Need advice: Wala pa atang balak magpakasal ni BF

[swt_fem]

MODS: Sorry if maling category. Not sure kasi kung san ba 'to dapat.

Hi, I hope you guys can give me advice about my current situation. Mag 3 years na kami ng BF ko next month. 5 months palang kami nung nabuntis nya ako. Nag live-in na kami agad. Mag 2 years old na son namin sa August. When I got pregnant, wala pa talaga kami balak magpakasal kasi nga bago palang naman kami at ayaw naman namin magpakasal ng dahil lang sa nabuntis lang nya ako, agree naman parents ko dun. Pero yung sa side nya, especially BF's mother, ayaw pa talaga na ikasal kami for the reason na my balak pa syang kunin si BF papuntang US. Mahihirapan daw lalo sya makapunta dun pag kasal na dito.

Napaguusapan namin ni BF about sa kasal pero all he keeps saying lang eh ayaw nyang ma-disappoint ulit yung mommy nya (ULIT kasi nagkaanak na si BF sa 1st GF nya when he was only 17). Parang ang dating sakin eh gusto naman nyang pagbigyan ang mommy nya. Darating din daw kami dun. Eh sabi ko naman, papano naman yun, matanda ka na, kung ipe-petition ka, ilang years pa yun bago ma-grant and ilang years pa ulit ang bibilangin bago mo kami makuha and until now, hindi pa naman sinisimulan ang pagaasikaso ng papers.

Napapaisip na naman ako lately about it kasi mga friends ko isa-isa nang kinakasal. Other people would ask kung kelan nga daw ba ang kasal, etc. Sinasabi ko nalang, ayaw pa namin. Don't get me wrong, hindi ako nagmamadali, ayoko rin namang mamilit. Ang akin lang, gusto ko ng security. Para sakin gusto ko kami na talaga lalo na ngayon na may anak na kami.

Ang problema, hindi ako makakuha ng defiinite na sagot from him. Gusto ko malaman kung KELAN.  Nahihiya naman akong i-open nalang lagi yung topic na yun baka makulitan sakin. Gusto ko sana mapagusapan ng matino at masinsinan kaso I never seem to find the right timing. Humirit ako sa kanya nung isang araw, sabi ko, "Dy, basta ha, gusto ko bago mag-aral si baby kasal na tayo." He answered, "Ayan na naman tayo eh."I really felt bad.

Hindi naman ako nagaasam ng en grandeng kasal. Hindi rin naman talaga kami ikakasal sa church kasi Catholic ako, Christian sya. So malamang civil wedding lang talaga kami if ever. Dahil sa dilemmang 'to, napapaisip tuloy ako kung may kapupuntahan ba talaga 'tong relationship namin.

Gusto ko sanang maliwanagan. Am I making it a big deal? Shoud I be more patient? Or should I start thinking if this is worth my time? Baka kasi nagsasayang lang pala ako ng panahon. As a couple, ok naman kami generally (though may ilang bagay na hindi napagkakasunduan at times which I think is just normal), mahal namin ang isa't isa. Nasabi na nya before na ako na gusto nyang makatuluyan pero parang hindi ako masyadong convinced, parang may kulang eh.

Sana mabigyan nyo ako ng inputs. Salamat.

[dumpee.o13]

^ sis, ask ko lang ha? ilang taon na ba sya? at ikaw? if you think you're on the marrying age na e you're not making it a big deal. i understand na gusto mo ng assurance/security, ganyan naman tayong mga girls e' pero di naman kasi natin sila mapipilit (the boys) kung ayaw nila. in the end, tayo ang lalabas na masama and makukulitan sila. siguro ang advice ko lang is humanap ka ng "perfect" timing para i-open up yun sakanya. siguro wag muna ngayon, break muna. palamigin mo muna yung sitwasyon. tapos pag nakahanap ka na ng timing saka mo itanong. tell him kung anong intensyon mo, na gusto mo lang ng assurance from him. kasi naguguluhan ka, sabihin mo sakanya na once and for all kahit for the last time e pag-usapan nyo ng masinsinan lahat. goodluck sayo sis, sana magkaron ka ng assurance from him. godbless

[swt_fem]

Thanks sa replies nyo mga sis. I'm turning 28 na this year, sya naman mag 27. Ayoko lang talaga na umabot sa point na magaaral anak namin ng hindi pa kami kasal. Ayoko lang maranasan ng anak ko yung naranasan ko. My parents were never married, adopted child ako but I carry my adoptive father's surname. My classmates would ask me, bakit iba surname ng mommy mo, hindi ba sila kasal? I would answer, no and mas marami pang tanong after that.

Hindi pa ulit namin napaguusapan. Nagaantay pa ako ng magandang timing. Nafufrustrate lang ako kasi bakit kelangan ko 'tong gawin. Bakit kelangan ako ang lumapit sa kanya to ask kung ano plano nya, eh dapat sya ang nagkukusa nun. Buti sana kung plain mag BF-GF lang kami. We live together and we have a kid na. Sana may kusa naman sya. Hay.

Just to explain further why I feel this way...

I left my 6.5-year boyfriend for this guy. Engaged na kami nung ex ko nun, bumili na ng bahay for us and all pero pinili ko 'tong ngayon. Tapos eto pala ang mapapala ko? Ayoko sana mangsumbat, nakaka-frustrate lang talaga. Ang dami ko ng sacrifices eh.

[dca201]

Marry a MAN. Not a BOY.

[dumpee.o13]

Marry a MAN. Not a BOY.

^ i like!

[CHLayson]

just take time to think and decide.

