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Author Topic: After discovering that he cheated, how did u move on? ok pa kayo or hindi na?  (Read 52073 times)

johnlennon1968

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johnlennon168, nagpost ako dito ng question.. since guy ka ano ba ang masasabi mo sa action ng hubby ko? hindi ko siya maintindihan minsan.. hayz...

@eimerej5
  Sa totoo lang mahirap talaga maintindihan kung bakit pa rin ginagawa ng asawa mo yung ayaw mo o kung saan ka naiirita. Ask ko lang sis, nararamdaman mo ba na mahal ka ng asawa mo? na hindi niya kaya kayong mawala sa buhay niya?  Kapag OO ang sagot mo, huwag mo na siyang kulitin pa o pasaringan kapag may napapansin kang kakaiba sa ginagawa niya.

At ang mas importante kausapin mo asawa ng masinsinan, alam ko "corny" para sa husband mo. Pero kailangan mong gawin, sa pagkakataong eto ipaamin mo sa kanya ang lahat at ikaw naman pakinggan mo sis kung ano sasabihin ni husband. Huwag na huwag mong huhusgahan si husband, at kung talagang mahal ng asawa mo pamilya niya o kayo sasabihin niya sayo lahat.

At syempre, mag set ka ng rules na kapag ginawa pa uli ni husband yung ganung bagay tapos na kayo  (kahit pananakot lang!). Karamihan ng mga lalaki though hindi lahat, natatauhan kapag tinakot ng hiwalayan ng asawa at anak nila. Marami na akong narinig na effective yan!

At ang pinaka-importante "don't stop loving your husband". Hindi naman siguro ganun kasama asawa mo para mawalan siya ng "kunsensiya". Maging sweet ka uli sa kanya, kung kakayanin maging extra sweet pa. Mahirap ang sitwasyon mo kasi officemate niya yung girl. Pero ipamukha mo sa asawa yung mga bagay na mawawala sa kanya kapag ipinagpatuloy niya kalokohan niya.

Hindi ko sinasabi na huwag mo ng paki-alaman ginagawa ng mister mo, maging vigilant ka pa rin. "Hanggat maliit pa ang apoy, PATAYIN mo na." sabi nga "daig ng maagap ang masipag".

Ikaw ang asawa ng mister mo, ang kasama niya kaya alam mo kung iba na ang kinikilos niya o nagsisinungaling na siya like "OT daw".

Lastly, LOVE is not a feeling, LOVE is a DECISION
Pag-isipan mo sis....
 
"It is better to be hated for who you are
than to be loved for what you are not."

chichi03

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^from a guy's point of view...well said johnlennon1968
"I have fallen in love so many times in my life...and it's always with you..."

erriane

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^^^grabe,muntik na ko maiyak sis..mabait pa yang hubby mo sis,compared sa mga sis natin dito na philanderer talaga hubs nila..grabe,ang tibay mo sis..sarili mo na kasi magiging kaaway mo once umamin at bumalik na sa katinuan yung partner mo..kasi no matter how he/she proves to you na nagbago na siya,kahit gano pa siya kasincere,kung may natitira pang galit sa puso mo,wala pa rin,mapapagod lang partner mong suyuin ka..

chichi03

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^ nakakaiyak ba sis? hehe....minsan naiisip ko rin pano ko na survive yung situation na yun...first option ko nga nun iwan sya...pero he convinced me to give him another chance...halo halo ang emotion ko nun e (galit, takot, lungkot)...natutulala na lang ako..I have no guts to let anyone know what happened to us...hindi ko rin ma admit sa sarili ko na may ganung pangyayari...i just pray...minsan nagdadasal na lang ako yun bang kinakausap ko Lord na para bang andyan lang sya just to burst out what i feel inside...tuwing uuwi sya from work he sees to it na magusap kami tungkol dun...para ma release ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko lahat ng galit ko sa kanya...pag ganun parang humihinto ang mundo ko...later on medyo naging ok naman ako...totoo ngang time heals all wounds...and it made our relationship even stronger after that trial...alam mo mabait talaga ang asawa ko pinasok lang talaga ng devil yung kokote nya nung time na yun...kanina nga tinatanong ko sya kung may iba pa syang babae sabi nya wala daw at ayaw na nya, alam ko naman daw yun na hinding hindi na nya uulitin na gawin yun...sabi ko mabuti dahil kung hindi puputulan ko sya... ;)
"I have fallen in love so many times in my life...and it's always with you..."

