problems of our kids sa school (bullying etc..)

[imnuttz]

^maganda yan sana ma implement yan soon

[inkslinger]

@iceebaby - I understand your concern to your child, but I don't agree with your suggestion on how to handle a bullying situation, particularly with the other kid, or in your own terms "Dapat talaga, isang bully pa lang... gerahin na ang mga batang bully na mga iyan or even yung magulang."

I agree that those kids don't have the right to hurt our children. But we, the adult in the situation, with more social and emotional maturity than kids, should not send a bully words that are strong and laced with threats. All kids even when they did wrongly deserve our understanding, bully or not.

Kasi para narin tayong nambu-bully kapag diretsahan nating tinakot ang bata. May nanay rin iyon na masasaktan kapag nalaman na tinakot ang anak nya sa isang kasalanan that the mother had already apologized for.

I think a letter to the school officials and a request for a conference would suffice. The other kid should be with his/her parents if we want to say something that you think the other kid should hear. 

[iceebaby]

@iceebaby - I understand your concern to your child, but I don't agree with your suggestion on how to handle a bullying situation, particularly with the other kid, or in your own terms "Dapat talaga, isang bully pa lang... gerahin na ang mga batang bully na mga iyan or even yung magulang."

I agree that those kids don't have the right to hurt our children. But we, the adult in the situation, with more social and emotional maturity than kids, should not send a bully words that are strong and laced with threats. All kids even when they did wrongly deserve our understanding, bully or not.

Kasi para narin tayong nambu-bully kapag diretsahan nating tinakot ang bata. May nanay rin iyon na masasaktan kapag nalaman na tinakot ang anak nya sa isang kasalanan that the mother had already apologized for.

I think a letter to the school officials and a request for a conference would suffice. The other kid should be with his/her parents if we want to say something that you think the other kid should hear. 

Yup, sis... tama ka diyan. Kaya lang, iba kasi pag sinaktan na ang anak ko nagiiba talaga ang pagiging nanay ko.  Minsan iniisip ko pag yung anak ko naman ang mambully at ginanon yung anak ko ng isang nanay...gegerahin ko din yun kahit anak ko pa nambully. It was purely mommy angst.

Anyway, meron talaga akong mga mommy friends na mas worse diyan.  Talagangang pagkasabi pa nila sa nangbully "The next time you do that to my son, do you know what I am going to do to you?  After school, I will grab you and put you in a sack and kill you."  It's real! Pero, after that daw... yung bully kinakaibigan na niya yung anak nung friend ko.  Hay, matindi din ang ibang mommies than what I've actually done.

Well, happy lang ako kasi napigilan kopa yung sarili ko kasi I saw the face of the boy, parang naawa pa ako niyan.  Well now, they are friends na with my son and the boy felt really guilty daw sabi ng anak ko.

[imnuttz]

ako naman yung pagsulat ko sa school ang nag work, kasi gusto na actually sugurin ng mother ko dahil naawa na rin sya sa apo nya, in 5 years na nag i-school sya ngayon lang may nanakit sa kanya. tinanggap naman ng kabilang side ang nagawa ng anak nila at ngayon kinakaibigan din nung bata ang anak ko. though actually gusto ko na sana paiwasan sa anak ko kasi iba sya talaga nasa isip pa rin nya ang competition. may nasabi pa daw sya na "sige na pagbigyan mo na ako mag top 1". baka mamaya fini-friend nya lang anak ko para makagawa sya ng way para pabagsakin sya. lol. nakakatawa kasi kung iisipin mo mga bata pa talaga pero hindi rin e kasi totoong nangyayari.

[ichelie]

@Iceebaby and inkslinger, great discussion!

Good insights on handling bullying.  Think about this, pag sinugod ng magulang ng bata ang nangbully sa anak, it will cause the other child trauma.  If they put down the child, like your example iceebaby, thats not just bullying but more verbally abusing and emotionally threatening the other child.  We dont want to have our kids placed in that scnario!

