Getting married? In a Relationship? - The 80/20 rule

[kawen]

Girls share ko lang sa inyo. This is so true. Please read.

Getting married? In a Relationship? - The 80/20 Rule

Interesting quote from the movie 'Why did I get married?'

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship. But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT. But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had. Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life. 
                                                                     
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

'Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. But it's not her Wynona Rider features that got me. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that my spouse is not'.                                                                               
                                                         
Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did. 
                                                                     
Because no wife or husband is perfect. Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%. Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.
                                                           
You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says: 'I broke my arm yesterday, LOL...’
                                                                     
Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.                             
                                                                     
But wait! That's only 20% of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!                     
                                                                     
That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other.  The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.               
                                                                     
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.

But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have. But I'm not just talking about marriage.                             
                                                                     
I'm talking about life! 

About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.
                                                                                                                     
Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing?

'They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain! Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!'                                                   
                                                                     
I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip! Don't live your life like that. Forget about what the world says is first class. Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class -- because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet? 
                                                                     
The main message???  If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are, you are first class!                                                 

Have a pleasant day.

[pilyaz]

ang ganda... nakaka relate ako. now, i'll try to be thankful for having a boring but faithful bf. LOL! :-)

[kawen]

Wow.. that's good sis, thanks for sharing!

I also like to share my experience. The situation happened to me a couple of times in my (past) relationships. I admit I wasn't contented of what I have, I always end up getting the 20% but in the end I regret leaving my bf who has the 80%.. it's really tricky especially when time comes aabot na sa pagsasawaan, pagiging boring, or lagi nalang nag-aaway. Relationships tend to be that way when you're still young (just my pov), for me - when you think you don't get what you want with him, hahanapin mo sa iba. I try to find the perfect guy but I realize hindi lahat ng gusto natin nakikita natin..

I regret loosing the one who is close to perfect just because I want to have a taste of the 20%.. I thought I can never ask him back, I really broke his heart and now I'm really thankful na binigyan pa kame ng chance.. I have a son with my past relationship.. sana I'll learn this lesson of being grateful for what's there and love him (all out) and be contented.

[kawen]

Up ko lang para mabasa ng lahat.

[nageinna]

thanks for sharing sis. can somehow relate to this. 7yrs na kami ni bf and we are each other's first. at talagang dadating ka sa point where in you'll start looking for those things na hindi mo makita sakanya or hindi na niya ginagawa sayo. but it does not mean you love him any less. you just have to consider and scan your feelings really careful.

[freeswan]

sis kawen, similar post we have with the title "Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have".

[pink.sunshine]

nice naman. thanks for sharing sis.

[cosmochick]

I'll let my fiance read this.. educate ko na sya ngayon pa lang..hehe=p

[-=munchkins12=-]

Nice one. Naguilty ako but that was before.Thanks for sharing!

[paulina19]

Hi sis kawen..very hehe thanks for sharing. Meaning youre with each other arms na? Am so happy for you that your search is over coz dun sa last thread parang similar tayo ng story hehe

[whatswithjuly]

this is so true. i know i've written an article before with similar content... there's always a "better" person than your partner. kasi nga, we're not created perfect. i think i just thrown it because i wanted to move on and totally get over with the wrong person.

[annika]

nice post!

[MissChievous]

Just what I needed to hear. 

ang ganda... nakaka relate ako. now, i'll try to be thankful for having a boring but faithful bf. LOL! :-)

Can relate! At LDR pa kmi ha. [textspeak!] na nga lang.

[kawen]

Hi sis kawen..very hehe thanks for sharing. Meaning youre with each other arms na? Am so happy for you that your search is over coz dun sa last thread parang similar tayo ng story hehe

Hehe.. I hope so sana siya na, we didn't see each other for 6 years, seldom keep in touch, he would shut me off of his life because of what I did to him in the past.. Now, we're ok, we're just keeping things simple, no commitment pero obviously parang kame BUT we're not together.. he already left. posting my story from the LDR thread..

He was my ex-boyfriend (first everything niya ako) then siguro fate brought us back together, until now daw kase mahal na mahal niya pa din ako and if there's someone he would like to be with - it's me (kilig). Ako naman I am a single mom waiting for someone to come along.. weeks before he left, we talked about things, spent every single day together, how we want this to work and his reason for leaving is to pursue his dreams and career, prepare to secure himself financially and then someday settle down.. I believe in second chances, I was not sad when he left, parang challenge kase samin yon that we keep our hearts close no matter what happens. 

