Author Topic: should you lower your standard? (Read 1268 times)

charmed_gal · « **on:** October 31, 2011, 06:53:18 pm »

i've been single for almost two years. i've been with my ex for almost 7 years kala ko sya na talaga. pero break up pa din ang ending. for two years na single ako nakikipag date naman ako, may mga pinapakilala naman saken mga friends ko pero wala talaga ko magustuhan. sabi nila masyado ko perfectionist. may makita lang talaga ko isang bagay na hindi ko nagustuhan, i won't bother going out on a second date with him.

mga sis na mimiss ko na mag ka boyfriend lalo na ngayon mag christmas na naman... oo na enjoy ko pagiging single ko pero mas masaya pa din when i'm in a relationship.

should i just lower my standard just for the sake of having a boyfriend? pero kilala ko sarili ko na alam ko someday kung ano ayaw ko sa guy sa umpisa pa lang, forever na ko hindi ma ka get over dun.

k_heart · « **Reply #1 on:** October 31, 2011, 07:06:00 pm »

Ay naku sis, don't lower your standard just for the sake of having a bf. Nagkaroon din ako ng ibang experience na ganyan before, kasi magki Christmas at parang feeling ko malungkot pag wala pa rin akong bf. In fairness, hindi ko naman binabaan ang standards ko, pero hindi ko sya ganun ka loves. The guy is a businessman, drives a BMW, may itsura din pero yung feelings ko ang kulang. Sinagot ko sya then nagka regrets agad ako after a few hours na naghiwalay kami after our friendly date. Ayun, tinawagan ko uli at nag sorry ako and i said na break na tayo. at nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Just a moment of madness!ha!ha!
Unfair for both na maging mag GF/BF just for the sake of having one.
Although kung talagang mahal mo naman sis at sincere ang intentions sa yo, pero feeling mo hindii sya ang ideal guy, ito yung time, na pwede mong babaan ang standards and get to know him a little better.
Ano ba kasi sis ang standard mo? May mga bagay din kasi na non-negotiable at meeon ding negotiable. Halimbawa sa age, ayan negotiable yan. Halimbawa kung mayaman ba or hindi, napag uusapan kasi pwedeng ngayon lang walang pera pero educated at ambitious, well balang araw, yayaman din yun.
Looks department? Depende sa yo sis kung gusto mo pang gumanda ang lahi nyo or you will settle for just decent looking or not. Pwedeng negotiable, pwede ring hindi.

charmed_gal · « **Reply #2 on:** October 31, 2011, 07:14:13 pm »

^ wala pa naman point na dumating na i think mahal ko na si guy
but there was two guys na ok naman pero hindi ko alam pero may something na hindi ko ma explain bakit hindi ko sila magustuhan. and now their gone kaya eto ako ngayon napapaisip dapat ba pinilit ko na lang sarili ko magustuhan sila para hindi naman ako lonely this x mas season?

k_heart · « **Reply #3 on:** October 31, 2011, 07:18:04 pm »

^Ay naku sis wag na. Better be single and happy, than part of a couple but not that happy.
Nung nakilala ko kasi yung hubby ko, first time ko na nameet, gusto ko agad sya.

pretty_in_victorian · « **Reply #4 on:** October 31, 2011, 10:14:52 pm »

^ gusto yang story mo.. pagka meet mo palang gusto mo na sya agad.

sis charmed_gal, ikaw na mismong nagsabi na pag may ayaw ka, forever na syang ganon so magiging unhappy ka lang pag binabaan mo standard mo..

k_heart · « **Reply #5 on:** October 31, 2011, 10:24:17 pm »

^he!he! Oo sis, unang kita ko, type ko na sya! Although hindi sya yung first bf ko.( Medyo magulo yung relationship ko before him, puro pasakit.ha!ha! I have also learned from my past relationshipsand dating kaya nung na-meet ko sya, madali kong nadifferentiate ang feelings ko fo him at sa iba kong manliligaw during that time. Physical attraction comes first muna syempre which slowly develops into love! : )