Another is that, every time that we "fight our kid's battles," kahit na nasasaktan tayo para sa kanila, we lose the opportunity to teach our child how to deal with difficult people.  We will not be there with them all the time.  If they dont learn this skill early in life, panu nila matutunan makibaka sa buhay ang to tell off other kids who are sources of "peer pressure" when theyre older.  kahit masakit, its okay for them to be be uncomfortable.  But the important thing is we process what happened and we teach them what they need to do.

Most bully kids come from not so harmonious family set ups.  If we stoop to their level, the more we are continuing the bullying cycle.  Bullying is a sign of needing "attention" and manifestion of an unpleasant feeling in the child.  Intindinhin sila, pero, let them go through the consequence of taking responsibility for their bullying act.  Not in our hands, but under the school authorities. 

[iceebaby]

I agree sis Ichelie. Nice discussion talaga ito and di ko plano talaga sabihan yung kid.  Anyway, minsan kasi some moms don't know how to write these kinds of letters. Well, eto yung letter ko baka makatulong sa mga mommies as a template. Kasi the school acted upon it right away and helped both parties involved - so successful eto for me.

I printed 2 copies each for the School Bus Owner, Adviser, Level Coordinator.  Asked them to sign and leave me a copy.


Date
 
 
Dear ____,
 
 
I would like to personally report to you an incident concerning my son/daughter, ______ and another boy/girl named, _______ which happened on [date] at around [time].
 
My son, _____ went home today with a bruise on his lower lip.  He said that ______ kicked him which caused a big bruise on his lip.  As per my son's retelling of the incident, he said ____________ .  __________ was threatening my son that if my son doesn't do anything or fight him back.... My son did not want to fight and told him "no". _______ did not listen and started to approach my son and as my son protected himself, ________ kicked him on the lip and caused a swollen bruise.
 
I am very much alarmed with this incident and I do not want this to happen again especially, to my son.  This letter is with warning as well that should my child suddenly hurt _______ in whatever manner in protection of himself when this ______ starts to bully or threaten my son again, I cannot do anything as I have already reported an incident about _________ behavior.
 
I am hoping that this matter be handled and cleared as I am deeply concerned about any incident that would cause harm to my child when I entrust his safety whether in school or in the school bus.
 
 
Thank you.
 
 
Sincerely,
 
_____
 
cc:
Adviser Name, Adviser (Section)
Level Coordinator Name, Position
Principal Name, Position

[inkslinger]

^^ Although I agree that some bullies have attention problems or come from a family with a not so harmonious family set ups, it is not always the case. Minsan, mas malalim pa ang dahilan at kaaawaan mo rin ang bully.

I understand both sides of the fence, the bully and the the being bullied because I've been there.

The being bullied was experienced by my daughter and the being the bully, we experienced it with our adopted brother. I'll just tell the story of the latter, the bully.

My mom hadn't experienced any social related incidents with us, her own children. But with our adopted, it was a different case. Sya ang pinaka-bunso namin.

It started during preschool years. May susugod sa bahay namin, nagagalit na nanay, bakit daw itinulak ang anak nya at yan tuloy punung-puno ng ice cream ang mukha at damit. Bakit di daw kami marunong magdisiplina, at kung ano ano pa. My mom knows how to discipline children, if not, hindi kami lalaking matitino at nakatapos ng pag-aaral. Kaya masakit sa kanya ng mapagsabihan ng ganuon. Being a peace loving person, hindi sya nakipag-away, said sorry for what our brother did and promised that she'd be stricter with him.

May ibang magulang naman na yung bata mismo ang pagagalitan dahil nagkabukol ang anak nilang lalaki. If we would ask our brother, sasabihin nya na nagaway silang dalawa. Meron din syang bukol dahil sa away. Pero sya lang ang sinisisi. Dinala pa ito sa Barangay ng nanay. 5 years old lang pareho ang bata.

