i was the other girl and i didn't know.

[kobekitten]

short story: while we were dating till we became a couple, he had all along been trying to win his long-time ex-girlfriend back (who broke up with him in the first place because she found out about me). nagkabukingan, hiwalayan. then, he won us both back, for a couple of months pinagsabay niya ulit kami. nagkabukingan ulit recently when the girl and i had communication again.

but this time, he chose to pursue her. and here i am by my lonesome.

i know he did really bad things, he played us along, lied to us both. but before this mess happened & before i found out, i really loved him. i don't know how to deal with this. 

[deliciously_ridiculous]

sorry to hear about that. this guy's a loser. Believe me someone better will come along. Move on. Improve urself, and make him realize he made the wrong decision but by the time he realize that, you' wont take him back na.

[aquacharly]

How to deal with this?
Face Reality... you got a Loser.  Move on, what else is there to do? 

Do not wallow in misery, that's cheap .. madami yan ang gawain.
keep moving.. make new friends, make yourself over...   do not underestimate the power of a flirty red lipstick nor of prayers.

When you are really down,  repeat this:  "Thank you (That Other Girl's name, fill in the blank), for taking out my trash."

[kobekitten]

apparently he chose to win back his ex-girlfriend. at least this time, hindi niya na kami ipagsasabay. he chose only one, but it isn't me. so how do i nurse a bruised ego?

[midnight]

To the wound that never heals, cheers. But seriously girl, you were taken for a ride. Move on. It's ok to channel anger din at this point. But move on. Twice ka nang niloko, that's more than enough na.

Just saw your other post... how to nurse a bruised ego? No. 1, laugh the whole thing off. I know it's kinda hard since we are dealing with real emotions here... but everything has a funny side naman, diba? Try to find it. No. 2, MAGPAGANDA KA. MAGPAGANDA KA LALO.

[aquacharly]

Are you implying na ok din lang sa yo kung pinagsabay nya kayo, quesa ikaw pa na reject? 

Plus, why is your question: how do I nurse a bruised ego? Nurse as in nurture, para lumaki yan at ma swallow up ka?!

Or, I misunderstood and your query is:  how do  I repair my bruised ego?

Sure, it's  major time for self-doubt when rejected -- but if you look hard at the crassness/cruelty  of what he did to you -- he used you to  fill the gaps in between his phases with that girl, and for a time -- he put you through a painful triangle tug-of-emotions --  hindi ba mai-angat  nang galit mo, sense of being used, &/or   need to restore your self respect enough to kick in your survival instinct? 

Do not wallow in misery. Get revenge, the best revenge being - live well, live better 

[poetrytoprose]

you know you should be thankful that he did not choose you. Because once a cheater will always be a cheater. Who knows pag pinili ka niya you would go through another series of heart aches. At least at this point you have the chance to find someone much better. You don't have to go through headaches because of trust issue.

Console yourself with the thought na someone deserving is still out there. Pick up the pieces that he had broken and put it back together. Make time for yourself, love yourself more.

Pray for your bruised ego and for your broken heart. Prayer heals everything.

[kobekitten]

thanks midnight. i found out just yesterday that while he has gone cold turkey on me, he's been pursuing the girl nonstop. they went to bora, he's been giving her flowers and gifts, etc. in short, it seems magkakabalikan sila and i feel so kawawa (aside from realizing that he never pampered me quite like that; maybe precisely because i was just the short-term "other girl" to their 5-year relationship).

my feelings have been alternating between hurt, anger and self-pity. ok lang ma-hurt and magalit e, i know i have the right. but it's the self-pitying part that i hate, hindi ko ma-control..

^^ aquacharly no, didn't mean that. i'm just saying he learned his lesson that he can't have everything, that he's supposed to take risks. yeah, i meant repair. but when i start to wallow in self-pity wondering where i came up short, what am i supposed to think so i can shrug off that feeling?

