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Author Topic: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?  (Read 36923 times)

cUddLY

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How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« on: April 14, 2011, 01:37:37 PM »
Hi!

To those who have been trying to get pregnant, can you share your tips how you manage to cope with the pressure and the depression of being unsuccessful at it?

My hubby and I have been married and TTC for almost 3 years already and it's starting to get to me. It's all I ever think about! It gets really really frustrating when I here about somebody especially close to the family getting pregnant. I do manage to fake a smile, and make a half-hearted "congratulations, I'm happy for you" but can anybody blame me if deep inside I'm really not and I just feel all the more sorry for myself?

This year alone, 3 members of our family are already expecting, 2 of them even unplanned. First, my husband's cousin who have been also been trying for a couple of years already. Basically, they were our "kakampi". We used to be on the same boat, and wrong as it may be, it was comforting to actually feel that we are not alone in this.

Then, my brother's wife, who is only 22 but already have a 4&1/2 year old. She's expecting again this time. Good for her, unfortunately not for me.

The final straw for me came very recently when my hubby's (he's only 30 while I'm 29) brother , who's 6 years younger than him announced unexpectedly that he got his girlfriend pregnant. I couldn't help but break into a sob. It was just too damn frustrating and too damn ironic! No one was expecting him to give them their first apo. Not only was he the youngest but it's also way too early for them to be getting pregnant! They've only met 6 or 7 months ago for heaven's sake and their relationship is definitely shorter than that. Besides, everyone was counting on US to get pregnant first, being the married couple. Nobody ever imagined that they would get ahead of us, not this early at least.

I really really don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure I'll be getting a lot of "naunahan na kayo" remarks from his side of the family and I don't know if I can hold myself together this time, and keep myself from breaking down in front of everybody.

I need a friend badly, and a good friend for me right now is someone who, in one way or another, is in my same shoes, who knows how this feels like.

Mga sis, care to share your thoughts?
Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.

17arci

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2011, 01:45:47 PM »
Relax lang sis, your time to get preggy will come soon. :)

jhenrheign

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2011, 02:38:39 PM »
yes, I already have a 4 year old daughter and Im pregnant again now... But before I got pregnant again almost 2 years kami nag try na magkaron uli ng baby... sobrang nakakalungkot minsan na you want to get pregnant then malalaman mo preggy yung friend mo or relatives mo,  nakaka disappoint minsan... pero what i do para di ako ma depress is nagpapray lang ako... ayoko din kasi ma pressure ako, pag stressed kasi may effect din minsan para di maka conceive... sabi ko kay God na sya na ang bahala kung bibigyan nya kami uli ng baby... minsan ayaw ko na din mag expect...

last year, may nakausap ko, mom sya ng barkada namin ni hubby, nag kwento sya sa akin na may nakausap daw sya na madre... preggy na sya nun, sinabi nya sa madre na ipagdasal sya na sana boy maging baby nya kasi puro girls ang baby nya, ang sabi sa kanya ng madre, wag mo ihiling na maging boy ang baby mo, kundi ang sabihin mo ay "Thank God for a baby boy". And then ayun baby boy nga ang naging baby nya...

simula nung nakwento sa akin yun, nag start na din ako magdasal, pero ang dinadasal ko non, "Thank God for a baby." kahit san ako magpunta kahit anung oras basta naisip ko yun sinasabi ko yun... after ilang weeks, nalaman namin ni hubby preggy na ko uli... thru TUVs nalaman namin kung kelan sya nabuo kasi irreg ako eh, kaya sa ultrasound lang nalaman kung ilang weeks na sya... i counted the days, and alam mo ba, sa mismong date na kinuwento sa akin yun at nag start ko dasalin yun, yun yung mismong date ng conception nya... sobra akong natuwa... miracles do happen... wag ka lang mawawalan ng hope and faith...
a WOMAN who is so blessed with a family whom i call my OWN...

kaye27

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2011, 04:05:40 PM »
nainspire ako sa kwento mo sis.. Im newly married din and TTC.. ill pray nadin kay God for a baby.. and di nako magpastress sa pag iisip at pagpressure sa sarili ko to have a baby..  ;)

@TS, dont be sad baka di pa talaga time para magka baby ka though nakakalungkot nga.. kasi ako nga 3 months palang married naiinip na ikaw pa kaya..  :(  always have a positive outlook.. malay mo baka next month meron na baby for you. ;)
« Last Edit: April 14, 2011, 04:07:45 PM by kaye27 »
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jhenrheign

