Against All Odds Relationship

[superboink]

Super haba ng love story ko. To cut the story short.. May bf ako ex na kasi nagbreak na kami. He got 3 daughters sa iba't ibang babae. Kasal pa siya sa isa dun. Walang work. Gwapo siya, tall, dark and handsome. He cheated me a lot of times (sa bestfriend ko for 7 years and isang mas bata sakin na ka-name ko pa.. etc yung iba kasi hindi ko na nahuli..) Tanggap ko babaero siya, tanggap ko marami kami ang di ko matanggap nagpa-picture pa siya with his girl in this cheap club na both of them are so wasted. Ang cheap talaga. Binabalikan niya with all this litanya na magbabago siya and bigyan pa siya ng chance. Gusto ako ng magulang niya kasi nagbago daw anak nila because of me. He's a pain in the ass eversince. I'm head over heels sakanya. I love him so much. I don't know if I'll give him another chance. Pero alam mo yung feeling na ubos na ubos kana. I don't like his friends, pare-pareho lang sila and my friends don't like him too. I'm so stuck.. I know napakaworst ng situation ko pag naging kami pa. How can I fight this feeling?

[aquacharly]

Tanggap ko babaero siya, tanggap ko marami kami
  Gusto ako ng magulang niya kasi nagbago daw anak nila because of me.
 I'm head over heels sakanya.
 I love him so much.
 I don't know if I'll give him another chance.
 I'm so stuck.. I know napakaworst ng situation ko pag naging kami pa.

 How can I fight this feeling?

I noticed that for every negative trait or undesirable factor of his you list down -- you immediately counter with words of acceptance, love, etc. 

So, how do you fight the feeling?
 Let's get this straight:  nobody just in a snap/"click" falls out of love.
It takes time, determination & consistency to fall out of love.  It's a process one  goes through --  before, voila! your feelings flat-line.

SO, how do you fight the feeling?     
You  fight as everyone does with anything requiring effort/commitment:     by taking 1 Small Step.
In your case, IMO, -- by just facing The Truth he has you in the grip of lust.
Accepting what really binds you to him, inspite of a list that does not speak well of what  he is .... , may just clarify matters in your brain.... That you aren't ever gonna emerge a winner in this relationship with a guy like that.   

As long as you are happy, inspite of all his messy activities -- you will not fight your attaction to him.
You will make all kinds of excuses, the most convenient: "I'm head over heels.... I love him so much".
Enjoy ka pa eh with everything you do  with him.   Ang "thousand G" (i-tagalog mo)  is addictive.

Well,  eventually you will stop when nadidiri ka na with him and his f-cking around.

What am I trying to say  nga ba?
Hangga't hindi ka tumigil sa mga statements mo as  quoted above, you  ain't fighting ... Actually, you  aren't even thinking of fighting.   So, well, just sit back & enjoy until he commits another betryal that breaks your/the camel's back.   
Sana, ma boink! ka habang bata-bata ka pa.

Curious lang talaga  ako why you  can accept so much sh1t/crap/betrayal from  him, but you say you can't accept 1?/a few?/many?  Photos of him wasted with a girl in a cheapo club.  Porn photos ba?  Performance photos ba?   Dear,  liwanagin mo sa sarili mo why you can't acccept another indiscretion/betrayal that  doesn't top, for example,  his cheating with your bestfriend.   

[KaraVT]

He has broken  all  the rules;  and your heart, repeatedly. Yet  your heart takes all his blows.  Sometimes you must  use your head in the interest of self  preservation.  Aquacharly  said it all.  She also  raised a few questions that should bother you more.  Make you think.

[justin3]

i'll abstain from having sex in a week pag mali ang hinala ko kung bakit di maiwan si Boy Barako
                 Love? my a55! ang totoo...  SEX MUST BE GOOD, soooooo good, right?

superboink, i browsed some of your posts before i posted here. no doubt, he is the same guy you are referring sa mga previous posts mo, well, kung ganun, walang kwenta rin mga advices matanggap mo dito. you had all the sound, rational advices before... eh, after two years, same problem pa rin with the same guy?

(pero ok ka ha? di sya naka-assemble ng pang-apat nya na panganay? ingatz ka lang, baka sa pagiging hayok nya sa laman, baka nahawaan ka na ng ABC virus,)

the way i see it, di na martyrdom to, hindi na rin kat4ng4h4n... ADDICTION na. sakit na yan. magpa-rehab ka na.

ganun pa man, magbigay pa rin ako ng payong kapatid.

