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GIRLTALK

Author Topic: Obligasyon ba talaga ng anak na buhayin ang magulang after nilang makapagtapos?  (Read 50064 times)

Priceless

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BTW, right now ba nakikitira kayo sa mother mo? Bakit 70% lang ang sagot mo sa kuryente? Sinong sumasagot ng 30%? Do you pay rent and other household expenses (food, etc)?

jenie0519

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^i decided to remove my posts/rants.  Narealize ko na i'm being stupid.  Hindi dapat dito sa thread na to yung post ko dahil mali, di naman nila ako inoobliga na buhayin sila, kami pa nga ang parang nagoobliga sa kanila ngayon.  Wala nga akong utang na loob.  Nasstress lang siguro ako dahil kapos kapos kami ngayon.

Thanks sis Priceless sa mga advice mo. :)

Priceless

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^i decided to remove my posts/rants.  Narealize ko na i'm being stupid.  Hindi dapat dito sa thread na to yung post ko dahil mali, di naman nila ako inoobliga na buhayin sila, kami pa nga ang parang nagoobliga sa kanila ngayon.  Wala nga akong utang na loob.  Nasstress lang siguro ako dahil kapos kapos kami ngayon.

Thanks sis Priceless sa mga advice mo. :)

Sis Jenie, ganyan lang talaga siguro minsan ang mga parents natin, naghahanap ng assurance/lambing sa mga anak nila na sometimes di naman talaga nila intention na mang-pressure. Dala lang siguro talaga ng sarili nilang fears at insecurities at kung pano nila gusto silang "alagaan" ng mga anak nila.

Pagpasensyahan mo nalang at ipakita mo nalang na ang concern at care mo sa kanila hindi nasusukat sa pera na kaya mong i-abot sa kanila sa ngayon. Communication and show of concern is key - kahit na feeling mo nakakapressure na sila.

jenie0519

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^Tama ka sis.

Natutuwa ako dito sa forum natin, i feel like mga kapatid ko talaga kayo na i can trust at magbibigay sa kin ng mga payo pag kailangan ko...

Thank you again sis...

babypink1109

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Hmm.. Hindi naman obligasyon pero kung kailangan gawin, gagawin ko. Pero mahirap sya. Most of the time nakakapagod; minsan nakakasama ng loob, pero wala eh. Magulang ko sya alangan namang pabayaan ko eh matanda na yun. Saka isa pa, tayong mga Filipino sadya talagang mapagpahalaga/mapagmahal sa mga magulang. Itinanim na kasi yan sa isip natin bata pa tayo eh.  ;D

theanonymous

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    • my 2013 Journal (coming up soon!)
I honestly do not think it is an obligation, more of "utang na loob" e. I feel selfish kasi since I started working (that's about 4-5 years ago) I have never given my parents any thing as a form of help in return. I never give them allowances, never shared on bills, and haven't helped my sister in a way or two as well. Then I got pregnant and recently got married, my husband's about to finish his studies(Nursing) this year and I am the only one who's working full-time between the two of us so we are really on a tight budget at the moment plus I also invested on a condo in Manila so wala talaga.

But, once my husband graduates and I get to still work Full-time I'm planning to give and reach out din naman to them. My dad lives in Manila, my mom's been going back and forth (NZ-MLA), my sisters's living in NZ din and we live 5 mins away from each other lang. So hopefully if everything's settled na, and condo's ready to be occupied I will ask my parents to just stay there nalang, no gastos on renting pa for them. And I told my husband if ever we'll move to a new house next year, we will get a place that has at least 3 bedrooms. 1 for me and my husband, 1 for our kid and the other room is for my parents just in case they want to go back to NZ.. :)
~The Anonymous~

chedz.03

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basta ako i'll never get tired of giving them money hanggat may work ako kabahagi sila sa kinikita ko...masaya ako na it's my turn naman to provide for them. mas masaya ako ngayon compared before na laging sila nagpo-provide for me. dapat aalis pa si tatay ko for work pero i insisted na stay na sya sa pinas since wala na naman nag-aaral samin. then both of my parents may SSS sila so pag nag 60 may aasahan sila ibang source of income bukod sa kaya namin itulong ng bro ko.

