bullying in school

[cocoysmom]

has any of your children experienced bullying in school?
how did the school/teacher handle it?
as parents, how did you handle it?

i will head to the school later to investigate (hehe) what's happening between my son and his bigger classmate...i want my facts straight first before i rant in GT. sisters, kindly share your experiences...thanks in advance!

[longing]

Sorry mga sis, medyo mahaba ang post. Rant na din ito.

As per my daughter's teacher hindi daw ito bullying:
> my daughter went home with a bruise near her eyes during circle time. My mom who stays with my then 3 year old daughter was not informed after class.  She saw it na when they went home, came back to school and asked the teacher what happened, doon na lang sinabi na accident daw. She sent me an SMS and called me later that day to inform me.

> my daughter went home in another instance sira ang stockings. as per my daughter kinurot siya ng classmate nya. Again, my mom was not informed of what happened, nalaman na lang niya after class galing sa ibang classmates and confirmed by another lola when she asked her apo na Kinder na. I did not receive any message from the teacher.

> this is the ultimate... my daughter cried during one of the activities in school, dinig hanggang labas.  My mom asked what happened siyempre kilala niya iyak ng apo niya, ang sabi ng teacher aide, nadapa lang. Fine, accidents do happen naman sa school during playtime.  When they got home, she saw bruises to both knee and elbow ng daughter ko with betadine. They let it pass thinking na she was taken good care naman.  However, come late afternoon, nag manifest na ang pasa sa baba, alarmed, my sister called me so I tried to get in touch with her teacher but to no avail.  As a mom, kulang na lang liparin ko ang Ortigas to our place para makauwi to check on my daughter.  After four hours, sumagot naman ang teacher saying na they will check on it.

Of course, hindi ko siya kayang palagpasin so I had my daughter checked sa hospital.  Armed with the medical certificate, we went to school the next morning.  As per the teacher who is by the way the owner of the school/directress, said that it's the first time they had a student na medyo grabe ang effect ng "play accident"  I was meaning to pull-out my child from school after few days of rest, pero sinundo nila the same day and encouraged to come back to school so she finished the school year na din. BTW, she was pushed by a bigger classmate during playtime.  If those instances were not bullying per se, kawawa lang ang daughter ko to experience several accidents while in school.

As much as I want to be level headed in the situation, I can't and I think I lost my composure a bit.  All I'm pointing to the school/teacher is that they should have SOPs for "accidents" like that.  An information ahead of time to the parents will be much appreciated.  What if hindi nag manifest ang pasa? Hindi na nila kami iinform? What if nag blood clot na pala? Ano ang habol ng parents sa school? My lawyer friends were willing to assist me in filing a case, pero I did not pursue na, kasi I know it will be such a waste of time.

This SY, we transferred to a traditional school and so far, my child is happier saying walang nananakit na classmate.

   

[iceebaby]

If there is one thing that ails every parent, yan yung pag may umapi sa anak natin and worse... nasugatan pa.

My son had an incident in the school bus (nagtulakan then kinagat ng isang kid yung anak ko). Ayaw kasi ng anak ko ng rough play. But, since pinilit ng other kid, kaya nagkasakitan. My son was in preschool then. I was fuming mad, seeing na may sugat sa mukha yung anak ko. So, I wrote a written letter addressed to the School Bus operator, School Adviser and School Principal.

I really admired what the advised did. I can see that she was very alarmed and even told me that it is also the school's responsibility kahit sa school bus since the school bus operator must adhere to the strict guidelines of the safety of the students to and from the school. They took action right away and reported the incident. The adviser called the mom of the kid and it also affected his conduct grade.

After the incident, the kid and myson were separated from the seating of the school bus because inaway ko ang conductor at sinabihan ko na "kapag umuwi ng may sugat ulit ang anak ko sa school bus na siya ang nagbabantay. Sisisguraduhin kong mawawalan siya ng trabaho dahil hindi niya inaayos ang trabaho niya." (Sorry, I was really mad that time and I didn't care).

Nice naman, that the kid and my son are close friends now and looks after each other pa.

Maybe, what made me more "kampante" is that the school where my son is enrolled is very strict in terms of BULLYING. A week ago, a classmate of my son intentionally pulled the chair off my son so he fell on the floor. The kid was laughing at my son and the other kids saw it.