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #4 on: April 14, 2011, 04:21:48 PM »
Kaye27-thank you sis... :) I believe kasi sa power ng prayers, kahit di ka religious pero pag nagdasal ka at bukal sa loob mo ang pagdadasal ipagkakaloob yun sayo... pwedeng ngaun, bukas, sa susunod na buwan sa isang taon, di definite, pero basta di ka mawawalan ng hope and faith, God will provide if it is the perfect time...  :)

« Last Edit: May 01, 2011, 07:10:11 AM by jhenrheign »
a WOMAN who is so blessed with a family whom i call my OWN...

red_one

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #5 on: April 14, 2011, 04:58:03 PM »
"Thank God for a baby."

sis thanks for sharing this, it's very inspiring. dapat pala maging hobby ko na rin to recite that. para magkaron na rin me baby.  ;)

and to TS, di ka nag-iisa sis. ako magkahalong tuwa at lungkot ang nararamdaman when i found out somebody is pregnant. happy ako kasi magkakababy na sila, sad ako kasi kami ni hubby ko wala pa. parang inggit ba. pero di naman natin siguro kasalanan if mahirap tayo mag-concieve. and lagi ko sinasabi sa sarili ko, God has His own reason kung bakit di pa nya tayo pinagkakalooban ng baby.
and naalala ko rin yung homily nung priest before, pag humiling daw tayo kay God, do not expect na ibibigay agad ito sayo ng biglaan. just wait and be patient.

hairt mini

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #6 on: April 14, 2011, 05:11:47 PM »
TS: don't worry sis di ka nag iisa  :(
Ako nga dumating na sa point na ayaw ko na makipag socialized and ayaw kong may nag tatanong sa akin kung buntis na ba ako. And this morning my preggy friend called me nagyayang lumabas kasi morethan a month na nung huli kaming nagkita and syempre sabi ko "I'll try" hehe.

How do I cope up? hmmm..nag p-pray ako lagi na sana mawala na yung mga insecurities and inggit ko towards them and naisip ko na lang yung mga positive things habang wala pa si baby like, ako lang ang inaasikaso ni hubby, nakakapag lakwatsa pa ako, shopping galore pa rin - sounds selfish pero at least nababawasan ang lungkot ko. hehe

@ sis jhenrheign: na inpire ako dun! :) sige from this day isasama ko na sya sa thank you list ko kay Lord.



jhenrheign

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2011, 05:15:27 PM »
red_one & hairt mini-you're welcome mga sis... im happy to share it... kasi kung hindi yun na share sa akin im not sure kung preggy ako uli ngaun... maybe yes, maybe no... pero mas naniniwala ako na nandyan lang si God... bibigay nya sa atin pag time na...

alam nyo mga sis, di pumasok sa isip namin na magpagamot or anything, natural lang lahat... recently , i found out na retroverted uterus din ako kaya mahirap mag conceive... basta nag pray lang ako na kung ibibigay nya sa amin malaking blessing yun, kung hindi okei lang din... basta hindi kami nawawalan ng hope and faith...
a WOMAN who is so blessed with a family whom i call my OWN...

anne211

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2011, 05:21:10 PM »
sis cuddly - i totally understand how u feel, TTC din ako for more than 2 years na tapos ngayon my 2 sisters-in-law (mga sis ni hubby) are both pregnant at ako na lang sa family nila ang hindi pa buntis tapos ang nakakalungkot pa e si hubby lang ang nag-iisang boy sa family nya so syempre his family and relatives are looking forward to his future children na hindi pa nangyayari, nape-pressure na din ako tapos there relatives and friends pa who keep on asking kung wala pa ba, naiirita na nga ako eh kasi puro ganun ang tanong nila whenever they see me, di ko na din alam ang best reply sa mga ganung questions, the last time my hubby's relative asked me that, i just answered "magdasal na lang po tayong lahat"...

my uncle recently asked me the same question and when i told him to stop asking me para di maudlot, ang sabi ba naman e "mahina kasi ang dugo mo!" nabwisit talaga ako and until now e di ko sya kinakausap...easy for them to say because they don't know what we are going through...nakakapagod na ngang pabalik-balik sa OB, kakainom ng gamot at kakagastos ng malaki para lang magbuntis...

nakakapanghina talaga ng loob pero tulad ng mga sinasabi ng ibang sis natin dito, just keep the faith and pray and pray... :)

di ka nag-iisa, lahat tayong mga TTC e may mga stories to tell na nakakainis talaga at nakakalungkot pero i still believe that God knows what He's doing and in time, He will give what is best for us! :)

good luck sa 'ting lahat!!! :)

anne211

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2011, 05:23:46 PM »
ps...