they sacrificed a lot for me and my bro before even until now. bringing me into this world ay sobrang pasasalamat ko na sa kanila plus big bonus pa na higit pa sa pagiging "ideal parents" ang pinakita nila samin ng bro ko. kahit graduate na kami lagi padin nila iniisip na kaya sila kumakayod para sa future namin sakaling mawala na sila :(  ni hindi nila naranasan yung matagal magkasama as couple dahil kailangan umalis ni tatay for us to have a bright future.

makita ko lang sila masaya at proud samin ni bro, masaya narin ako at nakakalimutan ko lahat ng pagod. ^_^
once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale...

onlytechgirl

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we should help our parents specially kung meron naman talaga tayo maitutulong. but parents should not oblige their child..

chichi143

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i will not be where I am without them. Ano ba naman yung pagtanda nila may maayos silang bahay, meron sila lahat ng kailangan nila from supplies to medical assistance, and most of all happy. Mas masaya ko if galing lahat sa bulsa ko yon. :D

lagi ring sinasabi ng mama ko, na dapat ang mga anak mababait sa mga magulang kasi daw yung mga hindi, yun daw yung mga hindi umaasenso. And in my 22 years of existence, totoo nga. May kakilala akong hindi successful at hindi maganda relationships nila with their parents or may grudge sila or something.
Well sakin lang naman yun :D
« Last Edit: December 10, 2012, 12:32:34 PM by chichi143 »
be kind. whenever possible. its always possible.

missn

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^ True. As long as may maiaabot tayo sa parents natin, why not di ba? Magulang naman natin sila.
Me, as an individual, daughter, child of God, isa lang iniisip ko, kahit noon pa na nag-aaral ako...and it is..everything we do/give sa kahit na sino, material or not, it has something in return paglaon. Parang yung sacrifices ng mga parents mapagraduate lang ang anak, parang ganon rin, so its child "pagkukusa" na magbigay so iyon 'yung return na tinatawag, hindi totally obligasyon.
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pam123

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hi  everyone, newbie sa forum para sa akin parang mali hinde akma ang term na obligasyon, mas appropriate if pasasalamat at pagtanaw ng utang na loob for me dapat lang it doesnt matter kung single ka pa or may sarili na din family kasi parents mo yan hinde naman ako perpekto anak pero kahit isusubo ko na siguro ibibigay ko pa sa kanila now that im already married mas lalo ako napamahal sa nanay ko tipong kahit wala ako luho basta i always see to it na ok buhay nya ngayon plus luho kasi naghirap naman siya noon pinalaki pinagaral niya kami sayang nga lang wala na ako father so buhos na lang lahat sa nanay ko.sorry pero dagdag ko na din maswerte nga mga tao complete pa ang parents may time pa sila makabawi sa lahat ng sacrifices nila noon ako kasi ng aaral pa ako nung time na nawala father ko never ko man lang na itreat never ako nakabawi. para sa akin hinde obligasyon depende na lang siguro sa anak ang pagbawi pagtanaw ng utang ng loob.

