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Author Topic: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?  (Read 25091 times)

choco mallows

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #20 on: December 27, 2011, 05:21:34 PM »
Same here, but, I am already 30. :) I think and feel she should just enjoy her singlehood.

She should make an effort to develop herself some more. Take classes, do some makeovers, etc.
Go out and develop friendships with different people. Reach out to other people. Maybe to other singles as well.

She should just take it easy since it's better to wait than to be sorry in my honest opinion. :)

I hope this helps!

Leilama

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #21 on: December 28, 2011, 10:44:30 AM »
when I was still in HS di ko magets ang mga classmates ko noon na atatters na magkaBF now that I'm mid 20s at NBSB parang naiintindihan ko na sila. :(

I'm not pretty pa naman di ko alam kung may darating pa para sakin.


princessette

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #22 on: December 28, 2011, 12:59:18 PM »
when I was still in HS di ko magets ang mga classmates ko noon na atatters na magkaBF now that I'm mid 20s at NBSB parang naiintindihan ko na sila. :(

I'm not pretty pa naman di ko alam kung may darating pa para sakin.

sis don't be like that remember beuty is in the eye of the beholder tska nasa mid-20 ka  pa lang there is still plenty of room for improvement... yung karamihan nga habang tumatanda lalo gumaganda because thats how nature works :)



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Leilama

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #23 on: December 28, 2011, 03:25:57 PM »
^hayz oo nga, pagpapaganda na nga lang muna atupagin ko habang zero ang love life

angeluz

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #24 on: December 30, 2011, 11:34:15 PM »
super nakakarelate ako dito... I was once in your friend's situation.. NBSB din ako before i met yung boyfriend ko now...i only knew love through the novels i read, dun sa mga movies na napapanood ko and sometimes pag nag lalakad ako sa mall tapos nakakakita ako ng sweet couple super envious ako sa kanila... i also had low self confidence and minsan tinitingnan ko yung mga girls na may boyfriend na hmm mas maganda naman ako sa kanya bakit kaya sya may boyfriend tapos ako wala?.. i remember keeping a journal therapy na din yun for me pag nalulungkot ako... and there came a time na parang ayaw ko na malungkot and if single ako eh [textspeak!] naman dadating lang yun pag sinabi ni God na time na for me to meet that special someone...

what i did was nag aral ako... i got busy trying to improve my self and naku yung money ko which i earned pag nag tutor ako ng kids and allowance na bigay ng mom ko ginagastos ko para mag beauty hehe... naging addict ako sa SPA then nung hindi ko na sya naiisip i met my boyfriend and you know what i always felt na si God bigay sya talaga sa akin kase ang daming mga coincidence na naging way para ma meet ko sya... but that's a different story...

ms_simone

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #25 on: January 01, 2012, 12:19:38 PM »
Naka relate naman ako dito. Anyway, just want to share my story..

First off, isa rin ata ako sa mga late bloomers. It did not help that most of my friends are very pretty and outgoing. I was that "girl" in high school - the girl that get along with almost everyone, well-liked by her friends but generally overlooked by the guys. I'm the girl the guy approached only if he needs tips on how to court any of my girlfriends.  ;D Most of my friends say that I am a catch since I have a great personality and all and that any guy who would realize that would be very fortunate. I should just wait and see. Sadly, college come and gone and the lucky guy has not come knockin' on my door.

I tried to take it all in stride and just live my life. I focused my energies on other things - career, friends and other activities. I was living my life and enjoying it. Although, there were times of self-doubt when I would wonder whether there is something wrong with me. I would ask myself - am I that unsightly that guys don't see me in a romantic way?? I know that I do not need a guy to live. But emotions are treacherous. There are just times when I wish I have that someone - someone to cuddle with, share silly jokes with - just someone who thinks I'm special enough. I had so much love to give and yet no one to give it to.  :(

Sure, there were some guys who would ask me for a date, or someone my friends would set me up with. But that special connection I was looking for eluded me and I did not want to just settle with the first guy that came along. Even I am not that stupid and desperate. Plus, most of them were younger than me. And I did not see myself as a cougar just yet.  ;D

My 30th birthday came and went. Then IT happened. And yes - it happened when I least expected it. The BF and I reconnected during a class reunion that I was at first hesitant to attend. He's a childhood friend who I haven't seen in ages (last time I think was 15 years ago). Weirdly enough, every five years or so since our graduation, we would find ourselves talking over the phone and just basically saying hi and hello and catch up on life's events.