Nangaaway sya dahil tinutukso syang negro, ampon, walang kamukha sa amin. Hindi pa nya nuon naiintindihan ang concept ng ampon pero nasasaktan sya na tinutukso syang kakaiba  sa amin at pangit. Kung tinutukso daw ang kapatid ko, hindi naman dapat daw manakit at makipagaway, sabi ng nanay. Ang punto dito, kailangan bang makarating pa sa Barangay ang kaso ng dalawang 5 taon na bata?

So you see, the bully here, my brother, is also bullied upon. Kung marunong lang magtimpi ang mga magulang and not fight the battles of their own children, sana maiintindihan nila where our brother was coming from, and understand too that their child had their own share of faults, too.

Then come elementary school days, nirereklamo naman sya na malikot, di maka-focus sa lessons, nagdi-disrupt ng klase. By this time, pinatingin na namin sya sa Dev Ped. It turned out, our brother is a special child. He has learning disability. His cognitive level is 5 years below the norm. Hindi sya halata, sabi ng Dev Ped, especially during the preschool years since lessons during these years are still easier to learn. Nakita na lang nuong nag elementary siya, when he couldn't catch with the lessons anymore.

Thus, we understood the reason behind sa biglang reaction nya kapag tinutukso, of being physical when he felt he was wronged or when he misunderstood people. Hindi pala nya minsan naiintindihan na yung reaction nya ay nakakasakit.

Now, he's 21 and the therapies helped him. He's now 1st year in college taking up culinary arts. Tapos na yung bully days nya kasi naturuan na sya how to handle his emotions. Di namin akalain na makaka-college pa sya

What I'm trying to say here is that the parents of the aggrieved child should be understanding enough and take actions that will help not just their own child but the other child, too. Kung paguusapan ang problema, pwedeng makita ng mismong anak nila how to handle grievances in a positive way at yung isang bata naman, malaman nya ang mali nya at makita rin ng magulang nya kung saan ang problema ng kanilang anak.

However, if you see that the parents of the bully don't have an open mind (at ipilit na wala silang mali), wala na tayong magagawa duon. Ang mahalaga, as the offended party, we try to settle things in civil manner and if they take it instead against you, kailangan na turuan din ang mga anak natin na lumayo sa mga bully na ito and other ways how to defend himself in a bullying situation.

[ichelie]

^ agree with you sis.

happy to hear that your brother was able to go through a lot.  2 sources of concerns are his learning difficulty and another is the adoption issue.  the 2nd is more complex and cannot be easily discussed.

for both the bully and the bullied, the key is one:  Develop the child's self-esteem! 

[iceebaby]

Good to hear naman that your brother is doing well.  Totoo yung sabi mo sis inkslinger that most bullies have issues that even came in even during utero.  Dapat din maisip na the more maging critical towards them, the more they realize that the world doesn't like them and they retaliate even more.

Although, I have a heart for adopted kids and somehow I get to like this words being said to an adopted child I know of said by her foster mom "Anak, oo hindi ka galing sakin pero special ka sa lahat ng kapatid mo dahil ikaw, pinili kita upang maging anak ko."

Tho, being bullied or not... may mga repurcussions sila and will affect their lives.  The bully will leave hurt marks to people and even a tendency to hurt him/herself in the future.  The one being bullied is also affected presently and minsan they also tend to either have very low self-esteem, commit suicide or worse shockingly hurt the offenders.

IMHO, bullying should really stop even at the onset.

Bullying is a serious issue.  The stories you hear about kids who were bullied a lot - sila yung sumasabog and in the US (meron din dito), incidents of kids shooting/strangling their schoolmates because hindi na nila ma-take yung pag bully is so rampant. Just recently, I heard of a kid in a local public school dito na sinakal niya yung classmate niya because binubully siya palagi.