Since I pick up my kids from school, the teacher talked with me and said in this manner "Mrs ____, I just want to apologize because a classmate of [my son] intentionally pulled his chair so he fell on the floor. I just want to assure you, ma'am that I am personally going to report the incident because we don't allow such behavior. I just want to assure you, ma'am that we brought your son to the clinic right away and put Ice on his leg. I am really sorry, ma'am I should have been more careful in looking after them. But, I will make sure that this will be recorded and the other classmate's parents will be called in. I will give you a written report, ma'am and will make sure [my son's name] and the other boy will seat far from each other."

With this, I was already relieved. I asked my son, how he is. He said, he was not really hurt but he just doesn't like what the other kid did. So, I didn't bother anymore. No incident happened anymore, so I did not reacted much na.

I think, we as parents should react if the school ignores our sentiments that our kids are hurt. If the issue was not addressed, then I don't think it isn't wrong to react and elaborate on the incident. Just so, the school knows that we are very very concerned and we are keeping an eye on our children so they should address the issue and not just ignore it. The worst that a teacher/school should say is "Wala naman po" or "Normal play lang po yun".

What I learned when looking for a school is to ask the school before I enrol them:

1) What is the method of teaching (eclectic, DAP, traditional)
2) What is the teaching experience of the teacher (school she graduated)?
3) Usual, Payment terms (Tuition Fees)
4) IMPORTANT: WHAT/HOW do you handle bullies? They should give a situation.

THere is a DEPed ruling already in place re BULLYING. So, if the school fails to adhere to this, you can bring them to court: http://thepoc.net/commentaries/16250-deped-policy-to-protect-children-from-bullying.html

[cocoysmom]

thanks sisters for sharing...

i talked with my son's teacher na and she told me, "may habit kasi yung bata na yan magtulak or maghablot kapag naiinis sya. actually po, hindi lang yung anak nyo ang ginaganyan nya, kahit kanina yung isang classmate nainis sya, medyo tinulak nya din."

i was like...

so she continued, "mas tututukan ko na lang po at paglalayuin sila."

today i want to go back and ask her (again) what she does when it happens? i feel kasi baka it's not enough to just separate them? baka kasi later hindi na lang pushing whoever he disagrees with right? it might escalate into punching na. i used to be so comfortable sending my son to school, now i had apprehensions na. 

[marose17]

^ Perhaps, you can ask the school owner to clarify what is the school's policy on incidents like this.  There are kids who are very rough per se and hindi ko naman agad agad na ma-judge as bullies especially if they are so young.  In the school of my sons, the teachers train the children to have discipline of mind and body.  Control of the body includes training the children to be careful in moving around the classroom and being mindful of their classmates.  I believe tinuturo sa kanila ang pag-respect sa personal space ng bawat isa.  Of course hindi maiiwasan ang rough play sometimes but the teacher should take steps immediately to address the situation and talk calmly to the students.  The parents should always be informed que walang nasugatan or meron pa iyan.

As a parent lang siguro tama naman mag-react kapag may ganitong incident pero huwag naman to the extent na mang-aaway ng teacher or mang-threaten ng ibang tao.  If we do that, aren't we being bullies ourselves?  Being rational and calm and not letting my emotions overtake is my way siguro in this type of situation.

[cocoysmom]

^i agree sis with being rational and calm, kaya nga eto, pang-apat na incident na and i'm still trying the diplomatic way of coursing my concerns thru his teacher.

actually, all incidents hindi sila playing sis, itong huli, my son said he just passed by the boy and the boy pushed him. hindi din naman siguro clumsiness sis, kasi sadya yung mga panunulak at pananakit na nangyari, even the teacher told me na pag nagagalit yung kid na yun, mabilis ang kamay nya manakit.

my kid is 5 yrs old and his classmates are around that age too, not too young like kung 2-3 yrs old i would not put much into it kasi usually accidents lang talaga kapag ganung age.