It actually took me a long time to realize he like me in THAT way. Actually, he has to spell it to me since I always considered him as part of my childhood barkada and I really didn't think I was his type since his exes were mostly the model-types which I am definitely NOT. He was the charming playboy in our circle of friends while I was the bookish, smart girl.  :) I was just happy then that I've finally found my guy bestfriend. So I was a bit surprised when I started receiving romantic texts from him. I actually thought he sent them by mistake and I even forwarded some of his texts to a common friend so we could laugh on how cheesy his lines were. He had to literally sit me down and explain to me that he's fallen for me (a hilarious moment in itself).

Anyway, we've been dating for 2 1/2 years now and planning our wedding. It's been a roller coaster journey (hey, relationships are not easy but that's another story  :))

The moral of my story I guess is that good things comes to those who wait. And it will come when the time is right. Not sooner or later. i doubt if the BF and I would have work things out if we hooked up much earlier. If someone told me 6 years ago that he and I would end up being a couple, I would say that is so crazy and ludicrous. But fate has a weird sense of humor at times.

So live and enjoy life each day. Life is full of great surprises.





lisse

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #26 on: January 01, 2012, 12:25:35 PM »
^awww, that's such an inspiring love story! Love really is patient.

sprinkledust

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #27 on: January 01, 2012, 09:22:49 PM »
Hi ms_simone,

Wow your story is really inspiring and heartwarming!!! Thanks for being positive to girls out there who are still nbsb.

Naka relate naman ako dito. Anyway, just want to share my story..

First off, isa rin ata ako sa mga late bloomers. It did not help that most of my friends are very pretty and outgoing. I was that "girl" in high school - the girl that get along with almost everyone, well-liked by her friends but generally overlooked by the guys. I'm the girl the guy approached only if he needs tips on how to court any of my girlfriends.  ;D Most of my friends say that I am a catch since I have a great personality and all and that any guy who would realize that would be very fortunate. I should just wait and see. Sadly, college come and gone and the lucky guy has not come knockin' on my door.

I tried to take it all in stride and just live my life. I focused my energies on other things - career, friends and other activities. I was living my life and enjoying it. Although, there were times of self-doubt when I would wonder whether there is something wrong with me. I would ask myself - am I that unsightly that guys don't see me in a romantic way?? I know that I do not need a guy to live. But emotions are treacherous. There are just times when I wish I have that someone - someone to cuddle with, share silly jokes with - just someone who thinks I'm special enough. I had so much love to give and yet no one to give it to.  :(

Sure, there were some guys who would ask me for a date, or someone my friends would set me up with. But that special connection I was looking for eluded me and I did not want to just settle with the first guy that came along. Even I am not that stupid and desperate. Plus, most of them were younger than me. And I did not see myself as a cougar just yet.  ;D

My 30th birthday came and went. Then IT happened. And yes - it happened when I least expected it. The BF and I reconnected during a class reunion that I was at first hesitant to attend. He's a childhood friend who I haven't seen in ages (last time I think was 15 years ago). Weirdly enough, every five years or so since our graduation, we would find ourselves talking over the phone and just basically saying hi and hello and catch up on life's events.

It actually took me a long time to realize he like me in THAT way. Actually, he has to spell it to me since I always considered him as part of my childhood barkada and I really didn't think I was his type since his exes were mostly the model-types which I am definitely NOT. He was the charming playboy in our circle of friends while I was the bookish, smart girl.  :) I was just happy then that I've finally found my guy bestfriend. So I was a bit surprised when I started receiving romantic texts from him. I actually thought he sent them by mistake and I even forwarded some of his texts to a common friend so we could laugh on how cheesy his lines were. He had to literally sit me down and explain to me that he's fallen for me (a hilarious moment in itself).