miei2dolcifigli

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How was this naman, mga sis...form the start palang namin ni hubby, expect na sila ng tulong from us? firts few months palang ask sila money...di pa kami married. dumating na sa point na hubby ko na pinapahawak ko na money NIYA...and this becomes a grave issues kay madir and sissies. Naging kawawa daw ako at parang sunud sunuran na kay mister...ni pamasahe daw wala ako dala...kita ko naman yung point eh...pero di naman sa minamasama ko sila, everytime kasi na may money ako, di ko mapigilan na magbigay lalo pag nag aask sila...kaya si mister pinapahawak ko money para kahit paano eh medyo makokontrol naman yung hingi hingi...yun ang parati sinisermon nila sa akin to which hindi ko na sinasagot sagot...may mga instances na nanghihiram sila money sa amin pero hindi para sa kanila pero para sa ibang tao...share your blessings daw, bi bless ka din a thousand folds...pero naging somewhat consistent na...and there were promises na babayaran to which awa ng diyos hanggang ngayon di naman napapalitan. Ok lang yung share the blessings pero hindi naman ako nag asawa para i bless ako ng pera...to which yun ang hindi ma gets ng nanay at mga kapatid ko...nung na hospital father ko, humingi sila sa amin...that's perfectly fine kasi tatay ko yun, namimiligro that time and no problem na kay hubby...pero yung ibang hiram out of emergency eh hindi na naging maganda yung impression ng mister ko dun...dumating na sa point na nag aaway na kami dalawa...and ikinasama na ng loob ko yung sisingilin sila...pero may point din naman si hubby kasi mag asawa na kami and may anak na din. ayoko sila singilin pero nag promise kasi sila kay mister paulit ulit then pag di nila mafulfill, ako kinakausap na bigyan extension...nung papunta na kami italy, nagtext si hubby, I was unaware of it...parang may giyera, galit na galit sa akin mga kapatid ko at nanay ko, di na daw sila nirirespeto...tiningnan ko yung sent items, nakita ko hindi namn harsh yung message ...issue nila, hatinggabi daw nagtext..sna nagpasabi daw maaga, something something....and...prior to that, ask nila ako kung sino daw maiiwan sa house namin, sabi ewan ko...walang maiiwan, since pinagtalunan din namin iyan before...eh ayaw pumayag na dun sila mag stay...to which hindi ko din matanggap na ganun din reaction ng mister ko....kaya I kept myself silent nalang...nanlumo sila kasi expect nila sila maiiwan pero di nangyari...sama loob nila sa akin kasi wala daw ako tiwala sa kanila....ang hirap kasi na may mga bagay kami pinag aawayan dahil sa disagreements between them..pero, being a wife, gusto ko tahimik tahanan ko, kaya, susundin ko nalang kung alam ko na may point naman ang mister ko...importante, tahimik bahay namin...pero pag nabaling naman ako sa kabila, mali at wala ako paninindigan bilang asawa. then recently, sumulat sa fb yung si hubby sa sis ko...galit na naman sila...same thing, walang respeto...away ko na naman sya...and told him. compute mo inutang nila kung yan ang ikatatahimik ng loob mo. several months hindi niya nireply yung message ng sis ko about the amount....nitong huli, minessage niya nung amount na 48k daw...sinabi ng ate ko at nanay ko yun..iiyak daw sila kasi super wala daw konsenya asaw ko na nangugutang ate ko SSS para mabayaran tuition ng isa kong pamangkin sa panganay...and yung iba kapatid di din nakapag enroll..in short, nagpapaka martir sila at ako? nanunuod lang na walang panindigan at walang ginawa...walang kwentang anak at kapatid. Nung new year, chat kamin ate ko...sabi siya daw shoulder nung tuition nung isa ko pa pamangkin...then minessage ng mister ko yung sis ko about the amount the owe...galit na galit na naman sila sa akin kasi hinahayaan ko asawa ko insultuhin sila at tratuhin silang parang basura...at wala daw akong kaalam alam...which di ko aware na sagutin niya talaga yung message ng ate ko asking the total amout they borrowed...pero I urged him to reply para sa ikatatahimik ng loob niya as I told him...then itong si elder sis, nakipagchat saying disppointed daw siya sa akin for allowing my hubby to disrespect them. So I told her to ven out all her frustrations and disappointments and anger on me cause i feel that I started all these mess but hopefully, she would also be able to pour out all ill feelings to my husband...she told me, she has no relation to hubby and no way she would consider him as family. so kasalanan ni mister ako sasalo ng sampal. di ko nga sure kung aatend pa kami sa golden anniversary nina nanay at tatay though it will be celebrated with a simple mass...nung birthday ng tatay ko pumunta kami dun and sinumbat sa akin ng ate ko papicture lang kami dun para ipaalam sa tao na kami gumastos sa handa...so foul. I never did or even thought about it. Now, I would say that they are the ones burning bridges and they always vent it out on me dahil sunud sunuran daw ako sa asawa ko...I had two children and we barely earn monthly income of 11k out from leasing a unit. kakainis isipin that until now, I am still suffering from it...I was hoping na mareresolve na lahat this year pero nag uumpisa palang pala panibagong gulo....sigh...