Just some links about how serious bullying is:
http://aboutmyrecovery.com/bullying-in-philippine-schools/
http://www.wsbtv.com/news/19233010/detail.html - School Bullying Led To 11-Year-Old's Suicide
http://www.newser.com/story/102484/at-ohio-school-4-bullied-teens-lost-to-suicide.html - 4 Bullied Teens Lost to Suicide

The Colombine Massacre that happened were all because those kids (all bright,gifted kids) were bullied and they just attacked and shoot their bullies (and teacher) in school.

"Bullying as a rationale
The link between bullying and school violence has attracted increasing attention since the 1999 rampage at Colorado's Columbine High School. Both of the shooters were classified as gifted children and had been victims of bullying for years. A year later, an analysis by officials at the US Secret Service of 37 premeditated school shootings found that bullying, which some of the shooters described "in terms that approached torment," played the major role in more than two-thirds of the attacks.[34] A similar theory was expounded by Brooks Brown in his book on the massacre; he noted that teachers commonly looked the other way when confronted with bullying.[21]"

So sad talaga...

[pinkpotato]

Dapat talaga, isang bully pa lang... gerahin na ang mga batang bully na mga iyan or even yung magulang.  Wala silang right to do that.

Anyway, meron talaga akong mga mommy friends na mas worse diyan.  Talagangang pagkasabi pa nila sa nangbully "The next time you do that to my son, do you know what I am going to do to you?  After school, I will grab you and put you in a sack and kill you."  It's real! Pero, after that daw... yung bully kinakaibigan na niya yung anak nung friend ko.  Hay, matindi din ang ibang mommies than what I've actually done.

natakot naman ako dito sis icee. hehe pero i think i know where these mommies are coming from. kahit never ko na experience yan, thank God for that, pero ito yung mga nakikita mo sa movies esp sa mga american films, matindi silang mam-bully and parang wala din ginagawa ang parents nila noh? parang kasama na sa kultura nila.

my husband shared to me na dati daw binubully sya. especially sa school bus. he is studying in an all-boys-school in QC at new daw sya sa school bus. sinasabihan daw sya ng mga bigger boys, "Hoy, bat mukhang rabbit ka?" LOL. kasi protrude nga teeth nya. kawawa. pero di naman daw sya naapektuhan masyado, di nya pinatulan at lalong di nya sinumbong sa mommy nya. PERO nung time to shine nya na, sya naman daw nambully. mas worst pa daw ginagawa niya.

I have a child and we are living in a foreign country so may possibility na maexperience nya to although i pray na wag naman sana. pero i don't think i will attack the bully kung magkaganun. i won't threathen him or her. i think i can resolve it in a diplomatic way. talk to the child, talk to the school admin and talk to the parents. give an ultimatum na dapat IT WONT happen again.

if it happens again... I dono. ill cross the bridge when i get there. LOL. arte.

[iceebaby]

Hay sis... iba talaga ang feeling pag nakita mona yung anak mo umuwi sa iyo and may dugo ang lips.

Siguro, in my case... I did everything possible. Buti sana kung 18 years old na anak ko...but, pre-school pa lang. Altho, because of that... they actually became good friends.

[sarahsensible]

ika nga nila, dibale na yung anak ko ang bully, kesa sya ang nabubully..

Kidding aside, wala pa naman nambubully sa kambal ko pero nag backread na rin ako baka sakaling mangyari. Ako pa naman ang hatid sundo sa school so nakikilala ko ang mga classmates nila.
If this happens hindi ko alam paano ako mag rereact, yun nga lang nabungo ng isang bata anak ko tapos umiyak ng bongga anak ko, pinagsabihan ko yung bata at yung yaya eh   

[stormy]

Share ko lang na d ko na naman binigay yung letter sa teacher.

Naisip ko kasi na magpaka-objective na nanay. Mukhang maldita kasi talaga yung bata, d lang anak ko ang pinapakitaan nya ng ganung ugali. Napansin din kasi sya nung friend ko/ninang ng anak ko nung minsan sya ang pinasundo ko sa gate ng school at wala ako mapag-parkingan. Dinescribe nya yun bata at sakto dun sa bata na nanghataw sa anak ko.