^^^ poetrytoprose thank you so much. this really helps just now trying to deal with the urge to date any and every boy and hook up with old flames. (but that probably needs a separate thread)

[justin3]

tara, inuman na! alaaaaaaaaaaaak! celebration to. sige, tagay pa! let's drown Bruised Ego with alcohol.

pero di ba dapat you should celebrate naman talaga instead of mourning? imagine? nawala ang angkan ni Hudas at ni Pinocchio sa buhay mo.
(Hudas kasi traidor. Pinocchio kasi,,,)

oo na, you truly loved him. pero niloko ka eh. it was in his blueprint to let you fall for him, kaso clumsy nga  lang  kaya nabulilyaso ang loquo.
he fooled you once, shame on him.
if tomorrow nakipag-break sya sa gf nya at bumalik sa yo... ay ewan ko sa yo, bahala ka sa buhay mo if you'll accept him again... wag lang sana dumami ang lahi nyong dalawa, baka sakaling umasenso na ang Pilipinas

here, you are sharing your pain with us. if only we could give you a hug. but you know what? mas nakakaawa yung isang girl. isipin mo, 5 yrs na panloloko? at wala man lang sya GT sisters and brothers to comfort her.

tama na yan, inuman na!          ano iniinom mo sis? sagot ko ang una at huling bote.

[midnight]

ayan si sis (or bro) justin3 o. Sagot na daw niya. To the TS, as you can see, lahat kami dito isa lang ang advice. Move on, you're better off without him. Trust us. Dali tagay na!

[chasiderwin]

kung ako di ako manghihinayang, nagyari na sa akin yan, sa ex ko, sabay di kami nung nagkabukingan yung isa din pinili  , sabi ko magdarasal na lang ako at ng makahanap ng mas pa sa kanya (bakit di lang naman siya ang lalake sa mundo no), syempre umiyak din ako kahit paano at pinagdasal ko na sana yung makuha ko ang magbabago ng buhay ko at mamahalin ako ng totoo, and good thing ang ibinigay NIYA sa akin (my hubby now) wala akong masabi sa pagmamahal, pag-aaruga, pagiging tatay at asawa. pero ang masasabi ko na lang "kung si ex ang nakatuluyan ko nagpakamatay na ako  ", malas nung asawa niya now dahil until now nambababae pa rin at kaaway ang mga in-laws dahil sa pera. so kung ako sayo sis natamaan man ang ego mo dahil siya ang pinili ni ex ok lang yun kasi hindi ka habang buhay magdurusa sa kanya. may reason si God kung bakit, base on my experience, masakit oo, pero super saya ko now dahil di kami nagkatuluyan PROMISE

[nageinna]

alam mo sis tama lahat advices ng sissies natin here. you may not feel it now, pero sa inyong tatlo, ikaw pinakaswerte at panalo. isipin mo kung ikaw yung pinili niya, sa tingin mo you won't feel sorry about yourself? iisipin mo syempre there must be something wrong with me kaya kami pinagsabay, maybe im not good enough, not pretty enough etc. point is, no reason to feel self pity because the problem is not with you. it's with your cheating ex. and aside from that, makukuha mo parin bang magtiwala sa kanya ng buong buong knowing na he cheated on you not just once? what happened with you is a blessing in disguise. believe me, once the right one comes, doon mo marerealize how lucky you are not ending up with that jerk. allow yourself to be sad, be hurt, and even be angry, that's normal. just use the pain you're feeling right now to make you stronger. para kung magkita man kayo ulit in the future, you're whole lot better while him, still a sore loser. good luck sis.

[juwie]

Hello, tama sila lahat. I've been there also, the guy chose his long-time partner over me. Masakit talaga. Nakaka-insecure pa. Pero ngayon, nagpapasalamat na ko and I can actually say: "BUTI NA LANG!" 

[babyjapnurse01]

Nangyari narin sakin to, and I didnt even wait for him to decide who he really wants, ang mantra ko lang noon -- let go and let time heal me.