Anyway, we've been dating for 2 1/2 years now and planning our wedding. It's been a roller coaster journey (hey, relationships are not easy but that's another story  :))

The moral of my story I guess is that good things comes to those who wait. And it will come when the time is right. Not sooner or later. i doubt if the BF and I would have work things out if we hooked up much earlier. If someone told me 6 years ago that he and I would end up being a couple, I would say that is so crazy and ludicrous. But fate has a weird sense of humor at times.

So live and enjoy life each day. Life is full of great surprises.

ms_simone

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #28 on: January 01, 2012, 10:16:14 PM »
^ Sis tama ka. Dapat positive lahat tayo on our outlook on life.

The law of attraction worked for me. After reading the book The Secret, I realized I should not dwell on the negatives on my life. Before kasi, I used to obsessed about what is lacking in my life - not being pretty enough, not being engaging enough to catch another's interest and so forth. I realize that thinking these thoughts made me self-conscious around people, hence hampering my chances of making a connection with people.

I try to recite positive affirmations each day which helped me a lot. I noticed na mas maganda ang araw ko then slowly I became more confident each day. I began to enjoy each day, explore new things and activities. At yun na nga, unti unti I was coming out of my shell. Guys started asking me out (yun nga lang mga mas bata sila pero that fact boosted my ego, hehe). A few months after, I met the BF na nga. Sabi niya he was instantly drawn to me when we met again after all these years. I had a certain glow daw - may confident smile daw ako that night that made me beautiful and he was instantly hooked. hahahaha. Hanggang ngayon he relishes in telling our story to our friends -on how he would come up with excuses to just talk and see me. And how I was so dense not to realize he was courting me already. Sabi ko old habits die hard lalo na at di ko naman alam kung pano ligawan. hehe.

So don't lose hope mga sisses. My love story happened when I was 30 going on 31.   

ms_simone

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #29 on: January 02, 2012, 02:35:26 PM »
^ naku sis I went through the same thing. Lalo na yung when I was turning 30 - feeling ko life is passing me by, parang spectator lang ako - ganun ang feeling ko nun. It did not helped pa na almost all of my female cousins who were years younger than me were all getting married and having kids. Yun yung I-feel-so-ugly stage ng life ko. I was also awkward during social occasions - I only tend to loosen up pag mga friends ko ang kasama ko. lalo na pag sa mga family gatherings. Paano ba naman yung mga cousins ko were all pretty and confident. Maganda kasi lahi ng mom ko (my mom was a looker back in the day at madami siyang suitors nun). Eh nagmana kaming magkakapatid sa dad side - presentable naman kami pero we will never be the homecoming queen baga. hahaha. Lagi ang description sa akin pag sa family gatherings - ah yung anak mong matalino. Kaasar di ba.. hehe. Lalo tuloy akong naging insecure..

When it comes to other things okay naman ang life ko - I have a handful of loyal friends, I have a career, I can do most of the things I want etc. Lovelife lang ang wala. Syempre kahit ano pa sabihin ng mga friends ko na maswerte pa rin ako, may part pa rin na I want to find that guy who would show me love and who I could give all the love I've been bottling inside me for years. hahaha

Anyway, yung nga after my 30th birthday, I realize same pa rin ako. Nagbago lang age ko. I guess I just let go. Hinde ko prinessure  sarili ko. Then I came across the book The Secret. Ang natutunan ko dun is how our emotions play a part in our destiny. So I made a list. I listed all the things I am grateful for and I also listed the things that I would do or achieve. Syempre nilagay ko dun na I will find a guy who will really love me. Below nun, I listed yung mga must have qualities ko.

Everyday, I would also watched that affirmation video na kasama sa book. Tapos I would start my day with prayer/meditation. While going to work, I would listen to the song perfect day by hoku. hehe. By doing these things, napansin ko na mas naeenjoy ko yung each day. Nawala yung most of my worries. At di na ko masyado nagoobsess on finding THE guy. hehe. Tapos mga 3 or 4 months after, a classmate suddenly emailed me that he's coming for a visit and could I helped in gathering our old friends. And the rest is history I guess.