[marose17]

^ If that is the case, I would suggest that you write a formal letter to the school and require from them a specific course of action to handle this situation.  I would also write the parents of the boy concerned.  Hindi parang accusatory ang letter.  Ang tenor is as a concerned parent lang, which you are.  I would do this only because the school has not taken steps to address the situation, steps which are positive and will provide concrete and lasting results  (hindi yung next time, ilalayo namin si Kid X from your child or other stop-gap measures).  At saka since habitual offender pala the other kid, it is shocking that the school seems so lax about it.  That is objectionable.

You know, not naman to compare ha or to add salt to injury, in my sons' school nga mixed ages sila sa isang class (3-6 years old), they go to a Montessori preschool kasi where the norm is to group kids of 3 grade levels in a class.  One would naturally expect  the older kids to bully or boss around the younger ones, but you know what?  The older kids seem protective of the younger ones pa nga, para talagang feel nila na kuya or ate sila.  They even mentor the younger kids.   How did this happen?  Partly because of the Montessori environment (no kid is bored because there are plenty of materials to occupy his attention and when a kid works on a material, he is usually completely absorbed in his work) and partly also because of the teachings of the teachers (the kids have Grace and Courtesy lessons and respect for others is really given importance from day 1).  If ever may nagkasakitan man (my son was involved in this when I think he bit his older classmate, not really biting to hurt but because of gigil yata), mabilis ang response ng teacher - I got a call from the teacher right after class and she told me about the incident matter-of-factly, walang "judgment".  Since the bigger boy did not cry and just told the teacher at saka hindi naman madiin talaga yung bite kasi nga walang intention to hurt, the teacher just calmly spoke to my son and the bigger boy immediately after the incident.  I wanted to call the mom of the bigger boy nga to apologize but the teacher said that the bigger boy understood naman that my son did not intend to hurt him and promised not to do it again. In fact, they worked together on a material afterwards.   All's well that ends well.  Fortunately, there was no repeat of such biting.  I also spoke to my son siempre and I even read to him a story about not biting/hitting and hurting others. 

By the way, my son was 3 that time and the other boy was 5.

Bottom line dito sa case ng son ko, the teacher was aware, did something positive right away and informed me about it (I am not aware if the other boy's mom was informed though). 

[iceebaby]

^^Siguro mas maganda if everything is in writing para documented. The school takes it seriously when everything is documented.

Tama ka sis, 4x na nangyari is medyo hindi na magandang ugali yun. Pushing when your son pass by is already bullying . Okay lang if nag lalaro and nagkasakitan, but that is different.

If maapektuhan ang anak mo and tell you na he doesn't want to go to school (or hide the fact that he doesn't like school) because of it, will that be alright with you?

[stormy]

@cocoysmom, hi sis. I agree with marose sa mga input nya regarding this matter. Mahinahon at madiplomasya naman ang pagtanggap mo sa sitwasyon, tama rin yun reaksyon at aksyon mo sis. Nung nag-usap kayo ng teacher wala ba man lang form na pinapirmahan sa iyo para may record na pinag-usapan nyo ang tungkol dito?

Last year may kaklase ang anak ko na binubully sya (tall for her age kasi ang anak ko tapos playful pa kasi 5yo pa lang while classmates nya ay 6yo going 7 ayun nga lang sabi nga ni marose hindi rason ito para maging bully ang older kids if nasa tama ang guidance sa bata) sa una pa lang gusto ko na sumulat sa teacher pero naisip ko period of adjustment siguro or dahil sa mga bata pa sila kaya ganun.

Nagpa-set lang ako ng meeting sa adviser nun pinalo na anak ko sa braso. Actually, d nagsumbong anak ko. Mautak kasi yun isang bata, nag-sorry sya nun nakita nya na pabalik na yung teacher kaya anak ko ok na kasi nagsorry na e.

May nakakita lang na classmate kaya ko nalaman.

Panahon ito nung ramgen revilla case kaya lalo ako naparanoid kasi nung panahon na yun naisip ko na hindi na rin angkop na isipin na kumut bata e inosente.