trisha

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I admire men who admit their mistake, denials would only make women more angry

hopelessromantic

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Kung lahat ng misis has same perception as yours I could surely know wala ng kerida ang liligaya sa mundo.
wala naman talaga dapat lumigaya na kerida.they should suffer,big time! kaso depende pa rin sa lalaki yan,ginagawa mo na nga ang lahat nagiging makitid pa rin pag uutak.and tama ka sis trusha lalo lang nakakagigil kapag huling huli na nga nagdedeny pa.
..men and women should complement each other not be like each other..

erriane

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^^^good to hear that sis..  :D

haha,natawa ako sa ultimatum mo..  ;D

eimerej5

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@eimerej5
  Sa totoo lang mahirap talaga maintindihan kung bakit pa rin ginagawa ng asawa mo yung ayaw mo o kung saan ka naiirita. Ask ko lang sis, nararamdaman mo ba na mahal ka ng asawa mo? na hindi niya kaya kayong mawala sa buhay niya?  Kapag OO ang sagot mo, huwag mo na siyang kulitin pa o pasaringan kapag may napapansin kang kakaiba sa ginagawa niya.

At ang mas importante kausapin mo asawa ng masinsinan, alam ko "corny" para sa husband mo. Pero kailangan mong gawin, sa pagkakataong eto ipaamin mo sa kanya ang lahat at ikaw naman pakinggan mo sis kung ano sasabihin ni husband. Huwag na huwag mong huhusgahan si husband, at kung talagang mahal ng asawa mo pamilya niya o kayo sasabihin niya sayo lahat.

At syempre, mag set ka ng rules na kapag ginawa pa uli ni husband yung ganung bagay tapos na kayo  (kahit pananakot lang!). Karamihan ng mga lalaki though hindi lahat, natatauhan kapag tinakot ng hiwalayan ng asawa at anak nila. Marami na akong narinig na effective yan!

At ang pinaka-importante "don't stop loving your husband". Hindi naman siguro ganun kasama asawa mo para mawalan siya ng "kunsensiya". Maging sweet ka uli sa kanya, kung kakayanin maging extra sweet pa. Mahirap ang sitwasyon mo kasi officemate niya yung girl. Pero ipamukha mo sa asawa yung mga bagay na mawawala sa kanya kapag ipinagpatuloy niya kalokohan niya.

Hindi ko sinasabi na huwag mo ng paki-alaman ginagawa ng mister mo, maging vigilant ka pa rin. "Hanggat maliit pa ang apoy, PATAYIN mo na." sabi nga "daig ng maagap ang masipag".

Ikaw ang asawa ng mister mo, ang kasama niya kaya alam mo kung iba na ang kinikilos niya o nagsisinungaling na siya like "OT daw".

Lastly, LOVE is not a feeling, LOVE is a DECISION
Pag-isipan mo sis....
 


Johnlennon1968, thanks sa advice mo... we did had a talk.. a heart to heart talk...

Mga sis i don't know kung paano ko nagawa pero nagawa ko pa din...
At first nasa room kami... And to lighten things up, nakipagharutan ako sa kanya by tickling him and then hanggang sa napahiga na kami sa bed then nagtanong ako kung naaalala niya the first time we met, what he felt that time... Then sunod sunod na ang mga tanungan namin... Una about yun nga kung naalala pa niya yung mga memorable moments namin... Nagtatawanan kami kapag napagusapan yung mga palpak na date, palpak na movie, yung nagcut kami ng class, yung mga first times na ginawa namin... Effective siya na maging comfortable kayo pareho sa pagtatanong then unti-unti natanong ko siya about dun sa girl... And i do felt his honesty and sincerity.... Totoo lahat ng sinabi niya and he is so sorry for what he did and for hurting me, for causing me so much pain...