Then nung nameet ko ang future in laws ko, alam kong sya na nga yung guy kasi mabait sila lalo na yung future mother in law ko during that time. Sa house ako dinala ng bf ko na future hubby ko pala. kaya ko madaling nagustuhan si mom in law ko kasi may picture agad ako sa sala ng bahay. Nagulat at natuwa ako syempre. It means aprub agad ako sa in laws ko! he!he! I knew then, na sya nga nga!

k_heart · « **Reply #6 on:** October 31, 2011, 10:35:42 pm »

Kasama kasi sis sa standard ng pakakasalan kong lalake ay mabait dapat ang in laws ko! : )

mooncake and leaves · « **Reply #7 on:** November 01, 2011, 01:25:40 am »

i think it's either you have chemistry with someone or you don't. standards are mere guidelines. they're not rules. and usually when you find someone you jive with, those standards fly out the window.

keep dating and keep an open mind.

charmed_gal · « **Reply #8 on:** November 01, 2011, 08:02:42 am »

Quote from: pretty_in_victorian on October 31, 2011, 10:14:52 pm

^ gusto yang story mo.. pagka meet mo palang gusto mo na sya agad.

i like that! pati in laws mo nagustuhan mo na agad ng first meeting....

pero like you said, baka naman may traits si guy na negotiable pero ikaw sis first meeting jackpot kagad!

Quote from: mooncake and leaves on November 01, 2011, 01:25:40 am

keep dating and keep an open mind.

hopefully carry ko advise mo sis

Mr.Punch · « **Reply #9 on:** November 01, 2011, 01:44:06 pm »

Hmmm..... "standards" means a dividing line where people are either above it or below it. Medyo elitista and dating eh. That means yung anak ng corrupt na congressman, mas mataas ang standard kaysa sa masipag na magsasaka. but does that make him a better person? Not really.

Maybe it would be better if you view things in terms of a "list of requirements". That way, you won't feel too guilty about dismissing a good person as "below standard".

pretty_in_victorian · « **Reply #10 on:** November 01, 2011, 03:02:22 pm »

sis k_heart i really really like your story. haha

di ko masyadong gusto future in laws ko.. hehe.. iba kasi sila sa family ko.. SOBRANG warm and welcoming kasi family ko kaya mas madalas BF ko dito sa bahay kesa sa pagpunta ko sa kanila.. sa 8 years namin siguro walang pang 10 times yung pagpunta ko dun.. we're quite far din kasi QC sya Paranaque ako..

rastagurl11 · « **Reply #11 on:** November 02, 2011, 03:11:21 pm »

Quote from: mooncake and leaves on November 01, 2011, 01:25:40 am

i think it's either you have chemistry with someone or you don't. standards are mere guidelines. they're not rules. and usually when you find someone you jive with, those standards fly out the window.

keep dating and keep an open mind.

Winner naman ito, this guy and i have this magic, chemistry, connection that leaves the rest of the world in shambles pero bffs lang muna kasi ayaw ko sumakit ulo ko kakadecode ng mga actions niya. he's not Mr. Right for a lot of reasons pero marami siyang redeeming values that leaves me saying "Wow". He is younger, as in way younger pero age doesn't seem to matter.

so tama, there are negotiable and non negotiable aspects, if you like the guy and you think it would work, you can give it try, that way, walang what ifs.

definedelirium · « **Reply #12 on:** November 03, 2011, 01:58:45 pm »

rather than 'lower your standards,' be realistic. ang labo naman na meron ka lang nakitang isang di mo nagustuhan sa tao ibig sabihin you wont bother knowing the person more. ang standards naman ay wala ring kwenta kung in-love ka talaga sa tao.

of course we all want a good man, but there's no such thing as the perfect man. he doesn't exist. if you're seeing a guy who you think does not meet your standards, it doesn't mean you're settling for less. it means you're open to working with his short-comings and liking his entire being, flaws and all.