The best part is after a year I came across the list that I made. Sobra akong natawa kasi most of what is in the list eh nagkatotoo - even yung nilagay ko na I wanted to have my own business which I listed on a whim. Pati yung mga qualities na nilist ko eh ganun ganun nga si BF. hehe. He is not perfect pero I could not ask for more. Kasi isa na nilista ko dun is I want my lifelong partner to be my friend also. Eh si BF, we started out as friends. Although di kami ganun ka close before,we know each other well enough. Kumbaga di na kami dumaan dun sa stage of putting our best foot forward. Another thing I love about him is how proud he is na ako yung GF niya. Actually, ang pakilala niya sa akin sa mga tao eh asawa niya. Tapos naasar siya pag may nagcocomment na ang swerte ko daw sa kanya (cute and charming kasi si BF kaya people are always drawn to him). Lagi niyang kinocorrect mga tao na siya daw ang maswerte kasi pinagtiyagaan ko siya. hahaha.

On a side note, I have a friend from college na sabay namin pinagdaanan to. She's pretty yun nga lang nasa heavy side siya kaya insecure din siya lalo na at sinabihan siya ng exbf niya na okay na daw sana siya kung di lang siya mataba. WTF! Anyway, ang nakakatawa is she ended up with one of my childhood friend. Kaklase namin ni BF dati. They just got married. ;D

superbubly

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #30 on: January 05, 2012, 12:55:30 AM »
hi there, newbie lang dito :)

hindi ka naman siguro panget sis, siguro pihikan ka noh? baka mapili ka lang sa lalaking magugustuhan mo or di kaya akala mo walang nanligaw sayo pero di mo namamalayan merong nanligaw sa iyo na di mo lang pinansin or naging busy ka sa ibang bagay. Puwedeng ganun yung reason, Puwede din namang hindi ka masyado nakikihalubilo sa mga boys, or ulit baka naiintimidate sila sa personality na meron ka. Try to mingle sabi nga nila, paminsan minsan hindi masamang makipag flirt pero wag naman masyado ah, yung konting flirt lang. Saka don't worry di ka nag-iisa.
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ako

jillai

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #31 on: January 16, 2012, 03:00:25 AM »
for those who are still single, and you think it's not by choice, i'd like to differ in my opinion. i don't believe there is such a thing as 'panget' that's why you can't snag a boy. Look around you, i'm sure so many times you wondered how such a not-so-pretty girl has a bf/hubby..while there are really pretty girls who don't have bf's too. What i believe is that there is such a thing as 'time for everything. The reason you're not in a relationship now is because it's not yet the right time and/or you are saving yourself for the right guy.  :)

There's so much more to life that you may be missing out on because you're focusing on being single. I was single for a very long time too...but the thing is, while it was bothersome, i was also aware that i didn't want to settle down with 'anybody' just for the sake of having someone lang, or escape the incessant teasing of everyone else. After all, keep in mind that when you're in the wrong relationship, those very same teasing people will not be able to get you out. (btw, I learned this the hard way kaya nasasabi ko to ngayon).

Better naman siguro yung single and waiting kesa naman attached and hurting, di ba. :)
 
« Last Edit: February 03, 2012, 04:23:31 AM by jillai »

janix athena

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #32 on: February 01, 2012, 10:12:41 PM »
Sis i-repost ko lang yung reply ko dun sa thread na "DISKARTE on finding love"

I was NBSB until I was 26 (29 na ako now, recently married to my first BF of 3 yrs). I had to accept the fact that I wasn't getting any younger, that I had to give priority to my lovelife if I want a lifelong partner. So here are the things that I did:

1. Read relationship books. Haha. This really helped me a lot. Kasi it changed my thinking and misconceptions about a) what disposition I need to have when entering the "dating game" b) what I should be looking for in a partner. Best books for me were "The Rules" and "How to Find a Date worth keeping."