How can I fight this feeling?

alam mo sis, ang ADIK, kung hindi bukal sa loob nya ang gumaling, kahit na ilang beses mo ipa-rehab yan, kung shoshongki pa rin pag labas... ADIK pa rin kahinatnat nun.
now, kung totoo man to na gusto mo na sya itaboy... CUT ALL MEANS OF COMMUNICATION abruptly! ganun kadali.

again! parang adik yan, kung walang bato ma-shongki paglabas nya ng rehab, tuluyan nang mawala sa sistema nya ang addiction sa bato.
kaya, if you really wanna KILL (not just fight) that fcuk1ng feeling, never ever communicate with him.

but if while logging here at GT, naka-open naman ang FB account ni Boy Barako sa isang tab, ay, sadyang walang mangyari dyan sis. goodluck na lang sa yo.

[janbea]

so you read many options how stop that foolish feelings  its your choice. imagine yourself being killed softly. erase him i mean all memories   totally and recall  what you did before making life enjoyable. stick to it. explore profitable hobbies and go with friends compromise not to mention your past especially this this barako boy.

[KaraVT]

Yes, her bondage to that scab is may be rooted in addiction., as JUSTIN3 observed.   Who am I to advise on breaking addictions when I can't finish a day without consuming Royce choc coated chips?   

[physicaldump]

I got a different story, however Ive realized that there are things. That no matter I would like it to continue, there will always be a fear, that in the future things would turn out differently. That it will be unpleasant. 

[superboink]

Thanks sa mga replies.. It's not the same guy I had two years ago. Iba naman siya sis. Yes siguro nga addict ako and like ng mga girls na pumapatol sa kanya sa kabila ng lahat.

Nagkabalikan kame and now confirmed ko na kaya ako nagkasakit gawa niya. Alam niyo naman na siguro ibig kong sabihin na "nagkasakit".

Nalaman ko na ang last daw niya ay di niya kilala at one night stand. Ang sakit kasi siya wala ako ang nagkaroon. Ang gusto ko lang ngayon magamot ako. Nakakahiya yung nangyari sakin.

I'm cutting everything with him. Ang sakit sakit ng ginawa niya sakin.

Oo nagbago siya nung nagkabalikan kami pero now ko naconfirmed na beside sa nahuli ko maraming iba pa.

Magpapa-rehab na ko. Ayoko ng ganitong buhay.

[dumpee.o13]

Thanks sa mga replies.. It's not the same guy I had two years ago. Iba naman siya sis. Yes siguro nga addict ako and like ng mga girls na pumapatol sa kanya sa kabila ng lahat.

Nagkabalikan kame and now confirmed ko na kaya ako nagkasakit gawa niya. Alam niyo naman na siguro ibig kong sabihin na "nagkasakit".

Nalaman ko na ang last daw niya ay di niya kilala at one night stand. Ang sakit kasi siya wala ako ang nagkaroon. Ang gusto ko lang ngayon magamot ako. Nakakahiya yung nangyari sakin.

I'm cutting everything with him. Ang sakit sakit ng ginawa niya sakin.

Oo nagbago siya nung nagkabalikan kami pero now ko naconfirmed na beside sa nahuli ko maraming iba pa.

Magpapa-rehab na ko. Ayoko ng ganitong buhay.

^ naku, good luck sayo sis. sana continuous na yang pagbabago mo. you deserve someone better, yung guy na mamahalin ka na ikaw lang. marami pang iba jan sis. i admit, wala akong karapatang mag-advice ng ganito kasi ako mismo e pumayag na parang maging 3rd party ng ex ko before. pero sis, think of yourself. babae tayo and we don't deserve to be treated like this. sad lang kasi sa situation mo is ikaw na nga yung dehado, ikaw pa yung nagkasakit. pero sis, tama yan magmove on ka na. BS yang lalaking yan. karma na lang bahala sakanya. goodluck sis! godbless =)

[superboink]

Nahihirapan ako mag-move on mga sis. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. Alam ko its stupid of me na bumalik sakanya. Tinatry niya magbago pero alam mo yun wala ka ng peace of mind kaya ang ending ay away. Ang hirap mga sis, despite sa lahat ng ginawa niya mahal na mahal ko padin sya. If its sex, bakit ganito ang effect? Sobrang sakit. Its been a week na tinapos ko lahat ng communication namin and its killing me everyday. Palagi ko siya naalala kahit saan lalo na sa bahay ko. Sa work lalo. Hindi ko alam.. 8 years ang gap namin.. im in my early twenties and I know mahaba pa ang buhay ko to be miserable like this. Im trying to help myself as in struggle talaga. LAhat na ng mali nasa kanya pero bakit mahal ko padin siya. Kanina pako iyak ng iyak. Ako na ata pinakatan ga dito sa GT para mainlove sa kagaya niya. Pero ito na sis eh wala nako magawa.

[chiqmom]

you don't just love a person by accepting him, you have to change him if you really love him and i guess leaving him is the best you could do. been there, done that. its challenging and you may get addicted to the pain. but its a relationship that is bound to fail.

do yourself a favor, leave now before he does.

[michelles]

Superboink, believe me hindi ikaw ang pina ka ga** dito sa GT. Mas loka loka pa ako sayo.