~yufa~ · « **Reply #13 on:** November 13, 2011, 10:51:20 pm »

2 years? That's short lol. Ako nga mag 5 years na eh.. tsk. The problem is, my ex was the most perfect guy for me. Then he left me. From then on I told myself I'll find someone better than him. Too bad I haven't seen that guy to now. Not even close. My ex is funny, smart and sweet. His only imperfection? He left me. Minsan nga may magpaparamdam sa akin if I know he's no where near him then naka shut down na yung utak ko. Paramdam pa lang ha. Sometimes pagka yung isang guy reminds me of my ex, I try to talk to him then if I find something na lesser than sa ex ko then I feel disappointed. It made me realize nga na maybe I'm just looking for "someone who won't leave me". Diba, dun pa lang lamang na lamang na sa ex ko. Problema, di ko naman yun makikita sa umpisa.

k_heart · « **Reply #14 on:** November 13, 2011, 11:27:16 pm »

Quote from: pretty_in_victorian on November 01, 2011, 03:02:22 pm

sis k_heart i really really like your story. haha

di ko masyadong gusto future in laws ko.. hehe.. iba kasi sila sa family ko.. SOBRANG warm and welcoming kasi family ko kaya mas madalas BF ko dito sa bahay kesa sa pagpunta ko sa kanila.. sa 8 years namin siguro walang pang 10 times yung pagpunta ko dun.. we're quite far din kasi QC
sya Paranaque ako..

Thanks sis for the Like! : )

Although si TS is only looking pa lang naman for a bf. So pwedeng maging flexible.
Yung sa akin kasi, standards na ng pakakasalang guy.

Nung single din naman ako, date ako ng date, you will never really know din naman kasi a guy until you spend time together.

My husband is the "perfect guy" for me although he's not perfect! Sometimes kasi bugnutin din.

mooncake and leaves · « **Reply #15 on:** November 14, 2011, 02:01:13 am »

yufa: regardless of how perfect your ex seems to you, he did possess a major flaw, a deal-breaker: he left you. he disappointed you. he broke your heart. if you keep building him up in your head, you're never going to find the happiness you deserve. it's natural to want someone who's got the whole package but unless that someone is a good person, someone you can respect then the things you see on the surface won't amount to much, cheesy as that may sound.

lovely_chic · « **Reply #16 on:** November 14, 2011, 12:54:21 pm »

Medyo ako naka relate dito but yun nga I don't wanna lower my standard just for the sake of having one and I told my family about it especially my mom kasi siya yung kausap ko parati when it comes to my heartache. Sobra kasi naging perfect yung ex ko and if ever makahanap ako ng iba gusto ko closest to his personality at attitude rin ang guy. Though mahirap yan mangyari but who knows.

kuliglig^^ · « **Reply #17 on:** November 16, 2011, 02:07:44 pm »

Sis, if you think your standards are reasonable naman, and you have valid reasons kung bakit ganun kataas, never ever lower your standards. You deserve someone who fits your standard, and you should never compromise dahil baka ikaw magsisi sa huli.

Buti sana kung parang shoes lang yan na pwede palitan agad.

michandesu · « **Reply #18 on:** November 17, 2011, 02:32:59 pm »

you don't need to lower your standards sis. Kasi alam mo kung ano magpapasaya sayo eh. I can't imagine myself trying to endure being in a relationship na may nakikita akong ayaw ko. Kasi sa break up din ang uwi. Pag may dumating na para sayo, then he's meant for you. If it doesn't work, don't give up.

pero if you have standards, make sure na makatotohanan naman yan.
example: kelangan meron [textspeak!] ng lahat ng ito: gwapo, doctor, matangkad, chinito, nagwwork out, walang bisyo..
nako, mahihirapan ka nyan. Baka 10 years na wala parin.

nikkinikks · « **Reply #19 on:** November 17, 2011, 06:19:21 pm »

we should never ever settle for anyone less than you deserve.

kung feeling mo, may kulang, wag ipilit.

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Author Topic: should you lower your standard? (Read 1268 times)