I do believe him now... That was the first time i felt that he is telling the truth, that i actually believe everything he told me... I felt it... So now, i am trying to pick up all the shattered pieces of my heart and i am slowly learning to trust him again....

It was really a nightmare noon... sana ngayon magandang dreams na ang mapaginipan ko... sana hindi lang to for now... sana forever na...

I learned to accept what he did and to forgive him... Iyun kasi ang kailangan para makamove on ako sa nangyari. For me kasi, acceptance is the key to moving on...

Ok na kami ngayon.. sana tuloy tuloy na talaga... kapag may nafefeel ako nakakaiba hindi ko na siya tinatanong muna... ayoko kasi isipin niya na hindi na talaga ako ngtitiwala sa kanya... Im giving him the benefit of the doubt... pero once nalaman ko na ganun ulit, yari talaga siya sa ken... hehe!



"one of the biggest form of flattery is knowing that by just being your normal wonderful self you make some girl extremely insecure! LIFE IS 10% what is handed to you, and 90% on how you react on it....

johnlennon1968

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Ok na kami ngayon.. sana tuloy tuloy na talaga... kapag may nafefeel ako nakakaiba hindi ko na siya tinatanong muna... ayoko kasi isipin niya na hindi na talaga ako ngtitiwala sa kanya...

Yan ang dapat gawin. Huwag nang ibalik o ungkatin ang nakaraan hindi yan nakakatulong.

Just want to share this ONE:

11 Rules That You Won't Learn in School About Marriage

Rule 1: Marriage isn't about your happiness. It's not about you getting all your needs met through another person. Practicing self-denial and self-sacrifice, patience, understanding, and forgiveness are the fundamentals of a great marriage. If you want to be the center of the universe, then there's a much better chance of that happening if you stay single.

Rule 2: Getting married gives a man a chance to step up and finish growing up. The best preparation for marriage for a single man is to man up now and keep on becoming the man God created him to be.

Rule 3: It's okay to have one rookie season, but it's not okay to repeat your rookie season. You will make rookie mistakes in your first year of marriage; the key is that you don't continue making those same mistakes in year five, year 10, or year 20 of your marriage.

Rule 4: It takes a real man to be satisfied with and love one woman for a lifetime. And it takes a real woman to be content with and respect one man for a lifetime.

Rule 5: Love isn't a feeling. Love is commitment. It's time to replace the "D word"--divorce--with the "C word"--commitment. Divorce may feel like a happy solution, but it results in long-term toxic baggage. You can't begin a marriage without commitment. You can't sustain one without it either. A marriage that goes the distance is really hard work. If you want something that is easy and has immediate gratification, then go shopping or play a video game.

Rule 6: Online relationships with old high school or college flames, emotional affairs, sexual affairs, and cohabiting are shallow and illegitimate substitutes for the real thing. Emotional and sexual fidelity in marriage is the real thing.

Rule 7: Women spell romance R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P. Men spell romance S-E-X. If you want to speak romance to your spouse, become a student of your spouse, enroll in a lifelong "Romantic Language School," and become fluent in your spouse's language.

Rule 8: During courtship, opposites attract. After marriage, opposites can repel each another. You married your spouse because he/she is different. Differences are God's gift to you to create new capacities in your life. Different isn't wrong, it's just different.

Rule 9: Pornography robs men of a real relationship with a real person and poisons real masculinity, replacing it with the toxic killers of shame, deceit, and isolation. Pornography siphons off a man's drive for intimacy with his wife. Marriage is not for wimps. Accept no substitutes.

Rule 10: As a home is built, it will reflect the builder. Most couples fail to consult the Master Architect and His blueprints for building a home. Instead a man and woman marry with two sets of blueprints (his and hers). As they begin building, they discover that a home can't be built from two very different sets of blueprints.

Rule 11: How you will be remembered has less to do with how much money you make or how much you accomplish and more with how you have loved and lived.