Pero alam mo sis, tama sila. Bata ka pa, tulungan mo sarili mo. Mahirap mag move on pero pilitin mo para sa sarili mo at sa future mo. What I learned from my previous relationship is we have to learn in admitting na "nakakapagod" talaga. Gets ko yung "in love ka, matured understanding, learning to forgive and forget, blah, blah..." pero sis tama na. Stop pushing, as in wag mo na insist. Learn from my mistake, kung dati pa lang nag give up na ako sana hindi ganito naging buhay ko ngayon.

Keep on praying, love yourself and be patient. Kaya mo yan sis.

[superboink]

Naiiyak ako mga sis.. nahihirapan ako mag-move on. Hindi ko alam saan ako magsisimula. Saan ako pupunta. Alam ko maliit lang yun problem ko compared sa iba pero ang sakit ramdam na ramdam ko yun sakit sa puso ko. Hindi ako makapagsabi sa friends ko kasi magagalit lang sila sakin sa pagiyak ko sa isang katulad niya. Habang siya masaya at pinapamukha pa sakin.

[ettevyvi]

My take is the root of the problem is low self-esteem. Syempre di ba, if you know you DO deserve better, you will effin cut him out of your life. If you have boundaries that you know when a person crosses that boundary, you'll opt out.

I know how it hurts. The pain is searing, and it cuts your heart like million pieces. You wish, at some point, that you just wanted to die to forget every pain and betrayal he caused. But you have to be strong. You have to take care of yourself. YOU need steel balls to cut ANY KIND of communication between that guy. And you should know this and what other sisess have told you: YOU DESERVE SO MUCH, MUCH BETTER. : )

Learn how to love yourself first. STOP any kind of communication you have. Go cold turkey. This is a wake up call already. Basta palagi mong isiksik sa isip mo na wala syang kwenta. List everything na mga masasamang ugali nya. I can assure you, a cheat like that don't and NEVER will change. Stop berating yourself. Have a solid support group that you can call and comfort you but give rational advices at the same time. If they're REALLY your friends, they can understand you and welcome you. Real friends knows you're wrong but if you know you are, hindi na sila para ipagduldulan kang mali ka because they love you anyway.

@sis dumpee: I think may K ka naman magsabi, through experience kasi yan. : )

[aquacharly]

Stop tracking him.  No news is good news for you. 

[justin3]

oha? my first post in this this thread was last March pa, and 3 months later, this thread...

http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,261884.msg7068572.html#msg7068572

adik!

[superboink]

@justin3 yeah, I can really say that sex was really good pero hindi ba pwedeng minahal ko lang talaga yung guy despite everything? 3 months na nga.. at sana yung 3 months na yun nakamove on nako kung di ko pa pinilit.. May talaga ako nagdecide to cut everything with him kaya struggle ako.

[justin3]

nyeeek! what i mean ay yung FB thing. kaya i attached the new topic you opened. 

eh, kahit kailan sex is good naman talaga.
minahal? ang sarap pakinggan ng salitang LOVE ano? kahit saan gamitin ang sarap pakinggan. kaakibat ang peace, harmony, unity...

pero naman my dear superboink, yung LOVE mo is toxic eh. BAWAL! hindi akma. hindi nararapat. yung taong pinaglaanan mo ng pagmamahal HINDI rin karapat-dapat mahalin.
       
tapos nandito ka.
teka nga muna. ano ba talaga ang pakay mo? are you really asking for advice here on how to move on? are you looking for someone to sympathize with you? are you expecting someone here to tap your back and tell you to fight for that dumb love? na tama yung minahal mo sya? aba, aba, aba! swerte mo at hindi married si Boy Barako (hindi nga ba talaga? ) kung nagkataon na married yon, siguradong kukuyugin ka ng mga sisters dito.

now, if you really want to get rid of him, just follow ANY of the advices here. swak yon.
3 months? matagal na yon. ang iba, sa lagay na yon, may bagong bf na. swerte mo nga eh, di mman lang lumobo ang tyan mo.

at pakiusap... wag ka ngang STALKER sa FB.

[dumpee.o13]

@sis dumpee: I think may K ka naman magsabi, through experience kasi yan. : )

^ haha! thanks sis, see you later!

[jojo2978]

Bihira ko ito makita, parang support group.  Iniisip ko kabilang side na advise.. Kidding.

Kaya mo yan sis, before nga na di mo pa siya kilala nag exist ka, ngayon kahit wala na siya mag exist ka pa rin.  It will be really difficult sa umpisa, walang magsasabi sa iyo rito na madali, pero you have to deal with that phase.

Isipin mo na lang, every pain and experiences na-gain mo from this will make you a strong person.  In time, tatawanan mo na lang mga kahibangan na nagawa mo for this guy.  You deserve someone better.