Being a 3rd party in a relationship..your reactions & POV's about this

[rae]

^ yung iba, thrill sa kanila yun. Yung pagtatago.

Sakin if it's not the right timing and if it's not the right circumstance, it's NOT the right love and he's NOT the right person.

[ettevyvi]

i guess nasagot na yung tanong ko, hindi lang naman sa situation ko but sa other 3rd party din. i can't help but think, "diba you only live once and life is short? so kung masaya kayo, why not go with it? society lang naman nagdidictate na mali... sure, makakasakit din kayo ng iba, pero it's not intentional. na-inlove lang naman kayo..." kaso after 'going-with-it' wala eh, may uuwian padin siya, sa pamilya niya. kung mag annul man sila, hindi padin siya yun maipagmamalaki mo sa iba...

sorry mixed up ang thoughts ko. but im taking baby steps para lumayo na din... mahirap pero kailangan.

Whoa. I feel for you. I guess it would really come a time when someone will realize how bad things are. :/ You have to move away sis. Everybody deserves to be a choice, not to be a default option when things go wrong.

For everyone...yes, we only live once. But we can't always use the term love to justify and rationalize our behavior, especially if someone is getting hurt by our actions. We are all inter connected. You don't live alone... Sa planetang to, ayaw mo man, at iba ang gusto mo, there would always, ALWAYS be people who'll get affected.

The fleeting feeling of being with someone else who is attached is a high but temporary; the scars that it would bring are too deep and piercing in the long run...

[ettevyvi]

im trying... kanina lang actually. sana tuloy-tuloy na. ang hirap pala maawa sa sarili.

hangga't maaga, pwede pang lumayo. totoo. pero.. you don't have to. be strong sis. di ko alam kung ano sasabihin ko to comfort you but one thing is for sure, you don't deserve to be with a guy who just disrespects you. No woman is ever worthy of such guys.

[ladyxylenz]

ang pagiging 3rd party masakit lalo na pag d mo alam na 3rd party ka pala. akala mo ok na, na ikaw lang [textspeak!] babae sa buhay nya.un pala ginawa kang pangalawa. parang feeling ko tuloy ako pa yung nakarma kc d ako makamove on sa ginawa ng lalakeng yun.hay.:|

[tipC_shoegal]

Ang hirap kasi sa mga galit sa 3rd party, hindi nila nakikita ang pagkakamali ng partner nila or minsan, hindi din nila naiisip na baka may pagkukulang din sila.

I know that I really did a huge mistake and before I fully acknowledged that fact, it took me 3 years. The last 5 months, I was already contemplating and readying to separate myself from the relationship and I actually am thankful that I was able to do it. Imagine, I was 27 when I became the girlfriend of my now ex without me knowing that I was his number 2. I found out, broke it off with him but after a couple of months, he still pursued me and wanted to explain his part so we got back together but eventually, he got the girl pregnant and boom, she declared herself as the "common law wife". I was in love with him that I became just like the others that I've read here - blinded and pathetic. I didn't mind if I was just the option because my point was, he loved me so much to do such thing to his partner. I became the b1tch at some point because of various thoughts na kesyo nauna naman akong nakilala talaga ng then bf ko kasi nagka-2 years na wala kaming communication until I met his brother and it started from there then the rest was such an overwhelming history to look back on.

So anyway, this relationship really made me realize a ton of things that's why I'm deeply into fixing myself and making myself better because somehow, I feel that "karma" might show its wrath on me because of what I did. I have bitter moments because I know I can be a better partner to my ex however I also thought, if he left his number one, I may also be never be at peace because at the back of my head, I'm definitely going to think that he could also cheat on me just like what he did to the former.

I just always look back at all the bad things I experienced with this ex to continuously have the strength to continue getting better and the idea that I should never be again an option does help a lot, too.

[ettevyvi]

Ang hirap kasi sa mga galit sa 3rd party, hindi nila nakikita ang pagkakamali ng partner nila or minsan, hindi din nila naiisip na baka may pagkukulang din sila.

True. Sometimes we get fixated with the other woman pero hindi naman magsisimula ang lahat kundi pinatulan ng lalaki, di ba? Either gender pala. Kung walang papatol, walang magppursue.

The thing is, kahit na may pagkukulang yung isa, I guess wala pa ding karapatan ang isang tao na lokohin ang kapareha nya. Either one should end things abruptly or if things can be fixed, then fix it.

Sure sis you can be better. But we should remember that no matter how perfect we are, even if we have the almost-all qualities a guy is looking for in a girl, if he wants to cheat, he will cheat. No woman, not even his mother, can make him stop.

Tama na yang magmove on ka from him. *hugs*

[rae]

Meron talagang taong talipandas. So hindi din talaga dapat masisisi sa 3rd party ang lahat. Minsan nga pati si number 1 may pagkukulang din.