[hlr10]

You in a hurry to get married dear? My parents just got separated three months ago. Is there really a long lasting love?=(

[cynique]

^there is long lasting love. we're talking about getting married. there's a HUGE difference. hindi lahat ng nagmamahalan, nagpapakasal. hindi lahat ng nagpapakasal nagmamahalan. 

i just broke up with my bf of 7 years yesterday. we love each other but it seems that he does not have concrete plans of settling down. i understand that he may not feel fulfilled yet. so i told him to search for his fulfillment oh his own...

[swt_fem]

@hlr10 - I'm sorry to hear that sis. All I know is, there is love. But long-lasting? I guess there still is but I'm at the point that I want to know if there really is that's why I want to be married to this man.

@cynique - Hugs to you sis. I myself had been in a long-term relationship (6.5 years) and I know how it feels na you still love each other pero parang hindi na kaya. That's why I broke up with my ex. Parang ako naman yung "hindi pa fulfilled" at that time.

Anyway, nag usap na kami and he talked to his mom. Ang sabi ng mom nya, mga 6 to 8 years ang waiting time para makuha sya papuntang US. And then another couple of years para ayusin ang papers naming mag ina. So siguro 10-11 years all in all bago kami ikasal.

Napag isip isip ko, as long as masaya kami, he treats me right and he's a good father to our son, kahit na wala pa munang papers, I'm OK with that. Darating din kami don.

[dca201]

^there is long lasting love. we're talking about getting married. there's a HUGE difference. hindi lahat ng nagmamahalan, nagpapakasal. hindi lahat ng nagpapakasal nagmamahalan. 

i just broke up with my bf of 7 years yesterday. we love each other but it seems that he does not have concrete plans of settling down. i understand that he may not feel fulfilled yet. so i told him to search for his fulfillment oh his own...

Getting married is not the only meaning of settling down.

[dca201]

i never said getting married equals settling down.  in our case, even domestic partnership or co-parenting  was not in the plans. in short, our relationship was not "leveling-up"... 

If you read your post that I quoted, it meant like it.

[chedz.03]

Marry a MAN. Not a BOY.

agree!

[Serena.]

Based on your post. Ayaw pang patali ng tatay ng anak mo. Naaawa ako sayo sis, kasi ikaw ang babae, ikaw ang naaargabyado, dapat pinakasalan ka na nya dati pa. Kung talagang mahal ka nya papakasalan ka nya may it be glam or civil. I will pray for you sis.



xo

[Neverfull]

First, the petition to become a U.S citizen reason is so invalid. He is 27, over age na siya. Kung below 21 siya gets ko reason niya. I have friends na hindi na makuha ng parents nila kasi over age na. I knew some na kinasal na sila tapos 10+years bago sila na grant ng petition. If nakikita ng bf mo yung future niya sa U.S with you and your son, the more na dapat mag pakasal na kayo para kung tumatakbo na yung application for petition kasama na kayong 2 ng baby mo.

Second, siguro kaya din sya ganyan kasi he is trapped in a situation na mahirap labasan. Imagine he has 2 kids with 2 different mothers at 27? Bata pa yan sis, hindi pa clear ang utak nya sa gusto niya and that is the reason why settling down is not his number# 1 priority.

Third, do not insist. or should I say NEVER. The more you tell him about the marriage thing the more na aasa ka, the more na hindi niya gagawin. Ang mga lalaki yata ganun talaga, hirap sila mag sabi sa mga girls na AYAW pa nila mag pakasal. Madami silang dahilan.

Fourth, I agree with the "Marry a MAN. Not a BOY." from dca201. Marry someone who will make you a better person.

Fifth, keep praying. Tell God to guide you in whatever journey you will be. May it be with the person or not always have faith that sooner or later, the best answer will show up.

[k_heart]

Yung pagiging mature,wala naman yun sa age! I think 27 is of an age na talaga. Biro mo naka 2 babies ka na sa 2 different mothers pero mukhang wala talagang balak pakasalan ang mga mothers ng babies nya. Is he even supporting yung kid nya sa una?
I think yan lang din ang mahirap pag live-in kasi usually ang thinking ng guys, pumayag na ng walang papel, bakit ko naman pakakasalan pa. From stories that i hear from friend s and acquaintances, rare yung mga nagli-live who ends up marrying their partner.

Although yung brother in law ko, live in din sila nung hilaw ko na Sister In law kasi nga may petition si BIL papuntang US. So alam ng sis in law ko at paulit-ulit na sinasabi yun ng mother in law ko, na wag magseryoso sa relationship nila kasi hindi sya mapapakasalan. and during that time si SIL, hindi lang sya ang GF. Pero ang nangyari parang she traps my BIL, by getting pregnant. So ayun, live in pa din sila. At mukhang walang kasalan talaga na mangyayari kasi waiting for the petition si BIL.
Pero yung hubby ko, he was the one who was granted a US petition kasabay ng mga in laws ko kasi sya yung youngest. Pero ano ginawa nung hubby ko, pinakasalan ko at navoid yung US ek nya. He just  graduated from college nung nagpakasal kami.

So ang point ko, kung gusto talagang pakasalan ni lalake si TS, noon pa dapat kasi may dahilan. Eh ngayon,parang wala ng dahilan.
Pero sis Swt_fem, i may also be wrong. Iba ibang tao,iba iba rin naman ang cases. Just pray for him at sa situation mo. And also para magkameron ka ng clear mind sa mga decisions mo. Wag mo na sya kulitin sa marriage thing.

And like what you said,mukhang happy  ka na uli sa situation nyo and then be it. Good luck sis and praying for your happiness! : )