Kahit pa siguro nanay ako, ayaw ko rin magpaka-gaspang ng ugali kasi d naman mako-correct ang bullying sa pambu-bully ko.

I'm hoping na nakapag-adjust na anak ko, at nakapag adjust na rin yung classmate nya na talagang may "new students" kasi prep pa lang sila dun na rin kasi yun classmate nya last year nag-school kaya somehow baka feeling superior nung first few weeks.


Best for me ang intindihin yung sitwasyon para alam ko kailan ako pwedeng umeksena sa "laban" ng anak ko sa buhay. In short, I will let her fight her own battles muna. Its one way of learning rin naman.


opinion ko lang naman ito. Kanya-kanya naman tayo ng anak, so kanya-kanyang diskarte

[zaza]

nangyari na sakin sa anak ko yan, mahilig manakit, agawin at angkinin ang mga gamit nya, nagsumbong sakin, sabi ko sumbong mo sa teacher, meron namang ginagawa ang teacher kaso pag wala sya, dun na inaasar ang anak ko, tapos tinuruan ko ng pang-asar, ginawa naman nya pero wa effect, sabi ko pupunta ako dun kung nasaktan sya ulit nung bata, so nagsumbong na tinulak daw sya sa dibdib, kinabukasan, pinuntahan ko, pinag-usap ko ang dalawang bata sa harap ng guro nila at tinanong kung bakit me nangyaring ganito, sorry naman ng sorry ang bata at ang guro takot sakin kasi daw baka daw banatan ko daw ang bata, sabi ko hindi ko magagawa yun kasi syempre magagalit naman ang parents nung bata, kaya ayun ok na, ang sa akin lang, hayaan ko muna ang anak ko kung anong diskarte ang gagawin nya, tapos pag sumobra na, saka ko i-call attentiong ng mga faculty staff dun sa school nila, so far ok pa naman ang anak ko.

Nung nasa prep school pa sya, one time, biglang tumawag ang teacher sakin at nakasuntok daw ang anak ko, mas malaki pa sa kanya, tapos umiyak naman ang bata, so tinanong ko anak ko kung bakit nya ginawa yun, sabi nya kasi naiinis daw sya at tinawag siyang bakla, deep inside natuwa ako kasi kaya na nyang ipagtanggol ang sarili nya pero di mo pwedeng ipakita kasi baka maulit yun, manuntok sya sa simpleng bagay lang.

[sarahsensible]

Sabi ng tita ko, it pays na i-prepare ang mga anak mo sa ganitong bagay. Part daw ng self-defense. Yung mga parts ng katawan na dapat hindi ipahawak. Pag may bagay na hindi sila agree, kailangan  i-assert or sabihin sa teacher.

[j a n i z]

this morning, asa news n grade 5 student was killed by his/her classmate s mismong classroom nila. s baguio to. sinakal sya saka tinulak. namatay yun bata sa sakal.

tsk tsk.

[sarahsensible]

Mukhang mag eenroll na sa Krav Maga twins ko ah Tsk tsk

[iceebaby]

sis sarahsensible - gusto ko yan! haha! lol, baka pwedeng maki join na din ang anak ko jan. haha!

omg,sis janiz.  Di na ata dapat umabot sa ganun kung naagapan ng magulang yung mga anak.  Imposibleng, hindi maalamngmagulang na walang nangyayari sa anak nila kung umabot na sa ganyan.  I believe kasi in mother's instict, kahit sabihin pang hindi naman nagsasabi ang anak.

Dun naman sa panganay ko, dahil sa major letter ko sa school, usap sa school bus and the parents nung kid and the kid himself... sobrang naging OKAY talaga!  Umayos na ang bata and nasabihan ng parents.  Sabi ng anak ko, he felt bad about it.  Kaya ngayon, the boy is as per my son "not so naughty" anymore.

Kailangan talaga esp younger kids, parents/school should always be on top of the situation.  After all, minor de edad yan at sa puder pa natin sila to protect them.

