i gave birth to an angel

[shinta]

took a while and a lot of strength for me to post here again. naging malaking part din kasi ng pregnancy ko ang board na ito kaya i find it hard to go back and share what happened. i thought and expected kasi i will be like the others who happily shared their birthing experiences after they gave birth. unfortunately for me, i won't be sharing a happy story.

i gave birth last Dec 19, 2011 at 4:30 a.m. via CS at the PGH. it was an emergency CS kasi vaginal delivery talaga plano ni OB. but baby Liam had already pooped while i was in labor. they only found out when they punctured my water bag, the fluid was meconium-stained na. the bad thing is, naka-inhale na si baby Liam ng meconium and worse, some of it landed on his lungs. this brought about nasty complications: pneumonia and PPHN (persistent pulmonary hypertension of the newborn).

two days later, Dec 21 at 10:24 a.m., he joined God and became an angel.

according sa neonatologist who attended him, it was the PPHN that worsened his condition. they gave all the medicines that they could give, and in their maximum dosages, too. as for the machines, there was one machine sana that might be able to save his life, it's called ECMO. unfortunately, it's not available in the phil. so it's like saying, they did everything they could but only God could save him then.

my story will be short and devoid of emotions. masakit pa rin kasi para sakin na balikan, or rather ikwento in full details yung nangyari (although every night, i still retrace the events that led to that fateful day, thinking what i could have done to prevent it).

i wish there's something i can share, tips or anything that will help you na maiwasan yung nangyari sa baby ko. but i was really surprised and for a time, in disbelief that everything happened the way it did.

they all asked me kung overdue ba ako, i always say i'm only on my 39th week, my due date is dec 26. tsaka i was sure about my LMP. before i got pregnant, I was really monitoring my period because of ovarian cyst problem (monthly akong nagpapa-tvs which is usually done 5 days after my period). even if nagkamali ako ng LMP, i still have at least a week to compensate for the error.

the neonatologist said na kung di ako overdue, one possible reason kung bakit nagpoop agad si baby is na-stress siya sa loob. possible causes of stress are infection, diabetes or long labor.

as far as i know, wala akong infection or diabeter. my lab tests were all okay, unless mali talaga yung results na nailagay. ang lagi ko lang prob are low hemoglobin count and di ako masyadong nag-gagain ng weight. i was 110 lbs when i gave birth, pre-pregnancy weight was 95 lbs. nung 6th month, nagpa-OGCT ako and okay naman ang result. sabi ni OB, since wala namang sabit si OGCT, di na niya ako pinag-test pa ulit before i gave birth. but she requested for urine CS and CBC nung 9th month. urine CS was ok, CBC low hemoglobin count pa din (110 yung dapat, 102 lang ako)

as for long labor, lagi namang sumasakit ang tyan ko weeks before my due date. but like what my OB and everyone else are saying, even the articles i've read, it's not true labor unless regular na yung interval ng contractions. so di ko din sure kelan ba nag-start yung true labor ko. all i can remember is nung dec 18, my contractions started early afternoon, pero tolerable pa. nung di na nawala nung gabi, nagpa-ie muna ako sa isang malapit na lying-in at around 9 p.m. para sure akong di false alarm (malayo kasi samin ang pgh and the week before nag-false alarm na ako at pinauwi lang din). i was 2-3 cm dilated so pumunta na kami ng pgh and at around 12 mn, 4-5 cm na ako so they admitted me na.

so as to what really caused him to poop while still inside me, wala talagang definite answer. there were no signs and everything was ok until we learned nga na nagpoop na siya.

my OB also said na di naman uncommon ang meconium-stained babies. her son is one of them, even my pamangkin and hubby's pamangkin are also meconium-stained. pero they were all okay. so i guess, for now, it's just easier to believe that it's God's will kung bakit di nag-survive si baby Liam namin.

it's easier to think of it that way. but it doesn't make it less painful. and if i will describe the pain, it felt like nothing i've ever felt before. i guess no mother will ever get over the loss of her child.

[lawlib24]

condolences to you sis, it's sad to read your story. only God can tell what will happen talaga.

[ishko]

hugs to you sis... I pray that God will help you overcome this...

[j27]

God bless you sis.

[honeys]

sis shinta,

reading your story makes me cry, i cant even breathe.. i know no amount of words that can compensate/pacify the pain you are feeling now.

I believe God has a purpose and  things happens for a reason.


in Gods time wounds will be healed. take care sis and my prayers are with you. hugs sis.

[scents01]

i'm sorry to hear that sis..we also frequent the other thread months back, getting all excited and prepared and busy with all those lab tests just to ensure our babies are okay..i just can't imagine your pain right now basta our prayers are with you..

[aceofhearts]

A tight for hug for you sis. I am a mother too that's why I can feel your pain. Our prayers are with you.