Anyway, naging maganda ang meeting namin nung adviser. Humingi sya ng paumanhin na nangyari yun sa anak ko ng d nya alam (paano nga hinintay nun bata na maghatid saglit ang adviser sa katabing gate sa isang set of students tsaka sya namalo) sinabi rin nya na may hindi nga yata kagandahang ugali yung batang iyon, na may ibang classmates na rin ang nagrereklamo na itulak sila kasi gusto mauna sa pila atbp. May form na inilagay ano napag usapan namin. Kakausapin rin nya ang parents nung bata regarding sa issue. Pero ako ang nagsabi na d ko na kailangan kausapin yung mommy ng bata kasi naniniwala ako na dapat yung school ang maghandle nung sitwasyon.

Naging ok naman na yung batang yun. May sinabi pa rin sya na d maganda nung xmas party nila pero d ko na pinansin. Kaya naman ng ihandle ng anak ko yun. Wag lang yung sadyang sasaktan anak ko kasi ibang usapan na yun.

Nasaktan anak mo sis kaya mas mainam kung konkretong aksyon ang gagawin ng school sa sitwasyon na yan.

Kahit ako parehas ang tingin sa sinabi ni marose na wag tayo magthreaten  or mang-away lalo na dun sa batang involved kasi bukod sa mali yun e tayo mismo nambubully na rin.

Kung may epekto na negatibo sa anak mo sis (anak ko naging pala-away ng ilang weeks nun kailangan tyagain ko na pagpaliwanagan ano ang tama at ano ang d dapat ginagaya kahit ginagawa ng iba) wag sana tumaas ang emosyon mo kahit mahirap gawin. Mahirap suklian ng negatibo ang isang negatibong ugali.

[cocoysmom]

thanks again sis sa mga inputs nyo...

i am really trying to be objective about this issue. ako na nga ang pinapagalitan ng mother ko kasi bakit daw wala akong ginagawa? puro daw kausap sa teacher eh wala naman daw nangyayari, ganun pa din behavior nung classmate ng apo nya! hay naku, you know how lolas are...lalo't isang apo pa lang itong anak ko. on my part naman kasi, ayokong palakihin kung hindi naman talaga kailangan. for me nga, since wala naman negative effect sa anak ko (so far) gusto ko lang i-alert man lang nila sana yung parents na ganun ang behavior ng anak nila sa school ay ok na sa akin. kasi kung anak ko yung bully, aba gusto ko din ma-correct ko ang behavior agad at wag na kalakhan. i will ask about that maybe tomorrow, hindi kaya marindi na si adviser sa akin? 

yun lang kasi ang sabi nya sa akin, na paghihiwalayin at ilalayo na lang niya lalo yung bata sa anak ko. they are only 9 in their class eh, odds are may time na magkakatabi yan dba? so ewan...gusto ko nga mag-ask kung pwede akong sit in para ma-observe ko ano ba talaga nangyayari...what induces that kind of behavior on the kid? my friends are calling me weird na nga kasi concerned pa daw ako bakit ganun ugali nung bata, as if i'm justifying his actions pa. hay buhay...

[Lynxette]

Elementary was the worst time for me, more specifically, Grade IV. I was sensitive about my name, they kept calling me lola because my name starts with Maria. It seems so silly now pero noon talagang sineseryoso ko.

The guidance counselor was no help and so were my teachers. My family didn't understand the concept of bullying then. All the warning signs were there! I was even actively seeking for help!

Couldn't they see my grades are being affected? I was a smart girl, mabait naman and always followed the school rules. Don't they find it strange that somebody who loves Science class is refusing to participate at all? The Science teacher was an idiotic bully too. She kept forcing me to participate, she thinks I was being maarte. Hinihila pa nga ako para tumayo. Kala nya makukuha nya cooperation ko para lang maiwasan kong mapahiya ako? I was already miserable. My reputation was the least of my worries! Porket ba I study in a exclusive private school ay maarte na ako?!

Helloooo?! I was crying in class! Visible to all my classmates. All my teachers can see my red face! If a student cries everyday of the school week, something is seriously wrong! There may have been teachers who were concerned but didn't know how to address it so they kept quiet. It's a good thing I wasn't suicidal!

I'm the type of girl who is extremely loyal to friends and family. Unfortunately, my first attempt at friendship ended in betrayal All these experiences has colored my judgment of people. I still try to believe the best in people but I also have a cynical side to me. Never again did I try to have bestfriends. Somewhat friends and acquaintances meron. I'm the type that can be easily taken advantage of kasi (madaling mauto) so I build defense mechanisms to protect myself.

