Jealousy UPDATED!

[roxybaby]

both of us came from a long term relationship. mine was 6yrs and his was 4yrs. we're dating for 8months now and we always argue for one reason only. and it's because of his ex gf.

i know jealousy kills bigtime especially in relationhips. but if you feel or when you know that someone is hurting because of you, you should back off, right? babae din sya eh..

on our first month, i was ok with it because i didn't know that they communicate that much. text, call, chat and they even eat out together last april w/out my bf informing me. he only told me 2 months after.. AND they always update each other.

the girl knew before that we always fight because of her but right now, whenever she asks, my bf always tell her that it's ok. one time, she offered that she'll back off na but my bf said no since they're not doing anything wrong naman daw.

my bf knows even before na nasasaktan ako ng sobra everytime nalalaman ko na they texted, talked or chatted with each other. of all the ex gf's of my bf, i don't know why i'm really jealous w/ this girl. maybe because she's a dean's lister when she was still in college & i'm not. because she's rich & i'm not. because she has a good job & i don't. etc.. pero IMO: if my bf really loves me, he'll stop communicating w/ his ex right? because he knows that i'm really hurting & it's always the cause why we argue.

FYI: the girl has a bf na also.

sometimes i want to end na lang our relationship but i love him so much. i never loved anyone the way i love him. i don't know what to do..

[pumpkin13]

Well..IMO, kung wala silang ginagawang masama eh di sana hindi ka nasasaktan. And i think it's kinda off that he's still going out with his ex. Sometimes there are really people who try to save the friendship if the relationship did not work, pero if there is another relationship na nasisira because of that then that person (happens to be your bf) needs to do something about it. Parang ang pangit naman kung papapiliin sya between you and the ex. It doesn't have to get to that point naman if he's being fair to everyone. Ano yun, having the best of both worlds? Wag ganun. 

Well kung ako ang nasa situation na yan, probably I'll be more observant muna.baka naman nagsubside na yung communication nila, or baka naman simpleng nagkamustahan lang. This is just your story posted here. Baka naman iba ang story ni bf. Pero if there is really something fishy going on, puwes magsama sila. Hindi kita ginagatungan sis, it's just that I can't tolerate these kinds of situations. Unfair.

Pahabol pala before I end this post. Kapal ng ex ha if she offered to back off. Heller, she should have simply done it! Offer??! 

[shaunthesheep]

I don't think this issue is all about jealousy. From where I stand, this is more an issue of respect, or rather the lack of it. Clearly, your reasons for being hurt are valid.

Your guy continues to show lack of respect towards your relationship or to your feelings to say the least. I'm not sure if what your guy and his ex have can qualify as an emotional affair. Regular communication and meet-ups with his ex when he is in committed relationship with you is inappropriate to say the least. If your guy gets too close to the fire, he's bound to get burned.

The real question is, can you live with it? Assuming you both end up married, and the guy continues to regularly communicate or go out with his ex, will this arrangement still be acceptable to you?

[roxybaby]

i really don't know na mga sis. i don't know the girl eh. i mean i haven't seen her personally. i don't want to judge her either. he said she's super nice daw. alam mo yun? yung parang sobrang nice sya tas ako na nagiging masama kc wala naman daw ginagawa sakin yung girl. and they've been through a lot that's why they have this kind of special/good friendship daw. they grew together, that's what he always say & the girl taught him many things in life. pero same thing also with my ex but we don't communicate anymore.

i thought about that before too. respeto na lang din di ba? babae din sya so she should feel my pain but my bf said that nung sila pa, she's not selosa daw unlike me. she's cool.

i really don't know if it's me, him or her ang may problema..

[mooncake and leaves]

i'm not going to be so pissed with the girl to be honest. i am going to redirect all that frustration to my boyfriend. si girl, she doesn't give a s**t about you in the same way you don't have a responsibility to her. it all starts and ends with your boyfriend.

sure, they might have gone a long way back. sure there's history. but that's where it all should remain: history. museums. tombs? lol.

bottomline is, all that respect he wants to devote to his past and this friendship should never be more important than his commitment to you. and part of being in a committed relationship is acknowledging that there are certain adjustments to be made.

i do think however, that maybe he is not ok with completely cutting off ties with her and it has probably a lot more to do with him not wanting to be told what to do. you know, typical male bs about ensuring that he's still his own man even when he's in a relationship. maybe they really are good friends. and maybe it's all in how you approach it. mas maganda naman kasi yung makiusap ka or mahinahong usapan kesa away agad. saka wag completely wala. tell him it's fine but there should be limits. nearly everyone responds better to a negotiation.