[mommy_ni_trisha]

hugs for you sis..God bless..

[red_apple]

It's really hard to say but I share the same pain as you do right now sis.  I just gave birth to my Angel Matty last Dec 28.  Same with you, meconium stained na rin ang amniotic fluid nya.  It was still painful hanggang ngayon, exactly two weeks when it happened.

It was really painful the fact na hinihintay ko na lang maglabor ako kasi normal din ako like you.  However, 39 weeks na din sya until nadiscover namin na wala nang heartbeat ang baby ko.

Marami kaming gustong iblame for what happened, my OB... my sonologist.  Kasi I already went to ER nung naramdaman ko na di na gumagalaw baby ko nung Dec 26.  But since the heartbeat and ultrasound are okay, and 2 cm dilated pa lang daw ako that time so pinauwi din nila ako the same day.

Araw araw, hindi parin nawawala sa isip ko kung ano pa dapat ginawa to save my baby.  Pero siguro nga he's meant to be an angel for us.  It's so hard to think na ang first born kong baby will not be with me and his daddy until we get old.  But with the help of my family, friends, priests and pastors' that we have talked with, we learned to slowly accept things and go on with life.  I know that my baby is in good hands now.

We are almost of the same case kasi I conceived healthily and wala kaming makitang dahilan why the baby pooped before the due date.  Tomorrow pa namin makukuha yung results ng biopsy ng inunan for possible causes.

Kaya natin ito sis.  I know our babies are watching over us right now.  Have faith in God.  He has better plans for us.

[j a n i z]

This is really sad. If i can remember it right, halos sabay tayo kinasal sis. i'm always reading your entry mo sa blogs mo re: wedding during that time.

Anyway, sis, I have din a officemate who gave birth last Dec 31 and her baby died a day after. Di rin malaman ano reason coz ang sabi during her labor, sobrang nanginginig daw si officemate and nun nilabas si baby, nagcry daw pero once lang and nun hinawakan sa kamay, d daw naggrip si baby. The day i heard about the news, i cried. coz i also have my baby and i cant imagine na mawala ang baby ko sakin.

reading your stories, i wanted to cry again.

but sis, i know you are strong. maybe your baby is set to be your angel up above, im sure he will guide you and your hubby everyday. keep the faith sis and will be praying for you, your baby and your whole family.

[gentai_chan]

I'm sorry to hear your stories sis..Prayers for you and your babies who are now with Him. Just be strong sisses, I know madaling sabihin unless if I were in your shoes pero He always has reasons behind our trials..May God bless you and kudos for being brave enough to share thoughts despite the pain..

[bleucharmz22]

my condolences to you sis shinta and red_apple.

i frequently see your posts here in GT that's why affected ako sa nangyari.
maybe they are destined to be your angels. i pray to God to keep you strong and safe.

hugs to you both...

[jp_jameop]

sis shinta and si red_apple- napaiyak tlaga ako.. condolonces to both of you and a very tight hug..

sis shinta - i know how hard yung pinagdaanan mo sa pregnancy mo.. all the stress and everything kaya I know how painful it is... but I believe you are very strong kaya kaya mo yan.. Have faith and keep your faith HIGH. God is great all the time..

our prayers will be with you...

sa mga buntis na waiting for delivery - pray and pray tyo sisses... ingat palagi...

[kaice]

shita and red_apple - condolences

nakakasad ang ganitong stories after the nine months na na-aattach na tayo sa mga babies natin, making sure that they are ok everyday.

everything happens for a reason. we might not fully understand them now but GOD has plans for you. may your little angels guide you. they felt your love the past months, i'm sure they are watching over you.

shinta - i have read your posts before and i know the emotional pain you have gone through during and after pregnancy. be strong, your sisses are all here for you.

[honey-ecclaire]

I'm a mom too and I really cried alot nabasa ko pa lang yung title mo sis Shinta,
Actually familiar ka na sa akin since halos magka-bathc yata tayo dito sa GT....
I know baby Liam is always beside you!

[airwaterfire]

@ sis shinta and red_apple, condolence sisses.
    Be strong and take care.
@ sis shinta, nabasa ko rin previous posts. Take care.

[icee_star]

I just read your blog and it made me cry more sis shinta. Be strong sis sis Shinta and red_apple. Your angels are with the Lord now and will be watching over you. God bless you both mga sis and I will pray for your strength.

[kutingpie]

my prayers are with you sisses shinta and red_apple, naiyak ako sa inyo.

[zanabee]

my condolences to you sis shinta and red_apple.

your stories made me cry.... God bless you both mga sis.... be strong... 

[kikay9599]

Hug tight, sis shinta and sis red apple..
I kept on kissing my baby while reading your posts, can't imagine myself in your situation.
My prayers are with you during this difficult time..