I know I ought to let you go already. But how I could I let go of someone that was never mine to begin with. This goodbye would have been my nth attempt to get you out of my system. Yet why do I have this feeling that every time that I am stepping back away from you, you are there again trying to sway me not to. This craze has gone too long and I need to end it before you can hurt me once again.
You were blunt enough to let me know where do we really stand to begin with but can you blame me for hoping for something more. I have invested much time, attention and feelings towards you. I know that you didnít ask me to do that but I did and Iím not regretting it all. The days Iíve spent with you are my happiest so far and that would also be my fondest memory. Nights are turned to day just to help you adjust on your new environment. Notwithstanding the 2 hour sleep I would still tend to talk to you in the wee hours of the morning trying to make you feel better because you needed someone to calm you down. You then became my only world. Instead of building my social network my days were spent in front of the computer, Skype and Yahoo Messenger became my best friends. Months went by and our routine was like this, I never complained about it. You made me feel that there is something going on between us, itís like we are more than just friends but we are less of being lovers. I felt contented with that, I didnít solicit for more. And maybe that was my greatest mistake. I should have asked where this so-called ďfriendshipĒ will lead us. I should have not just assumed. I should have talk to you about it.
Suddenly, the calls became less and I felt that something big is about to explode on my face. And I was right, later that night you told me that you have found someone already. You were very ecstatic about it that you werenít able to hear the pain that Iím experiencing. Hearing that news nearly shattered my world. It is with tears that Iíve uttered my most painful reply ďI am so happy for youĒ Though the universe can feel the irony inside me. From the moment you said that you are happy with her I knew deep in my heart that our ďfairytaleĒ has ended. You can no longer be my prince and I wouldnít be that princess that you will bring home to your castle.
Trying to move on and forget you is the hardest thing to do. Hurting became a part of my daily routine. I can no longer count the buckets of tears that I cried for you. I know I have no right to question you about your decision since there was never an ďusĒ from the start. I just assumed or then again maybe you led me to think that way. Every sad song I equated to you, to ďusĒ. I was indeed broken hearted. In my end I knew it was love and it makes me so sad that it ended before it even started.
Time passed and little by little my devastated heart healed. Thankful for my family and friends who made me realize that I can be whole again. I decided to let go of the pain and embraced a new beginning. I came to reach a very important life changing decision. Though it was hard, I decided to go out from my comfort zone. Determined to forget you I began a new chapter of my life in an unfamiliar place.
It took lots of time and patience until I have reached moment that Iíve felt I can wholeheartedly say that I can open my heart once again. But looks like Universe is playing a game on me, as I was closing the ďyou and meĒ chapter of my book all of a sudden by a twist of faith our paths crossed again.
We were very casual from the start, epitome of friends who strive catching up and trying to make up from the lost time. It felt good to talk to you once again. It was just like the old times. Laughing at each otherís joke and talking about anything under the sun. Iíve missed the friend I have with you. You can still manage to bring out the best and the worst of me. You still know how to make me smile and make me feel loved. Little did I know that that silly conversation we have is the start of another roller-coaster ride of emotions.
The communication lines are now again open. Yahoo Messenger and Skype are back to the circulation. You became my constant virtual companion once more. As much as Iíve wanted to shield my self from you there is a big part of me that simply canít resist you. I have yet again fall for your sweet lies. I should have known better this time but to no avail I failed again. Maybe because I still long to be with you, I still and will always love you.
The amount of hurt is not as much as it was before, but I felt so stupid to be lied to for the second time around. I have again let you played with my feelings. You have made me believe that it is our turn now. All along I thought I was really over you, guess thatís what Iím trying to believe yet not what I really feel. I donít know how much time will it take me to forget about the hurtful moments that you made me feel once more.
You will always occupy a special place in my heart. I am still holding on to the thought that someday we could still end up together. I can still picture out my future with you by my side. But at the moment I need to move away from you before you can again ruin the new world that I just started to build. For now, Iíll be moving on to the next chapter of my book. I will try hard to not include you with it. Let me chase my dreams as I let you chase yours, let me embrace the chance to be loved by someone who will love me as much as I love him. Let me have my fair chance of a happy ending.
I have decided not to cling to my past anymore, and when I say past you are included with it. For the meantime I wonít entertain any of your calls until the time that I can finally say that I am over you. Even if we didnít end up together, I donít want to lose you completely. I hope that in time we can still talk like the old friends that we are. I am still thanking God for bring you to my life, you have brought so many wonderful changes in it. You have made me the strong and matured person that I am right now. At the end of the day when someone opened my book of life, almost all of the chapter you are included in it. I still am not closing my door for you because if Destiny would wants the two of us to be together, the Universe will play its part to make our paths cross again in the future - no matter how impossible it may seem. Maybe by that time it would be ďourĒ time. But until then Iím gonna say my sweet goodbye to you Gio, until we meet again.