Pero di dapat isipin yun ng mga talipandas na babae at lalake. Kasi lahat ng tao hindi perfect, ibig sabihin, kahit sino pa ang mapangasawa mo, magkakaron at magkakaron ng pagkukulang. Ano yun, excused na lang lahat ng pangangaliwa?

Ang nakakatuwa sa thread na ito, madami satin, nagt-try to better ourselves

[zee87]

Let me share you my story.
When i met my partner, he was still with his wife and they have a child, almost 2 years old then. Officemates kame. That was 7 years ago. I remember then, crush ko talaga siya kasi parang ang bango bango nya lagi. Pero di ko siya kinakausap dahil di naman din kame close. And i was also in a relationship then. Tapos after few months of being on the same company, he suddenly noticed me. Lagi siya nasa likod ko, smelling my hair, ang bango bango daw.  Tapos he will give me coffee or just sit beside me while im working. Di ko siya ini-entertain then kasi nga i have a bf and i know na may asawa siya. Nakikipag chikahan ako sa kanya pero i know na di ako nakikipaglandian. He sometimes made moves pero i always shut him up.

Kaya lang, my bf and I broke up and he was there when it happened. I was so devastated and confused  and down. Di kame pumasok sa work, then something happened between us. Unti unti, nahulog ang loob ko sa kanya. He told me, di niya daw talaga mahal ang asawa niya. Parang 2 months na yata silang break nung malaman nya na buntis pala yung ex niya. And one month na lang manganganak na yung ex niya nung pumayag siya na magpakasal sila dahil yung parents mismo ng girl ang nag-asikaso ng mga papers nila. 'Sabi niya', akala niya daw kasi that time, pag ginawa niya yung tama, ok lang, kasi magiging masaya siya. Pero sabi niya di daw siya naging masaya. Lagi silang nag-aaway. Sa personality niya na sobrang impulsive, nagagalit sa konting bagay, lagi sila nag-aaway. Siya rin nagkkwento na di naman siya sinasabayan ng galit ng girl kasi nga, base sa kwento niya, tahimik lang talaga yung ex niya. 

Then yun nga, naging kame while sila pa ng exwife niya. On and off kame nun kasi lagi niya sinasabi sa akin na iiwan niya yung ex wife. Everytime na totopakin ako, makikipag hiwalay ako sa kanya. Tapos siya, gagawin niya lahat ng paraan to win me back then he will make promises again. Makikipag hiwalay naman daw talaga siya, wait lang daw siya ng tamang timing. It took 2 years na ganun yung situation namin. Kame, tapos magbbreak... Sometimes, i will buy his alibi na di siya masaya, at masaya lang siya pag kasama ako.

As much as i was happy with him on that kind of relationship, i was also thinking kung hanggang kailan kame ganun. Oo nga at masaya kasi i really feel his love, there's still a part of me na gusto ko sa akin lang siya. And kung di mangyayari yun, we better part ways na lang. So i ended it. Nag boyfriend ako ng iba. kaya lang, di rin nag work. Kasi nga, lumalabas na kaya lang ako pumasok sa relationship with them, dahil gusto ko siya kalimutan. Although i am always a good gf, relationships ended pa rin. I say im a good gf kasi lahat ng mga naging ex-bfs ko, friends ko pa rin. Wala naman sa kanila ang naging bitter.

Then one time, tumawag siya sa aken. hiwalay na daw sila. Sakto, single ako nun. To cut the story short, we're back in each other's arms. Ngayon, we have a child na. Hindi pa rin sila anulled. Di rin naman ako nagtatanong kung kailan niya aasikasuhin. There are other issues pa rin, siguro kwento ko na lang next time.

I am not sharing my story para i-encourage at bigyan ng false hope ang iba. Pwedeng ang kwento ng buhay ko maging kwento rin ng buhay nyo pero maaari rin na hindi. I am sharing this to you guys to let you know, na kahit masaya yung maging nandun ka sa ganun kakomplikadong sitwasyon (dahil siguro masaya dahil may challenge? thrilling kung baga), may time pa rin na tatanungin mo ang sarili mo kung hanggang kailan ka ba magiging masaya. Hanggang kailan ba kayo magtatago. hanggang kailan ba kayo magiging kayo lang. Boring kaya yun in the long run. Kahit na sabihin mo na masaya ka kasi you are in love and loved. At the end of the day, you will still want to get things right. Gusto mo rin matulog ng mahimbing na di ka nag iisip na may pamilya kang sinisira. Gusto mo rin magkaron ng karelasyon na pwede mo ipakilala sa mga kaibigan mo at pamilya. gusto mo rin na sana, kung pwede lang sana, maging normal ang lahat.

[ettevyvi]

Meron talagang taong talipandas. So hindi din talaga dapat masisisi sa 3rd party ang lahat. Minsan nga pati si number 1 may pagkukulang din.

Pero di dapat isipin yun ng mga talipandas na babae at lalake. Kasi lahat ng tao hindi perfect, ibig sabihin, kahit sino pa ang mapangasawa mo, magkakaron at magkakaron ng pagkukulang. Ano yun, excused na lang lahat ng pangangaliwa?

