Sis, mawalang galang lang sa sasabihin ko ah. Pero hanggang kelan ka magpapaka-t@nga para sa kanya bago mo matututunan na WALANG SINUMAN ang may kakayahang manakit sayo kung hindi mo papayagang saktan ka nila? The main problem here is not that he hurts you, but rather you allow him to treat you like worthless trash. Ganyan ba gusto mong pagtrato sayo ng taong sinasabi mong mahal ka at pinaglalaban mo kahit na pagsalitaan ka na parang utang mo sa kanya yung buhay at kaligayahan mo? Aba. Mas swerte pa bayarang babae kasi kahit nababastos pagkatao nila, nababayaran sila. Eh ikaw? You've got everything to lose and nothing to gain everytime he hurts you, embarrasses you in front of others and speaks ill of you.
I understand where you're coming from. I came from a relationship that was abusive, although ndi naman physical. I thought I couldn't live without him. And that he was the one for me. But a year after our breakup, I couldn't be more happier that I gathered the strength to finally leave him, the relationship and that mindset behind.
Sa mga salita mo, I can pick up that you have issues with your self-worth. Kasi imbis na magalit ka sa kanya dahil sa mga ginagawa niya sayo which is the normal reaction, ikaw pa tong nagbibigay ng dahilan sa kanya para saktan at saktan ka niya ulit by chasing after him. Madaling sabihin na mahal mo ang isang tao. Kaya nga nagkakaroon ng kasinungalingan kasi taliwas yung sinasabi ng isang tao sa katotohanan. Alalahanin mo sana na if someone loves you, IT SHOULD FEEL LIKE HE LOVES YOU. From your words, kita na you're just trying to rationalize his actions and convince yourself that he STILL loves you when his actions spell otherwise. If he loves you, you wouldn't have to go thru all the trouble of figuring out if he really does. If he's giving you mixed signals then don't bother deciphering him. Ang pagmamahal, pag puro, mangingibabaw yan kahit ano pang away ang pagdaanan niyo. Kahit ano pang sabihin niyo sa isa't isa, hindi ka magdududa sa pagmamahal niya sayo. Eh ndi nga ganun nangyayari, kasi tumakbo ka nga dito para humingi ng tulong diba?
Para sa ikakaganda ng buhay mo, SAVE YOURSELF FOR SOMEONE BETTER. I'm sorry to tell you pero HINDI mo naman talaga siya kailangan para mabuhay ka o para maayos yung sarili mo. All you need is yourself and lots of faith that everything will turn out for the better. You have to cultivate your self-respect and you should put an emphasis on honoring your parents. Walang magulang ang may gustong ginag@go yung anak nila.
And remember, hindi porket nagpapaka-martyr ka para sa isang tao eh unconditional love na yang nararamdaman mo. Kahit pa akuin mo lahat ng sakit para "maayos" yung relasyon niyo, hindi self-sacrifice yang ginagawa mo. Kasi to be able to do that, you must have a SENSE OF SELF. Alam mo dapat kung anong halaga mo at kung sino ka. Hindi yung hinuhugot mo galing sa abusado mong bf yung rason para masabi mo sa sarili mo na karapatdapat kang mahalin. May bf ka man o wala, alam mo na dapat yun. Para maging maayos yung relasyon mo with anyone, make sure na buo ka bago ka sumabak, hindi yung maghahanap ka ng tao para bumuo sayo. Kasi pano na pag nawala yung tao na yun? Nabawasan yung pagiging tao mo, ganun ba yun? So ibig sabihin, yung mga taong walang jowa, incomplete sila? Alalahanin mo, kaya nga couple ang tawag kasi a couple is made up of TWO WHOLES. Ang half + half eh 1 lang yan. So kulang. Ang 1 plus 1/2 eh kulang pa rin.
Hindi mo dapat hayaang diktahan ka ng ibang tao at parusahan sa pagiging isang taong alam mo namang hindi ikaw. Sabi niya malandi ka and you believe him just like that? He tells you to grow up and you agree when what he does is far more immature? Hahayaan mong itanim niya sa utak mo na mahal mo siya at mahal ka niya at may chance kayong magkaroon ng magandang future pero ikaw nga tong may dilemma kung dapat iwan mo siya o ndi? Ano ka ba sister. Magkape ka naman para magising ka ng kaunti. No woman should settle for a sh1tty relationship. Although bata ka pa at marami pang opportunity para makahanap ka ng lalaking matino, hindi dapat yun ang panghawakan mong katotohanan. Ang isipin mo dapat eh maikli masyado ang buhay para magtiis ka sa bagay o sitwasyon na KAYA mo namang labasan KUNG pagsisikapan mo. Wag kang duwag. Wag kang duwag na iwan siya, na maramdaman yung sakit at matutunan yung mga dapat mong matutunan tungkol sa totoong pag-ibig at sa buhay. Hindi ka makakakuha ng gusto mong happy ending kasi pare-pareho lang naman yung ginagawa mo. Tingin mo after ilang months eh magbabago na agad yung bf mo? Ndi naman sa wala akong tiwalang kayang magbago ng tao. I have faith in the inherent goodness of a person. Pero wala tayo sa TV. Walang instant finished product sa totoong buhay. Everything needs time to turn out the way they ought to be. If you really want him then you should give yourself and him a break from each other. If years after you still feel the same way for him and he magically rids himself of his tendency for hurting women physically, then maybe you should get back together.
Pero for now, the best thing to do is to change your outlook (about yourself, him, life, love) and march on with your life. No self-respecting woman would/should/could let anyone make her feel like she has to work for the respect that she deserves. Mahirap lang yan sa simula. Pero hindi ibig sabihing mahirap eh imposible. You just have to decide first that you're better off not just without him, but without any guy who acts like he's the god of your life. Kasi iisa lang ang Diyos sa buhay natin. Kung may takot at tiwala ka sa kanya, hindi mo hahayaang masayang yung buhay at katauhan na binigay niya sayo. Kaya mo yan sis. (Sorry pala ang haba ah. Gusto ko lang makatulong sayo at sa mga babaeng pareho sa sitwasyon mo. Hindi ko kayang hayaan kayong nagkakaganyan. Aatakihin ako sa puso sa inis. Haha)
*Uy ndi ako galit ha. Carino brutal yan. Ayokong i-baby ka kasi I think at this point in time, ndi na uubra sayo yung simpleng payo payo lang. Nung mga araw na nagpapaka-bangenge ako, I wish there was someone who gave me the same kind of rude awakening. Wala lang. Kung ndi ka man makikinig, keri lang. =) You'll get to learn the lesson eventually. I'll just pray that ndi humantong to something tragic bago mo pa matutunan yung lesson mo. Good luck sis!