"It is better to be hated for who you are
than to be loved for what you are not."


fegloria1954

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Good day sa lahat.. from a guy's point of view who have been cheated by his wife..
We already attended two marriage encounter weekend from different organization last Oct 15-17 and Dec 3-5 ( both are initiated by me!) to totally rebuild our marriage..
 last september 2010 ko lang nalaman [textspeak!] tungkol sa Female Network. nung naghahanap ako ng marriage encounter seminar na-direct [textspeak!] link dito.. Retrouvaille [textspeak!] isang marriage encounter na na-attenddan namin..
Eto [textspeak!] isang phrase ang applicable sa akin ngayon...
"I am not angry that you tell lies to me, I am afraid that I cannot believe you anymore"
Thank you for reading!

johnlennon1968,

Mommy Fe here.

To clarify, Retrouvaille is not a marriage encounter program; it is actually a deeper program, as it is intended for hurting couples - to help them.  Marriage encounter is intended as an enrichment or enhancement program to make a good marriage better.  Hmmm, let me see....Oct. 15-17 was a weekend my husband and I actively assisted in - as registration couple at the weekend venue on Friday night and then as Angel Couple the next day Saturday and Sunday.  We were couple sharers for post 3&4 on the 2nd Saturday - and for post 10 on the 5th Saturday of the 6 Saturday post-weekend sessions.  johnlennon1968, see you at the January 22 CORE.


Dear spouses who were betrayed and are hurting (feeling hurt),

I would like to discuss the concept of forgiveness.

The primary thing that needs to be remembered is that "I forgive, therefore I should forget" is a myth.  You will practically be beating yourself up if you keep reminding yourself that you must forget - because you (think you) have forgiven.  A spouse's betrayal of marriage vows can be a very traumatic experience, and being such, that experience will certainly remain in your memory for a very long time.  In an attempt to forget, you could probably try to drive it into the deepest recesses of your brain, but sometimes, the memory of that deed will come bouncing back to confront you - maybe because of a name, place, thing, sound of voice, word said, etc. that effectively reminds you of what happened.  The brain was "designed" such that we won't really forget traumatic experiences that had harmed us, so that the next time, we will know to try to avoid them - that is how man has evolved and survived eons of existence on earth.

But I tell you what.  If you remember what happened, but no longer feel the pain and anguish (or resentment and anger) you had felt when it was happening to you, THEN, you will know that you have really and already forgiven.  But it does not end there.  The spouse who has betrayed you needs a chance to make amends and so, the betrayed spouse then needs to consider being open to such acts of making amends, so that the process of forgiveness can progress from the actual asking for - and giving - forgiveness, to making amends, and to healing.  So that the two of you can re-discover your respective selves in the context of your marriage, and rekindle your marital love.

My husband puts it across so well - the spouse who betrayed needs to act forgiven and to act trustworthy so that the betrayed spouse can be helped along in making the decision to forgive and to trust again.



Mommy Fe
« Last Edit: January 11, 2011, 12:17:24 PM by fegloria1954 »

fegloria1954

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Yan ang dapat gawin. Huwag nang ibalik o ungkatin ang nakaraan hindi yan nakakatulong.

Just want to share this ONE:

11 Rules That You Won't Learn in School About Marriage

Rule 1: Marriage isn't about your happiness. It's not about you getting all your needs met through another person. Practicing self-denial and self-sacrifice, patience, understanding, and forgiveness are the fundamentals of a great marriage. If you want to be the center of the universe, then there's a much better chance of that happening if you stay single.

Rule 2: Getting married gives a man a chance to step up and finish growing up. The best preparation for marriage for a single man is to man up now and keep on becoming the man God created him to be.

Rule 3: It's okay to have one rookie season, but it's not okay to repeat your rookie season. You will make rookie mistakes in your first year of marriage; the key is that you don't continue making those same mistakes in year five, year 10, or year 20 of your marriage.

Rule 4: It takes a real man to be satisfied with and love one woman for a lifetime. And it takes a real woman to be content with and respect one man for a lifetime.