[lilsaintsm0m]

I'll share my story mga sis.
My sons teacher told me that my son kept on fighting with the other classmate in school. She said to me that nagrereklamo na daw ang parents ng bata. At times daw tinatabi na niya ang kid na ito sa tabi nya para tigilan ng anak ko. Teacher is aware na both students are madaldal. I told her na THAT kid has been hitting my son since the beginning of the year. It took only these couple of days na natuto ang anak kong makipagasaran sa kanila dahil "new student" ang anak ko. I'm a hands-on mom and I stay with him at school even at home. My husband and i are shocked na nagawa pang magreklamo ng mga magulang na nasabing bata na ito. I know my son malakas mangasar but he never hits anyone. Even at my sons birthday my husband and his family saw this kid elbowed my sons chest and hindi sila nagbigay ng kahit na anong negative comment sa bata. As we both agreed on KIDS are rowdy especially boys. I couldn't even remember how many times my son told me na his classmate pounded on his head. I tell him that  that what his classmate did was bad and go tell him not to do it anymore, Every school day present ako sa school I saw how this kid elbowing other kids chest and punching their arm. Then last saturday I was frantically shocked to hear my son said "Mommy, sabi ni ___ sabi ng mommy niya pag inaway ko siya suntukin daw niya ako" Is that A PROPER THING TO SAY BEING A MOTHER??Tapos ngayon icoconfront ako ng teacher ang lumalabas pa kontrabida anak ko. Hold on, kailangan pa atang may magreklamong magulang para maitama ang mali? Kung reklamo lang ang dami kong ililista. But my point is they're just kids. I don't know why this teacher allowed the parents to think that way towards my son well in fact she knows by herself that this kid HURTS my son.
Kailangan ko rin atang ireklamo lahat . I'm going to talk to the school directress tom.

Moms tell me your opinion on this,, TIA

[stormy]

^i guess yun paghandle ni teacher may kulang. Better siguro nga magkaliwanagan para walang sakitan na mas malala pa sis. Sakto yun post mo sis kasi mommy na ang problema ko.

Nung teacher-parents conference sa bandang huli nung session nagtanong yun teacher kung may concern kami kaya dito na sinabi ng husband ko yun sa bully na naishare ko previously.

Hindi na gaano specific kwento ng mister ko kasi d naman gusto na maipicture as negative yung bata. Early october ito nangyari.

Kaninang umaga ayaw pumasok ng anak ko, nai-ym ko pa sa isang gt sis kasi natatawa ako sa antics ng anak ko. Ngayon gabi nalaman ko rason bakit ayaw pumasok ng anak ko kasi nagpaplano na naman na wag pumasok bukas, holiday daw kasi umuulan. Ito yun sabi nya sa akin "_____'s mommy said do not be friends with (my daughter)"

Medyo na-off naman ako, ang maldita na nga ng anak dinagdagan pa ng ina kaya ayaw ko makihalo kasi iba kapag ang bata e maiconfront ng adult lalo na parents ng kaklase. 

Naiisip ko baka naimention ng teacher sa mommy na ito yun concern namin kaso imbes yun anak nya ang pagsabihan e ganito nangyari.


Nun teacher-parent conference, may "nireklamo" rin naman na ugali sa anak ko. Matampuhin raw kaya kahit may specific names ng classmates na naimention e d sumama loob ko. Yun anak ko binigyan ko ng mga situations na hindi sya ang pwedeng laging mauuna, or mapapansin or matatawag. Para maintindihan nya at makapag-adjust.


Gusto ko pa tanungin anak ko regarding dito kaso baka naman pag gawin ko yun e mas tumatak pa sa kanya.


Prep pa lang sumasakit na ulo ko kasi sa totoo lang d naman maiiwasan na sa ibat ibang klaseng pamilya manggagaling ang mga istudyante kaya hati ako if palagpasin na lang or kausapin ang teacher.