If you have kids and you see their school performance slipping or kung lumapit at nag-susumbong na inaaway or pinipintasan sila, take the time to actually listen. Usually, normal drama lang in a kid's life. They'll reconcile and be friends again. Pero sometimes, they are really asking for help even if they don't know it. Don't tell them to grin and bear it. There's only so much a person (child or adult) can take before they snap.

Here's a sample of an actual conversation I had with my family during that time. Does this sound familiar?
Me: "Mom (Dad, Ate, Kuya), tinatawag ako na lola at school. How do I make them stop?"
Their Answer: "Makipag-biruan ka sa kanila. Titigil din ang mga yan."

They didn't stop. By the end of the school year, the damage was already etched deep into my psyche. I never recovered My grades never recovered. I was never the same straight A student I was before. I rebelled in my own way up to college. I'm still rebelling even now. I was supposed to take the CPA exam, pass it and earn lots of money and have a stable job. In reality, I'm a freelance bookkeeper pursuing her own way of getting rich and personal satisfaction. Nobody's going to be the boss of me 

Sorry for the rant sisters I needed to get that off my chest

[Lynxette]

@chinita take them to court / DepEd if they keep ignoring you. May copies ka naman ng complaints mo di ba?

[SnowBall]

Paano mga sis, kung may magulang na nag reklamo sa anak mo, kasi ayaw daw i-friend ang anak niya?


My daughter kasi, ayaw niya sa mga magugulo talaga, so may friend siya dati na super magulo at maingay sa klase, so ang siste, nilayuan siya ng anak ko, at ayaw na siyang samahan, kinausap ako ngayon nung lola nung bata, bakit daw ayaw ng i-friend ng anak ko yung apo niya...

What to do in that situation? Ang nasabi ko na lang kasi dun sa lola, kakausapin ko po yung anak ko, hindi ko naman malaman kung paano ko kakausapin, since maganda naman reason kung bakit ayaw ng anak ko sa apo niya?

[Lynxette]

Mahirap i-explain ang preference in friends ng anak mo to someone who might not understand or take it the wrong way.

Tell the lola na lang siguro na di mapipilit ang anak mo kung ayaw nya sa apo nya. You can make up an excuse na mag-kaiba ang interests nila?

*shrug*

[byutijunkie]

My son who studies in an all boys school has been complaining about some of his classmates.hindi ko masyadong pinapansin kasi i wanted him to learn how to stand up for himself.i even told him to inform his teachers kapag kinukulit siya ng classmates nya.two days ago though his yaya said nawawala ang math book nya.i told him to tell his teacher about it.the next day wala pa rin yung book so i asked my yaya to go to school and ask baka nasa lost and found lang or natago ng teacher.it turns out, my son's book was hidden by a classmate.i called his adviser pero pinasa ako sa math teacher kasi daw,math time daw nangyari.the math teacher told me na pinagsabihan na nya yung kid na nagtago and recommended na paghiwalayin ng seats sila ng son ko.the thing is,para saken it's not enough kasi nga 2 days na walang book yung son ko.tapos may test pa at di makapag-aral.also my son said he's being kicked and pushed din by his other classmate.i'm getting frustrated kasi i also noticed that his demeanor has changed eversince he started in this school.minsan nagkaka nightmares pa yung son ko eh.i really want something to be done about this pero i get the feeling that the class adviser doesn't want to address this eh.parang umiiwas.sa sat is card day and there's this chance na makausap ko yung parents nung mga nambubully sa anak ko,what do you guys suggest i do?

[k_heart]

^sis,kung ako, i will talk first to the class adviser pero bibigyan ko sya ng timeline,say 1 week halimbawa. pag wala pa dung nangyari, tell the adviser that you will elevate the matter sa principal. kasi for me, bullying is a serious matter. let the teacher handle it first before talking to the parents or if you want to talk to the parents,make sure na nandun din yung class adviser.

[SnowBall]

^ tama sis, kasi diba may announcement ang DEPED na dapat seryosohin ang bullying, at alam ko pwede mo idemanda ang isang school
kung may bullying pero wala silang ginawang action.


@Lynxette, thank you sis sa reply