He left last month, we're not really 'officially' a couple pero we share the same feelings/dreams, ayaw lang namin ng committment now because we know it would be hard at baka masaktan namin yung isa't isa, no expectations, no promises, just KEEP IN TOUCH and have COMMUNICATION, yon ang setup namin. Magulo noh? so far its working out naman for the past couple of weeks. I don't know why I put myself through this kahit alam ko walang assurance pero I really love him and I believe he loves me too, kung kame talaga, I trust it will happen.

way back college kase (6 years ago), he was the classic example of this 80/20 rule, the one that got away BUT came back.. which I now realized.. I'm never letting him go and I'll do what it takes for this to work even if we're apart.

[paulina19]

Sis kawen..sobrang pareho talaga tayo....we were in college for seven years kami..until one day nagpakasal na lang ako bigla..hes also the that got away but Came hehe. And now am single mom na, and now after 15 years of not seeign eachother nagkita sa FB..and now kami na ulit. Same set up ng sayo hehe..no commitment but tuloy ang communication. Parang mas may challenge hehe. But sad and nakakhiya nga lang coz love p rin sya ng wife nya
    Right love at the wrong time ult...sayang pinakawalan ko pa kasi ang pagkakataon noon...looking for that 20% hehe.

     Ok lang kung kami talaga...kami talaga..

[nainaj]

a must read....thank you for sharing.

[kawen]

^^waaah.. grabe 15 years ago??? I was really scared last time we talked that was last year, kase may ina-arrange yung father niya sa kanya na papakasalan niya, pero their relationship was LDR.. I asked for a 2nd chance that time pero, he shut me off, alam mo yun he told me wala ng chance for us kase pipiliin niya ang girl nato.. so I let him go, I even pushed him to her, told him that I was happy for him (kunwari pero hurting talaga), kase baka nga mas mamahalin siya ng girl na yun, at hindi siya sasaktan... pero sinabi niya sakin mahal na mahal niya parin ako..

well...... eto na nagbreak din sila... I was also scared that he already got married, and I also almost got married with the father of my baby but I realized how my life would be.. kung mababack-read mo dun sa thread ko, grabe din pinagdaanan ko...

Yup tama mas challenging, but somehow umaasa ako and I am committing myself to him kase gusto ko talaga siya na, well if hindi man, I'll accept it... Sis is he separated with his wife? Ano status nila? does he have kids?

[paulina19]

Yun nga ang masakit eh..ang wife nya nasa Ireland as nurse. Pinakasalan nya yun before ng malaman nya nag asawa ako bigla sa pinas..and sya nasa Saudi..dun nya nameet nya ang nurse na yun. And he found out na may plan going Europe..insip na lang daw nya ang future nya of gettingmaried for him to go somewhere since wala na syang babalikan sa Pinas.
    But i can feel it na wala na yung love nya dun sa wife nya coz tuwing magkasma kami..and call si wife..na fi feel ko financially dependent na sya sa wife nya...ang bahay where his broter and sister are staying was from wifey..di na sya makalabas sa situation nya lalo na now..for one year na syang no job.
   Nandun pa rin ang sympathy ko sa kanya coz we ve been together before..during college days we are dreaming of getting old together...yan nga effect ng 80/20 rule.
    wala silang kids..ang problema pa..iniisip nya baby nya ang eldest daughter ko na 14 years old...ha naku...thats life minsan mapagbiro...

[kawen]

Hay sis.. kakalungkot naman.. pere there's a reason that your roads crossed again, enjoy what you have, baka kayo naman talaga ang meant for each other in the end..

Sharing this from HIM.. we were discussing something yesterday about his friend, magandang thought lang related to the 80/20 Rule:

If we allow our relationship to be threatened by someone who can offer us something better, then all of us would be miserable because there could always be better partners than the ones we have now. It eventually becomes a matter of contentment. Let us try to make our relationship work even if at times we lose our interest in it.. being blessed is not always about finding someone new to love but being able to continue to love someone we've always had.

[AlwaysFresh]

Wow! Thank you for sharing:)

I could really relate to the article. In my case, my last relationship lasted for 6years and he was ready to get married; I wasn't. I felt that there was something always missing in the relationship.

Our 6th year together became long distance since he had to migrate to the US. That year of being alone and semi-single showed me what was missing in my life: ME. I gave up my hobbies, beliefs and even friends just to make the relationship work. I thought that a relationship is like that and that what I did was normal. The thought of leaving him never crossed my mind until the long distance. However, at that point in my life though, I was so scared to even think of breaking up with him because of the 6 years! Then...I was set up on a blind date.

I didn't expect much from it. I actually didn't want to go but I went for gut-feel and went for it! To make a LOOOOONG story short, after that date, I decided to break with my ex and I started dating my blind date...who is now my boyfriend:) It's very nurturing relationship and I feel like we are growing together:)