Ang nakakatuwa sa thread na ito, madami satin, nagt-try to better ourselves

I guess its still boils down to... There is no excuse for cheating on someone.

[unwantedP]

Agree kay sis rae, ang daming strong girls here

here's the 80/20 rule from the movie "why did i get married" it says adultery happens when the other one starts looking for what he/she don't have.

The rule says that you get about 80% of what you need from your mate. Sometimes we meet someone who has that other 20% that we're not getting and the 20 looks real good, but if you trade it for the 80, then you'll really see how good you had it.

[karla1o]

^ngayon ko lang nalaman yang 80/20 rule

[rae]

^^
^
nabasa ko din yan somewhere. sa marriagebuilders.com ata.

Pero 90/10 naman. Will you trade the 90% for the 10%? Something like that.

Feeling ko totoo e. It's more probable na kapag hiniwalayan si number 1 for number 2, na ganun ulit. Kapag isang tao na lang yung kasama mo, day in and day out... yung pag-work nyo sa relationship nyong mag-asawa every friggin' day, yung ibang level ng effort na ine-exert mo sa number 1 mo... It's never comparable sa meron ka with your kabit.

Now, kung si kabit na ang number 1, the game changes, ganun na din sya, same ng original partner. You have just one person to work with everyday again.

Yan ang theory ko, kung bakit straying wives and husbands ALWAYS go back to their number 1s. Eventually, na-r-realize nila na, kahit pala magpalit ng partner, the same problems surface and the only thing left to do, is to work with your relationship, the one you invested with.

[jenybasti]

sana maligaw sa thread na to ang kabit ng asawa ko..alam ko na nakokonsensya na sya..sana ituloy tuloy nya na..di lang din naman ako sa kanya galit,galit din ako sa asawa ko.pero ang point ko eh ganito..alam naman nya na una pa lang may asawa't anak na naiwan dito sa pinas yung lalake na yun.and yet pumatol pa din sya.ang katwiran nya pa sakin,di daw nya alam na buntis ako.ke buntis o hinde ganun pa din yun.alam mo ng may asawa pinatulan mo pa..

[jenybasti]

@ princess14-medyo hawig kayo ng story ng kabit ng asawa ko.ganyan din daw sila nagsimula.magkawork sila abroad.sa resto sila.tapos barkada sila.labas labas ayun nadevelop..alam nya din na may asawa't anak tapos pinatulan pa din nya...

[rae]

^ Haaay
Kaya ayaw ko ng friends-kuno na opposite sex.

Prevent controls talaga ang best way para di magkaron ng kabit. Gawing bestfriend ang asawa. Lahat ng opposite sex na friend, i-downgrade dapat ang level ng closeness sa kanila.

Everyday, asawa mo ang kasama mo to face challenges, making BIG life decisions, and raising children.

Walang lugar ang ibang "friend" or "bestfriend" dun.

[CHLayson]

sa una dapat may tiwala ka pero kapag alam mong may iba ng nagyayari na hindi na tama let go. dont waste time talking kahit mahal mo pa eh niloko ka na eh. so wala ng pag uusapan pa.

[dumpee.o13]

^^ agree! your partner should always be your bestfriend.

[Girltalker2]

what goes around, comes around.

[MaitaOfMakeupOnDemand]

Sana girls can just be careful when interacting with married men. Of course, needless to say, hindi purely kasalanan ng babae but yung guy din. But let me just tell you, falling in love doesn't "just happen" even if attraction is instant.

When I was in college, I had best friends who are guys who like to call me for advice. I gladly talk to them EXCEPT pag nagka-gf na sila. If habit nila tumawag sakin, I pick up the phone and tell them nicely, "May girlfriend ka na dapat siya na kausap mo." Now that I'm older, if I meet someone who is married and tries to talk about something personal, I still practice that. Tumatawa lang ako and say "that's a family matter no. Anong alam ko diyan?" By simply being distant like this, I have never fallen in love with a married guy no matter how attractive. Maybe we cannot control other people, but we can control ourselves and if we fall in love with a married or attached guy, we should not blame others.

Me and fiance are the same. Wala akong close friends na guys mula nung maging kami and he's the same. Of course we have friends from the opposite sex but it's a practice never to get personal with them or complain about each other to other people. Opinion ko lang

[mitchal18]

Speaking from exp.,  I think allowing yourself to be a 3rd party shows na you have low self-esteem.. Kasi pumapayag ka na 'spare-time' or back-up ka lang nung lalaki.. YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Tsaka, kapag taken na ang lalaki, back-off na dapat mga ibang girls.. Alam mo naman mga lalaki, baka ma-tempt pa eh papaano na ang mundo? ahaha

Nung naging 3rd party ako, oo masaya siya in a way na nakaka-thrill kasi you're doing something forbidden. pero at the end of the day. LOVE talaga ang importante, at SELF-WORTH. ♥