoirDogs]

Hi sis,

I'm sorry to hear about your family situation. Living with someone who has BPD can really take its toll on the family and loved ones.  Sis, aside from a psychiatrist, maybe your family should consult a psychologist (psychiatrist prescribe drugs, while psychologist conducts therapies).  If prescription meds lang kasi, minsan nagkakarelapse talaga; this is based on actual published studies.  It works better if may kasamang therapy conducted by a clinical psychologist.  There are well-known clinical psychologists in ADMU, I can refer you.   Sis please know that high-risk din ang may BPD for suicide, so please take that into consideration as well.

And yes, I agree with Priceless, hindi rehab ang sagot dyan kasi psychological disorder sya.

[imyourangel]

Yes sis just like what others here are saying, ipatingin niyo siya sa clinical psychologist.

[design21]

i have a bipolar friend who is stuck at 15 years old. she's 28 but her thinking is like a teenager lalo na manic depressive. Ilang beses nadin nagpakamatay. bipolar, you are not born with it. may mga situations that made you bipolar. kailangan maasses ano nagtrigger ng sakit na yan

[xenos54]

i think what he needs right now is professional medical help..
and of course love and support from family..

[Purple_Power]

Just like the suggestion of Justin3 kailangan niyo na ngang iparehab yan. Hindi lang mahirap ang situation niyo kundi delikado pa. Tapos may bipolar disorder pa, may kilala ako kahit hindi nakadrugs nagsuicide raw. Iba ang nagagawa ng droga, nasa isang tabi ka lang baka mamaya kung ano na gawin sa inyo lalo na kung ano maisipan niya.

[Dyewel]

try Seagulls Flight Foundation, Inc, located in tagaytay city.