Rule 5: Love isn't a feeling. Love is commitment. It's time to replace the "D word"--divorce--with the "C word"--commitment. Divorce may feel like a happy solution, but it results in long-term toxic baggage. You can't begin a marriage without commitment. You can't sustain one without it either. A marriage that goes the distance is really hard work. If you want something that is easy and has immediate gratification, then go shopping or play a video game.

Rule 6: Online relationships with old high school or college flames, emotional affairs, sexual affairs, and cohabiting are shallow and illegitimate substitutes for the real thing. Emotional and sexual fidelity in marriage is the real thing.

Rule 7: Women spell romance R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P. Men spell romance S-E-X. If you want to speak romance to your spouse, become a student of your spouse, enroll in a lifelong "Romantic Language School," and become fluent in your spouse's language.

Rule 8: During courtship, opposites attract. After marriage, opposites can repel each another. You married your spouse because he/she is different. Differences are God's gift to you to create new capacities in your life. Different isn't wrong, it's just different.

Rule 9: Pornography robs men of a real relationship with a real person and poisons real masculinity, replacing it with the toxic killers of shame, deceit, and isolation. Pornography siphons off a man's drive for intimacy with his wife. Marriage is not for wimps. Accept no substitutes.

Rule 10: As a home is built, it will reflect the builder. Most couples fail to consult the Master Architect and His blueprints for building a home. Instead a man and woman marry with two sets of blueprints (his and hers). As they begin building, they discover that a home can't be built from two very different sets of blueprints.

Rule 11: How you will be remembered has less to do with how much money you make or how much you accomplish and more with how you have loved and lived.

====================

HI johnlennon1968,

It is best to ensure that we give credit to the author.  This one is by Dennis Rainey in an article published in the MARRIAGE MEMO newsletter of the Family Life, who has copyright rights to it.

Mommy Fe

johnlennon1968

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@fegloria1954

Thank you for the information sis.
I received the article from a friend through e-mail.

Very touching lang kasi kaya I share it.
Thanks again sa correction.
"It is better to be hated for who you are
than to be loved for what you are not."

fegloria1954

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johnlennon1968, I posted that article to the Retrouvaille egroup and to two individuals (married to each other) very early this morning, at 12:23AM.

See you at the January 22 CORE.

em_cee

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nice read.
Jesus Loves Me!

eimerej5

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i also read it...

its nice to be reminded of things what marriage and love is and what is not...

"one of the biggest form of flattery is knowing that by just being your normal wonderful self you make some girl extremely insecure! LIFE IS 10% what is handed to you, and 90% on how you react on it....

euwie

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sana makaattend kami nung program na yun sa Retrouvaille sa May. bukas na ako magpopost ng mahaba haba kasi tong mister ko dinidistract ako. nakita kasi na eto binabasa ko, ayaw na siguro ipabasa sa akin. hay kakalungkot :(
EDD: nov 12, 2013
Can't wait!!!!

Sometimes, i don't even know why am i answering the obvious. Google, backread when in doubt! When all else fail, then by all means ASK!

girl24

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What did you do after you discovered that he cheated on you and what did you do to move on?
- nang away, nagsira ng gamit niya, nagusap, nagiiyak, natulala, nadepress
Is your relationship still ok? Are you still together?
- yup, we are still together but we went through yung pinalayas ko siya
Do you still feel the pain of what happened?
- not as intense as before siguro kasi matagal na rin naman mga 2 years yung me kabit at 1 year ago yung ma kalandian naman
Do you still trust him after that? what did you do to bring the trust  back?
- nope, not entirely. kasi inulit niya yun nga lang smaller scale. so i still think that he could be flirting with other girls maaari lang na they don't make patol. mahirap pati to put my trust in him ulit kasi ang sakit pag sinira na naman niya yung trust.
do you still feel that maybe he is still with someone else or still with the old sl*t that broke your trust and faith in him?
- no he is not with the bitches anymore. fear ko ibang b**** naman pumatol.
Share your experiences and thoughts about this....
- totoo na time heals all wounds. the pain will not go away in a blink of an eye, nor does trust be returned 100%. but you can start over and be better people. how by being more patient, more accepting of faults, and stronger that if it happens again you know that you can separate from him knowing that you gave your all and your best.