2. Practice practice. Nakipag-date talaga ako ng bongga but not without the proper disposition and mind set first. Very important: Don't think of a date as a potential husband. Think of it as just hanging out. Kapag kasi dinibdib ang date you would send off vibes sa ka-date mo and you might even unconsciously try to impress your date, so hindi lalabas yung natural na ikaw. :)  Guys can sense if you're phony. Not very attractive. If you're not wound up about what he thinks of you, the natural vibrant you will surface, way sexier. :)

3. Wag maghanap ng guy who's 100% ideal. 80% lang is pasadong pasado na, provided that he dosn't have any deal breakers like drug addict ba sya o satanista? Be clear sa sarili mo what for you are deal breakers to make the search a bit more simple.

4. Kahit hindi mo type yung guy ok lang, go out on a date kahit once lang, basta make sure that you make wise choices about your security. Don't go to secluded places etc. Make the date as safe as possible.

5. Let your friends know you are single and ready to mingle. The next time they meet an eligible bachelor they would have you in mind and will not hesitate with setting you up on a blind date. That's the power of networking, but remember, safety first.

6. For me the biggest obstacle was I was such a homebody. As in tamad ako lumabas ng bahay. So for the first few months I had to make an effort to always go out, with friends, with officemates, basta lumabas ka lang. Nothing happens at home, except when I'm reading those relationship books. hehe.

7. I could go on and on and on. But before I forget. Make sure while you're doing all these, you're also making an effort to know yourself better and be a better person. Kumbaga be the right person to meet the right person.

8. Remember, guys are attracted in this order: 1-Physical, 2-Intellecttual 3- Emotional. For girls: 1-Intellectual, 2-Emotional, 3-Physical. Guys are visual. They wont notice your brains or personality if di muna sila attracted physically. But diff guys prefer different types of beauty. So don't worry.

Prayers, prayers. The Lord knows who's the best for us. I used to pray so hard for God to give me this guy, and di kami  nagkatuluyan. I found my husband who's so much better and later found out about pangit na ugali ni previous guy. So it's good that God doesn't always give us what we want, but always gives us what we need.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2012, 11:17:43 PM by janix athena »

marose17

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #33 on: February 02, 2012, 10:41:43 AM »
Okay lang iyan.  I got married at the ripe age of 33.  No regrets.  I am glad I waited.  My husband and I are happily married.

Why so late?  I am choosy.  Also, I am quite tall so it was not easy to find guys taller than me that I could date.

I did go out on dates.  I have several friends and lagi akong nase-set up with guys they know that I could like.  Only laging either I like the guy and he doesn't, or the guy is into me but I don't like him.   In the end though, I found the right one for me.

Pray to St. Joseph to help you find a good husband.

In the meantime, huwag magmukmok, girls!  Go to the salon, gym and improve yourself.  Travel.  Go out with friends.  Basta, be out there!  Let the guy find you, not the other way around. :)

janix athena

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #34 on: February 03, 2012, 01:48:00 PM »
You're welcome sis sprinkledust. :) happy to help.

About your question "Paano ka nakapag-date ng bonggang bongga?" Minsan kasi intimidating ang dating nating girls so kahit may guy na nagkakagusto indi sila makapag-first move. So, first thing to check is when you're out there, is your demeanor open or is your body language saying "wag kang lumapit"? Minsan if merong lumalapit sakin sa malls offering World Vision charities (alam nyo ba to, yung solicitation if gusto mo mag-donate s UN or World Vision?) then we happen to have a pleasant conversation, then at the end the guy would ask for my number na. Start na yun. But it won't happen if I was masungit or unpleasant. More tips on this when you read the book "How to Find a Date Worth Keeping" by Dr. Henry Cloud (Be dating in six months or your money back - ang sabi ng subtitle)

Another example: There was this guy na barkada ng kuya ko. I knew he liked me pero takot dumiskarte because of my brother. So minsan when he texted saying something like: "Nakakatakot ka kasi parang ang-hirap mo i-please" I replied "Ano ka ba madali lang ako mapasaya. Movie at dinner lang masaya nako". So it was like I gave him a little encouragement. Diba? That goes a long way, pero dapat pa-demure pa rin. Haha. So ang result: A date sa MOA.