Sure, mahal mo yung tao, but is he worth it? I dont think so, if he cheated with you, chances are high that he can also cheat on you, walang assurance eh, wala kang security lalo na for someone na ganung mabilis ma-tempt at hindi kaya mag let go at hindi kaya pumili rightaway kung ano or sino talaga ang gusto.

Youll get over it in time, it wont be easy pero it would be easier if you push yourself na mag move on, isipin mo nalang, you deserve someone better, someone na ikaw lang ang mahal and wont cheat on you ever.

[aquacharly]

KOBE, just think:  Thank you, The Trash is out of my life.

You are too precious to waste on a man with little integrity. As the others say: eyes front! Repeat to yourself:   C when one is Down, there is no other way but Up.

[queendi]

yes they are all true. i am also in the same situation pero dahil dito sa GT, naging strong ako. Tinanggap ko na at ni let go ko na, mas masarap nga yung feeling kesa naman maging miserable ka habang buhay. And nakakainspire yung mga sinasabi nila na super thankful sila na kung hindi nagkaganon, hindi sila masaya ngayon sa mga naging partner nila. I really wish for that day to come to me also.
Everything happens for a reason sis.

[lualhati]

My friend forwarded a message to me, and it's a synopsis about the book "He's not that just into you" by Gregg (I forgot the surname) but believe me, it's really an OUCH! na WOW! kasi I was enlighted and really feel at ease after reading the synopsis.

Ang tinandaan ko lang dun is this, "once you've broken up with the guy, then he's going to plead and wants you back again, remember that this guy was the one who also hurt you before, nothing change."  I don't know the exact word but yeah, the thought was sya pa rin yung lalaking nang-iwan or iniwan ka, kung ano sya nuon kahit baliktarin mo pa ang mundo ganun na talaga sya. Time will change, he'll be good, in the end ganun pa rin, kasi it's already a habit..

the other girls here are right, you have to face reality that he's a looser, and you are a winner ! remember that. He's not your loss, it's his. Pagpray mo na lang silang dalawa, lalo na yung girl na isa na binalikan nya, why? kasi magagawa at magagawa ulit yan ng bf nya sa kanya.

[lunast]

@kobekitten: in my opinion, sis, i think u should count yourself lucky that you got out of that mess way earlier than the other girl did. isipin mo na lang yung emotional investment over time na ihuhulog mo sa relationship niyo nung guy.. versus yung other girl. there is nothing wrong with you. don't let what he did to you bring you down.

[buchi]

sis, parang tayo itong dalawa. pero i doubt, my ex is trying to win me back.
the thing is i was kind of at the otherside of the bargain.
ako yung PINILI (sa tingin ko)... and he wants to start anew. the thing is, kahit na, naandun parin ang takot, you'd always feel and try to look back what you could have missed na ginawa na naman niya para lokohin ka.
Its not going to be easy for the girl din, you know. same as you, but for you the good thing is that you can move on, nothing to bother you, nothing to mess with you heart, mind ever again. Take it as a blessing and watch out, do not fall for it again. =)

[siomai]

kobekitten, sabi mo 5 years na sila then you came in the picture and then naging sila ulit kasi pinursue nya. I think you have it in you to be liked and loved kasi nga napatingin sya elsewhere kahit na may 5 years relationship na sya.

Be happy for both of them. I think nakatulong ka sa kanila to find themselves again and this time mas sealed relationship nila. If you keep anger sa sarili mo di ka makakamove on.

Between you and the ex- ikaw dapat ang masaya kasi you are off na with a cheating guy and sigurista pa. Grieve, sulk, cry, if you will kasi masakit nga naman maiwan, mareject pero give yourself a deadline so you can look forward to meeting new guys who truly deserve you.

At max, give yourself a month. Start a new project. Redecorate your room. Learn a new sport. Meet new people.

I sincerely hope though that he apologises to you. Tell him rin how hurt you are pero you are willing to let go. You will come out a better person after this.