sis jhenrheign -  ako rin nainspire sa kwento mo! :) i will definitely revise my prayer from now on, hehe! :)

jhenrheign

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #10 on: April 14, 2011, 06:33:25 PM »
anne211- thanks sis... :) i will pray for all of you... :D
a WOMAN who is so blessed with a family whom i call my OWN...

incay

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #11 on: April 14, 2011, 07:02:01 PM »
sis jhenrheign - you have such a wonderful story  :)

sis cuddly - most of us does feel the frustration pag may nababalitaan tayong preggy tapos tayo di pa rin...as for me, after sometime parang nasanay na ko, i just joke about it na lang.  I just pray na sana when my time comes to be preggy, I won't have difficulty kasi mid-30s na ko, eh.  For now, i'm starting my work-up, ok naman kasi hubby.  Hopefully, patent ang tubes ko after my HSG (to be done within the month).

By the way, I read in one of the ebooks (Interview with Paul & Mary Blackburn, Beyond Success done by Carol Andrews) sent to me by our other sises, na minsan no matter how much we wish/want to have a baby, theres a part of you that doesnt want to.  If sub-consiously we have inner issues/concern regarding pregnancy or having a baby getting pregnant  will just not happen until we come to terms with this issues.  Parang kailangan din siguro ng soul searching, lalo na daw if there's nothing wrong with us physically.  Parang medyo guilty nga ako dito, ang dami ko pa rin kasing gusto maliban sa magka-baby  ;)
"Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours." Mk 11:24

Lei_Glee

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #12 on: April 14, 2011, 08:53:03 PM »
Hi sis cuddly,
Nakakarelate ako sayo...but I have a close friend din kasi na ttc. Mas matagal pa silang kasal and still no child kaya we comfort each other.

But nakakarelate ako sayo sis sobrang sobrang nakakarelate, especially sa facebook where every friend who is married is preggy na hay i just block their posts sa fb ko.
When everyone has side comments, I just shrug everything off. To each his own I guess.
Just stay positive, try for a baby hard, pray harder. Find a good doctor who can help you.  When you do ultrasounds and follicle monitoring, involve mo ang hubby mo para alam niya where you both stand. Isali mo din siya, i-eliminate mo lahat ng possible reasons why di kayo magkababy. In Gods perfect time we will all have babies! Stay strong and healthy sis!
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jhenrheign

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #13 on: April 14, 2011, 10:03:00 PM »
incay-thanks sis... im happy madame kayong na inspire sa story ko... don't worry sooner or later marereceive nyo din lahat ang greatest blessing ni God...  :)
a WOMAN who is so blessed with a family whom i call my OWN...

runea

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #14 on: April 14, 2011, 10:52:57 PM »
sobrang nakaka-relate ako sa subject na ito. sana wag lang ako mag-dramatics habang nagt-type. hay!

kami ni hubby, mags-6 years ng kasal pero wala pa rin kami. minsan, nakakapagod ng mag-explain sa mga tao kung bakit hirap kami makabuo. 2 beses na ako na-operahan sa matres at wala na rin ang isa kong fallopian tube. dito sa lugar na tinitirahan namin (nasa US po kami based), puro nagsisidamihan ang mga anak at laging may mga buntis (jewish communities). nakaka-inggit...

di ako nawawalan ng pag-asa pero ang pinaka-nakakapagpaluwag ng loob ko yung sinabihan ako ni hubby na pinakasalan niya ako kasi love niya ako, magkaroon man kami ng anak o hindi talaga ito ipagkaloob ng Diyos. ika nga, lahat ng mga pangyayari, masaklap man - may dahilan. siguro, paraan na rin ng Diyos para mas marami ang matulungan namin, para mas maging generous kami sa mga mahal namin sa buhay.

ang iniisip ko na lang din, marami naman akong pamangkin na pwede kong mahalin at ituring na parang anak. atsaka parang mga anak na rin ang turing ko sa mga students ko kasi teaching ang naging calling ko.

wag malungkot....mabait si Lord. di tayo pababayaan.

palamig

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #15 on: April 15, 2011, 03:57:18 PM »
cope up?ah paano nga ba hehe eto nga lang naiiyak na ko habang binabasa mga post nyo eh  ;)
hindi kasi ako masyado pala labas ng bahay at hindi na rin ako masyado nakikihalubilo sa mga pinsan ko kasi alam nyo na madidinig ko naman yung pinaka hate kong tanong.

sumasama lang ako dun sa alam kong naiintindihan ako at hindi nangungulit kung bakit wala pa. minsan nasasabi ko na lang dun sa mga closed friend ko "o dba pag sinundo mo ko wala problema wala ko iintindihing baby, nakakagala tayo hehe"  totoo naman pag naglalakwatsa kami ok lang kahit magpagabi pa kami kasi wala naman bata. pero deep inside gustong gusto ko na ng baby.
 