Another example: Another barkada of my kuya used to borrow my books. I'm a book lover kasi and so is he. So since I knew na mejo crush na nya ako, when I found out about this book fair in a mall, I texted him "Mukhang maganda pumunta dun sa book fair, you wanna check it out?" See? Very neutral, walang complications. Note: Wala ako crush sa kanya. Pero I just wanted to give it a shot. Openness is the word. Besides, it gives you good practice even if you don't end up liking each other.

janix athena

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #35 on: February 04, 2012, 12:20:50 PM »
Hi again sis sprinkledust!

You need to find time for it. Walang bagay ang lumalago kung hindi pagtutuunan ng panahon. If you wanna be sexy, for example, you'll want to make time for working out. You wanna be rich, you'll make time for making money. You wanna be in-love, you find time for love.

When I was dating I was living in a boarding house. So on weekends, instead of doing my laundry, I bring it to the laundry shop and then I go out and date. You'll find ways sis.

It's not a requirement in this life to be with a partner, but it's wonderful (when you're with the right person). And si God na rin mismo ang nagsabi sa Bible, it's not good for man (or woman) to be alone.

For our sisses interested in knowing which books I've read, I recommend the following:
1. How to get a date worth keeping - by Dr. Henry Cloud
2. All the Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider
3. Why Men Marry Bitches - by Sherry Argov

Enjoy reading mga sis. Hope everyone updates us with their happy endings. :)

jillai

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #36 on: February 07, 2012, 09:47:21 PM »
Sis Janix, i agree with you, I've read 'Why Men Marry Bitches' too...and super recommended! it's a must for those lalo na yung in a relationship na..it may act as some sort of a guide para na rin maiwasan yung instances na tine-take advantage ka na pala nung guy, di mo pa alam. For newbies naman in dating, para malaman mo din yung do's and dont's.  :) I read this book at the time i was on the look out for a relationship too (I was single for 4 years at that time) and was almost in a dead-end relationship. Buti na lang, i read the book kaya medyo natauhan ako just in time to save myself from a bad relationship. I also think it's all about empowering yourself. And empowerment/feeling good about yourself helps - kasi you attract potential partners that way - at least that's what I experienced. When I was bothered that I was single, there was no luck in the dating scene...but when i started to be comfortable and happy being single, that's when i met my H2B. I was 29.  ;)

rosela

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #37 on: March 09, 2012, 03:23:49 AM »
hay... nakakrelate ako ng sobra dito sa topic.
I will be 29 several months from now and natatanung ko din kung may nakalaan ba para akin, kung may kahati ba talaga yung puso ko. If there's someone who would love me also and many questions regarding having someone.
Hindi sa pagbubuhat ng bangko pero maganda naman ako, matalino, professional,  personality alam kung meron naman pero bakit wala. Although sometimes naiisip ko rin na maybe because there are other priorities I have right now na siguro hindi pa binibigay sa akin kasi kailangan ko munang tapusin yun. And hindi rin siguro kasi ako outgoing and not so friendly na rin kasi minsan feeling ko hindi ako welcome or rejected agad kahit gusto kong makipagfriend. I don't know but sometimes I think people don't like me. Haha, yun ang minsan naiisip kong reason kaya wala akong BF or walang magkagusto sa akin :)

pinkbubbles17

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #38 on: March 18, 2012, 12:14:59 PM »
Just be yourself..don't feel ashamed for yourself..Chin up,smile and be confident..just one question picky ka ba?
♥ Just be yourself ♥

janix athena

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Re: No boyfriend since birth at 29 - advice?
« Reply #39 on: March 18, 2012, 01:22:58 PM »
^^That question nga for me was very awkward dati, but when I opened myself up to going out on dates kahit hindi ko pa masyado gusto yung guy, hindi na ako naasiwa when relatives ask me this question. Kasi it's like I can say na "I'm still collecting and selecting eh, pero wala pang pumapasa." :) I felt in control.

 

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