Purple_Power

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^I could imagine the agony that you are bringing because of the conflict between your hubby and family. As I've understand and read the post at some point ang masasabi ko is may mali si hubby mo sa pagiging sobrang galit na niya to the extent na nakakabastos na for other people na hindi na niya macontrol ang emotion niya. Pero at some point naman kasi hindi ko rin siya masisise kung bakit naging ganyan siyang ka-harsh. Nakakafrustrate naman kasi na parang ang pakiramdam niya is wala na kayong financial freedom na imbis na yung pinaghirapan niyo nang husto ay mapupunta sa inyo lang sa mga pangangailangan niyo eh obligado pa kayong magprovide ng finances sa pamilya mo which is baka naman nakakapagtaka rin kung bakit ikaw lang nagpoprovide at hindi kasama run ang ate mo. Sa nabasa ko you mentioned na nung minsan sinabihan kayo ng Ate mo na kaya kayo nagpapapicture ay para ipangalandakan na kayo gumastos. Sa totoo lang hindi ito maliit na bagay at malaking insulto ito which is pwedeng isang factor ito na nadala ng hubby mo, pwedeng hindi dyan sa mismong situation pero sa ibang situation nangyari na rin ito na masakit rin ito sa pakiramdam kasi tinulungan mo na nga kung ano ano pa ang masamang sinasabi sa inyo o iniinsulto pa kayo. Baka naman isang factor yan kung bakit naging harsh ang hubby mo sa kanila kasi imbis na maging grateful, napeperwisyo na nga yung savings niyo tapos ganyan ang resulta. At some point lalabas at lalabas na yung mister mo nagiging masama kahit hindi naman kasi nga kinocontrol na niya which is the right move already para naman hindi sila mamihasa. Nakakafrustrate rin yung nangangako na magbabayad sila tapos hindi naman ginagawa. Again nakikita ko na baka feeling talaga ng hubby mo kayo na ang gatasan sa pamilya mo which is hindi naman na dapat. You can share pero may limitations rin yan. Intindihin naman nila sana na may iba ka nang responsibilidad hindi yung parang sinasakal ka nila na kailangan mong pagbayaran yung naging obligasyon nila sayo bilang magulang o pamilya.

Regarding naman sa sinabi na you should share your blessings then it is true pero may limitations pa rin yan. Paano kung wala ka nang natitira sa sarili mo kaka share mo ng blessings sa iba? Hindi biro yan nangyayari pa rin yan paminsan minsan worst case sana man lang kung marunong mahiya yung mga binigyan mo ng tulong o blessing, most of the time isang namimihasa rin yan. Saka isa pa hindi dapat pinapangaral sayo na you should share blessings yung tipong hihingi sila sayo para ipamigay sa ibang tao? Ano yun ikaw yung pinapahirapan nila magtrabaho o kumayod tapos obligado kang magbigay sa iba sabay sila parang wala namang ginagawa and hindi naman sila nagsheshare sa ibang tao? Again ikaw ang inoobligahan magbigay sa ibang tao. Parang kasi in other sense for example manghihingi ako ng pera sa Nanay ko na hindi naman para sa akin kundi sa ibang tao sabay papangaralan ko Nanay ko na dapat magbigay siya ng blessings para ma-bless rin siya. I find it parang nangongosensya sila if you are not going to give which is I also find it as foul. Kung gusto nila mamigay dapat galing sa kanila hindi yung nagpepressure sila ng ibang tao. Kaya tayo tumutulong most of the time dahil gusto natin o minsan kapag pulubi naaawa tayo hindi yung dahil gusto natin ng kapalit.