PrincessKitty

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^pede po ba ito sa mga live ins ?
"Dont use such strong words.. it only makes you feel weak..."

euwie

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what did you do after you discovered that he cheated on you and what did you do to move on?
natulala ako pagkadiscover ko na may babae asawa ko. umikot paligid ko, sobrang nahilo ako. hindi ko alam paano magreact because i wasn't prepared for it kasi sobrang i trusted my husband. we are still in the process of moving on.

Is your relationship still ok? Are you still together?
iwe are still together, most of the time ok relationship namin. sobrang hirap kasi lagi ako nareremind ng ginawa nya. like yung codes na ginagamit namin dati ng asawa ko to tell the time since ldr, ni-share nya sa kinabit nya nung nagpunta na asawa ko dito sa dubai. imagine, ang t*nga rin nila no. di pa nila pinutol yung kasalanan nila sa pinas pa lang, pinaabot pa nila dito, ayan tuloy, nadiskubre ko pa.

Do you still feel the pain of what happened?
oo. palagi. alam ko ako ang talo sa lahat kasi ako ang nahihirapan. alam ko nahihirapan rin asawa ko sa pagkuha ng trust ko ulit pero masisisi nyo ba ako? everytime na may napupuntahan akong church na 1st time ko puntahan, laging ang dasal ko na sana maka move on na ako talaga. na sana mapatawad ko na talaga asawa ko fully. sobrang hirap hirap hirap.

Do you still trust him after that? what did you do to bring the trust  back?
sobrang hirap na talaga ibalik ang trust. i know i haven't forgiven him yet and lagi pa rin ako nagagalit sa kanya when we message each other pero sandali sandali lang naman kasi kumakalma rin ako in the end. iniisip ko kasi lagi, ako ang talo sa sitwasyon at kailangan ko talaga mag move on. i really try my very best not to  bring the subject up.

do you still feel that maybe he is still with someone else or still with the old sl*t that broke your trust and faith in him?
definitely the wh*re who tried to steal my husband is out of the picture, but now napaisip ako, pwedeng magkababae ulit asawa ko. talagang nawala na tiwala ko. madalas i'm out of the country so hindi ko talaga alam ginagawa ng asawa ko. ldr kasi kami dati nung nagawa to ng asawa ko kaya ngayon maski nasa isang bansa na kami, cautious na ako talaga. i check his mobile phone, pero hindi rin ok na mag rely ako sa phone alone kasi blackberry, unlike nokia na hindi pwedeng selective ang pag erase ng call and text log.

naaawa ako madalas sa asawa ko kapag nagstart na naman ako magalit sa kanya about what he did. kasi napapaiyak sya kapag kumakalma na ako. malamang tinatamaan ng guilt. pero napakahirap talaga lalo na sa tulad kong hindi martyr. i mean, mahal na mahal ko asawa ko, that's a fact, but hindi ko kayang magpaka martyr at basta na lang tanggapin ginawa nya ng ganon ganon na lang kasi bugbog na talaga family ko ng infidelities. i am a walking contradiction alam ko pero love is not enough to make a relationship work. there should be trust and respect. at sa pagkakataong yun, walang respect nung ginawa nya yunsa akin and ngayon naman ang problema ko e ang trust pati na rin ang pain. i love my husband so much that we gave the relationship a second chance pero sobrang hirap at ewan ko na lang kung mababalik yung dati. madalas, kapag masaya kami ng asawa ko, nanghihinayang ako. kasi bakit ngayon pa kami naging ganito kasaya? bakit ngayon pa sya naging extra sweet at hindi na mainitin ang ulo? feeling ko minsan, hindi genuine yung happiness na nararamdaman ko. hay ang gulo gulo.  :-X
EDD: nov 12, 2013
Can't wait!!!!

Sometimes, i don't even know why am i answering the obvious. Google, backread when in doubt! When all else fail, then by all means ASK!

 

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