[baliwsayo]

Kung may ex-bf ka, I suggest that you give him a dose of his own medicine. Kung hindi siya magreact man lang pag ginawa mo rin mga ginagawa niya, then I guess wala ka nga dapat ika-praning. Try to focus on more positive things na lang. Malakas makapangit kasi ang mapraning. 

[roxybaby]

actually it's our monthsary yesterday. he didn't even greet me. oh well, i didn't too pero alam mo yun? basta.. i'm really confused. minsan iniisip ko kung mahalaga ba talaga ako sa kanya.

@sis baliwsayo: my ex bf has a gf already & we don't communicate na because he said that he don't want to hurt his current gf, but we're still friends..

[ylisza]

i really don't know what to say.. i want to laugh cause i can super see my self in you being a jealous gf.. but i can also see myself to the ex who's like super close, still, to your bf.. maybe they're like BFF.. haha!

i think that your bf should know how you really feel.. i think you two should talk.. if you'd talk na about this then talk about it again.. it's not healthy when you're hurting, and it's not worth your time.. you're in a relationship because you want to be with someone and you want to be happy.. be careful girl.. be smart na lang..

[lennix]

Kung may ex-bf ka, I suggest that you give him a dose of his own medicine. Kung hindi siya magreact man lang pag ginawa mo rin mga ginagawa niya, then I guess wala ka nga dapat ika-praning. Try to focus on more positive things na lang. Malakas makapangit kasi ang mapraning. 

I like this, I think this will work!

[roxybaby]

UPDATES!

we both decided to end our relationship..

i've never been hurt like this before.

he said na di nya kayang iwan yung girl because malaki yung utang na loob nya dun. the girl showed him great support before, etc. and they've been friends before i entered his life. for him it's not fair to let him choose between his friend and me.

for me, it's like he chose the girl over me na rin but he said it's not like that. he said pagod na daw syang ipagtanggol sarili nya & ako din naman eh pagod ng ipaglaban sarili ko. for him, it's about trust daw kc wala ako nun sa kanya.

di ko naman sya pinapili eh.. but when he said na di nya kayang gawin yung gusto ko, i concluded na mas pinili na nya yung girl over me. mas pinili nya akong saktan.

i never wanted to end their friendship. ang akin lang, sana may limits na kc di na nila pwede gawin mga ginagawa nila dati kc may kanya2x na silang lovelife eh & he knows na nasasaktan ako.

i'm not mad mga sis. i just told him that maybe pinadaan lang ako ni God sa buhay nya para mareliaze nya na mas importante pa rin yung girl sa buhay nya aside from his family over me.

i duno what to do anymore. i'm praying so hard that he'll come back to me one day. sobra ko syang pinaglalaban sa family ko. i love him so much.

[pumpkin13]

^sorry to hear that sis..

I sure know how it feels, sobrang masakit talaga. Not only because you lost a relationship which you have fought for but also because somehow, your pride was stepped on.

Pero sis, look at the bright side of things. At least now you know where you stand, at least now you know that it's all he could give, at least now you know that it's how he really feels (that he couldn't let go of her), at least now the truth has come out. Yes it does hurt but try to reach within you, try to feel if somehow you are relieved that it's all over. It might not be the end of it all, he might still change his mind and feelings. But right now, it's not bad to feel the pain and immune yourself. Just make sure that you'll help yourself to move on and be a little wiser the next time.

*Hugs*

[shaunthesheep]

Hats off to you, roxybaby.

I'm not sure I agree that pride was a factor in your decision. It was all about adhering to your principles and keeping your self-respect, whatever the consequences are.

It must have been really hard for you to make that decision knowing the pain and the hurt that comes with it. Had you opted to stay with him, the relationship would have eventually failed for some other reasons. (I would have inserted a smiley icon with sporting a salute but i couldn't find one.)

[roxybaby]

i thank you so much mga sis. your opinions were a big help. *hugs to all*

[ylisza]

tapang ni rox.. galeng! ok yan sis.. 

[BoleynGirl]

I would have done the same thing.. it's obvious he just doesn't love you enough..

[hedonista]

i thank you so much mga sis. your opinions were a big help. *hugs to all*

**BIG HUG sis.**

I feel for you and I have been through that situation and worse pa. 2 years na kame and he confessed ne ex pa rin nya naiisip nya pag magkasama kame so he was asking for a break up that time. But I did not let that happen. I tried to understand him and help him have what he wanted and what he needed: closure. I planned everything para magmeet at mag usap sila.

I also stopped being jealous. Nakakasira talaga ng relationship kasi guys think that wala tayo tiwala.

Anyway, charge it to experience sis. Read ka ng The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes. That book helped me a lot. especially when he broke up with me 3x in 3 months. Law of attraction lang. He came back. And I am not that jealous gf anymore.

I wish you luck and I know you will meet a person who will not make you jealous like that.

Still be grateful of the experience.