TS, same tayo na naunahan ng younger na kapatid ni hubby. bale 2 lang sila magkapatid asawa ko panganay. august 2008 kinasal kami tapos malaman laman namin december 2008 nabuntis yung kapatid nya ng bf nya at boy ang naging baby nila. so yun ang first apo sa side ni hubby. at minsan nung pumasyal kami dun sa mga tita nya, for the first time in my life may nagsabi sakin ng baka baog daw ako. hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit parati na lang babae ang nakikita or sinisisi ng iba na may diperensya kaya hindi magka anak. simula nung sinabihan ako ng tita nya na baog ako never na ko bumalik pa dun.

ako minsan hindi ko na kinukulit si Lord kasi feeling ko sinasabi nya wala ko karapatan na maging isang ina. kaya hindi ako mabiyayaan ng anak. hindi ba minsan unfair ang life yung iba mabubuntis pero mababalitaan mo sa tv ayan pinaglaglag tatapon kung saan saan. hindi nila naisip na napakaswerte nila.

minsan pag dumadating si mens deadma na lang ako, nasanay na din ako. wala naman ako magagawa mag ngangawa man ako maubos man luha ko useless naman.ganyan ako dati umiiyak tuwing magkakaroon ako pero ngayon hindi na. hindi na ko nag eexpect masyado.

pero dahil sa napakagandang kwento ni sis jhenrheign nabuhayan na naman ko ng pag asa.
laking tulong niyan. salamat

bluish_mommy

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #16 on: April 15, 2011, 04:08:57 PM »
^napaka-taklesa naman nyang nagsabi sa iyo na baog ka... sarap tirisin.

atty.rain

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #17 on: April 15, 2011, 05:08:14 PM »
         Hello mga sis. Join na rin ako sa ttc club.
         Yeah, it's really frustrating if you've been waiting for so long to be blessed with a baby especially if you know that you are capable of having one. It's also irritating to have people around you ask everyday if you're already preggy and some would even comment "ang hina mo naman!"
         1 year na rin kaming ttc ni hubby and we're both 35 na. After seeing an OB-Gyne for 10mos. w/o success, I transferred to a repro endo. Both of them said that we seem to be ok, though my RE advised that I undergo HSG next month. I hope ok ang tubes ko.
         I pray a lot to cope with the frustration. Nag novena ako kay St. Gerard at nag Obando na rin kami ni hubby last month. Sana ibigay na sa amin this month.
         Pray nalang tayo lagi mga sis. I believe that it will come in the right time.

princessleia

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #18 on: April 15, 2011, 06:25:59 PM »
hay naku sis pareho tayo TTC for almost 5 1/2 years, sobrang hirap kaya lang parang nasanay na ata ako pag may nagtatanong sa akin ill just give them a big big smile ;D, hirap kasi ipapaliwanag mo pa sa kanila e di ngitian mo na lang o kaya pasok sa isang tenga labas sa kabila, immune na ata ako pagdating sa topic na yan...pero paminsan minsan tinatablan din lalo na pag nabalitaan mo na isa sa kakilala mo buntis na e nauna ka pang ikinasal don!  :( :'(

pero alam mo sis dapat tayong mga TTC medyo maging strong kasi darating din ang araw na magiging INA din tayo maaaring di pa ngayon but in GOD'S time i know it will come :)

Virtual hugs sa ating mga TTC and BABY DUST TO ALL OF US!

honeys

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Re: How do you cope when everyone is getting pregnant but you?
« Reply #19 on: April 15, 2011, 07:08:56 PM »
hay mga sis, same with you, sobrang nakaka relate din ako sa inyo..ttc na din for 4yrs na. encounter also the same scenarios. how do i cope? im still in the process of accepting , healing n coping na its not yet time for us to have a baby. in time,in gods time, its PERFECT time. i keep on praying and attending church. have faith. baby dust to all ttc.

 

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