Seems that ang away niyo ng hubby niyo is about the financial issue for other people. I hope maresolba nga yan. Curious lang ako ano ba work ng ate mo?

miei2dolcifigli

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I was too emotional today...shocked to see my sister's posts in FB. haaah...can't believe she can drag me so dirty like this...anyway, my other sis works as call center agent here in PH and the other too in UK. Well, my hubby feels that they are neglecting that responsibility paying the amount they borrowed although I know that they have necessities too...so I talk to my hubby about their situation to be more patient...eventhough we really end up fighting talaga. just this morning we attended the mass celebrating my parents' golden wedding anniversary. Since we came late, we were seated separate from our parents, apparently, we have no idea where they're at...after the offering, we were scattered, so I went ahead and followed my nephew and asked him where were my parents seated, as I had to follow my daughter with my hubby and my son was taken by a family friend....my nephew told me he did not know where my parents were seated so we just went along with him. I was walking like a fool inside the church finding a seat as near to everyone as possible but my priority was to look for the seat where I can closely see my son who is 7 months old...I was seated next to my sister who ASKED me why did I go back and why I was away from my parents so I told her, I just followed where my nephew was heading...that response was no way acceptable to her...towards the end of the mass, when the priest announced giving peace, she rose and walked swiftly, evidently avoiding me...I grabbed her hand yet, she walked as fast as she could. I felt like I was chasing my first love. I was devastated really...I did not speak to her until we decided to go home...I broke down inside the car...feeling totally crushed. and this evening I read my sister's post (who's at the menopausal stage) not directly mentioning me saying that I did not even give help instead I even inconvenienced my parents. I really find it unjust and super disgusting because we left our children yesterday to my parents as we have scheduled seminar for my son's upcoming baptismal and it lasted for four hours. I don't know what else to say...

little_princess

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no, it never should be as it's a vicious cycle that keeps on bringing people down.

but as good children, we should at least take care of our parents and immediate family when we can. mag-abot when you have extra and spend time with them. i think mas important yung presence as a supporting family member vs you being the whole clan's atm.

miei2dolcifigli

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thank you sisters for lifting up my spirit. I never should worry bout this issue anymore.... I am for certain did some mistake but I should in anyway deserve this kind of vicious attack making me appear so much of an evil. Thank you for your advice, sissies. God Bless :-* :-* :-* ;) ;) ;)

angel che

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yup, we owe them so much! money cannot even 1/tenth of what they had to do para palakihin tayong mga anak lang :)

chefron

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may iba naman kase INUUBLIGA talaga na magbigay, na haos buong sweldo sa magulang na, kahit ang magulang may work pa...unfair naman yun sa anak, how can she/he establish himself/herself if walang natitira sa kanya?

ang pagtanda kase pinaghahandaan yan, di mo pwedeng iasa sa ibang tao kung paano kana pagtanda mo.
EPHESIANS 2: 9

SALVATION IS NOT A REWARD FOR THE GOOD THINGS WE HAVE DONE, SO NONE OF US CAN BOAST ABOUT IT

this_is_me

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from my own point of view...

siguro nga, it's a nice gesture na mag-abot tayo sa magulang natin when we earn na our own money. it's a little way of saying thank you sa lahat ng pagod at hirap nila sa atin. from the time na inalagaan nila tayo, yun puyat at pagod nila. sa hirap kumita ng pera. i think its ok.

pero kung sasabihin na "obligasyon" i dont think so.

pwede siguro if you are really poor... na talagang ang daming sacrifice para lang mapa-aral ka. my answer is 'OO'

mavhy

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Sabi sa akin ng dad ko ay hindi ko obligasyon na ibalik sa kanila ang lahat ng ginastos nila para pagaralin at buhayin ako.

Obligasyon daw iyun ng mga magulang at kailangan pinaghahandaan bago magdecide na magkaanak. Kung magbibigay man daw ako ipagpapasalamat nya iyun pero kung hindi okay lang din.

Napakaswerte ko sa mga magulang ko. Kaya kung magbigay man ako, hindi dahil sa obligasyon ko iyun pero dahil sa iyun ang gusto ko.

 

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