avoiding being too possesive and obsessive..

[graceria07]

Hi GTalkers... im the type of person na mahirap mainlove, pero once I get involved with a person, dire-diretso na yun and I have the tendency to be possesive and obsessive... ayoko na sana maulit yung past, I have someone right now.. and I want to work things out with him.

Ano po mga tips nyo on how to stay away from being possesive and obsessive.. gusto ko may oras pa din ako sa sarili ko.. and para na rin di ako makaisip ng kung ano anong guni guni if we are not together.

[luisacart]

Exercise. Run. Jog. Dance.

ganyan din ang ugali ko, sis. what i do besides work out is I see other people, start a hobby, go out with friends and have fun.. basically, try to channel your infatuation/obsession into something fun and healthy.

Pero I really recommend jogging. Itakbo mo [textspeak!] excess energy mo.

[themissingx]

Hi sis! I also have that same tendency so I always see to it that I have a lot of other things going on with my life aside from him!

I love spending time with him but when we're not together, I try not to think or obsess about him by KEEPING MYSELF BUSY!

When you're idle, you tend to just think about him. And then you start pestering him by texting, calling, emailing or whatsoever gimmick you might think of. This is a big no-no for everyone, even for girls, who have other things going on with their lives.

Imagine yourself busy at work or school, beating deadlines, then your significant other, who seems like there's nothing else going on with her/his life, would start pestering you and at worse getting mad if you don't respond right away or the way they want you to. ANNOYING DIBA? Tendencies are, you get into a fight. Then you'll feel smothered. No freedom. Sakal. Then you would want to take a break so you'll be able to breath again. FAIL.

So what are the things that will keep you busy and even for a while, make you forget about him:

1. Work - keep yourself preoccuppied with work! When you're busy, you won't notice the time. Before you know it, the day's over and you haven't even talked to each other! He'll miss you. You'll miss him. You'll both miss each other. WHICH, will make your next time spent together worth sharing.

2. Friends - spend time with your friends! Girls night out, girl bonding, shopping, pampering, etc. Shopping always keeps my mind off him, haha.

3. Volunteer - Spend time to cultivate your innnerself. Get inspiration from other things and people too. From experience, I can tell you that volunteering for a non-profit organization is very much fulfilling. It will keep you busy, emotionally healthy, inspired and fulfilled! :-) He might even find this sexy and inspiring too!

4. Hobby/Sport - engage into activities you like or love. You may do this along with friends, with him or just by yourself. If you do not have any, think of something you're interested in or things you want to try. Then find a friend who shares the same interest, then you can do it together. My hobby-turned-to-business which is accessory-making keeps me busy everytime. Now, he even takes time to go to my house and help me out, haha! Sometimes he even helps me sell them. :-)

5. Family - spend time with your family! Go out with them and have a blast. Nothing beats quality time with family, even just to catch up.

That's it! Basically, it's having fun with yourself. When you know how to have fun with yourself, your guy will be more interested to join and be part of your world. He will want you to have fun with him too or experience the same fun you're having! So he'll want to spend more time with you and be all happy and excited when you next see each other! :-)

Hope this helps sis! It's great to be in love! <3 But never forget to still love yourself.

[graceria07]

wow! thanks mga sis.. oo nga i think marami akong idle time... might as well use it for other things than pestering him thanks ulit! 

[I am Aileen]

This is my dilemma as well.

And as the others have said, keeping yourself busy usually works--actually it does. Especially for me.

But once those idle times come seeping in--which always does, no matter how busy you are--then you'll just go back to square one. So aside from keeping yourself busy, try to instill it in yourself to wholly trust your partner.

You're not going to be busy forever. So just teach yourself to believe in the person you love but with the right mix of alertness. I'm still working on this inner issue, but it will come

[ovann]

I'm in the same boat. It's harder for me since I have a lot of free time  and I'm away from family and friends so resisting the urge to talk to your guy is really difficult. I try to keep myself busy but as I am Aileen said as soon as what you're preoccupied with at the moment ends you start  obsessing all over again. I found that because I'm obsessing over him too much I became too available for him, reply agad when he texts..parang ang boring and pathetic haha.
During these times I focus on myself, what I enjoy, even search the net for a laugh. Its good you think of him pero its detrimental din for the both of you if you obsess. you're practicing a bad habit of pestering him and exerting too much of your energy for well nothing..kasi kung ano ano pwede mo maisip diba. Pamper yourself, take a long bath, go to a spa treat yourself para sa sarili mo. 

[luisacart]

^ako, sis, ganyan ako dati. taong-bahay. lol sa sobrang available at walang ibang magawa kapag nagtext sya reply kaagad. kapag nag-aya lumabas the same day, naka-oo agad. now, talagang pinupuno ko ang calendar ko ng activities para malibang ako. i go out often. saka ndi lang girlfriends ang dapat mo isama, isama mo rin mga boyfriends mo para naman fair sa lahat.

it would still be hard if you do activities on your own (unless it's something physical like jogging) kasi talagang maaalala mo pa rin sya all the time. so, ang suggestion ko, gumala ka talaga with friends para mas nakakalibang. kasi the more distracted you are, the better!

[orangerain]

Natawa ako kasi ganito rin ako. Siguro tama nga ang other girls, it's best to keep yourself busy with other things. I tend to stop obsessing about my boyfriend when I'm loaded with school work plus yung part-time ko pa. So it's true that if you're occupied with other things, you think about him less.

Also, it's important to see the root of your obsessive/possessive behavior. Aminin mo sa sarili mo na may insecurities ka and try to find out what triggers those insecurities. Once you know what the deal is, mas madali macontrol ang possessive and obsessive behavior. In my case, nagagalit ako pag wala siyang time for me. Narealize ko ang insecurity ko ay yung fear of abandonment kasi nangyari yun sa family ko when my parents separated. I decided to build on my trust on him and always reminded myself na I am individual independent from my boyfriend. It worked.

[bongoko]

Hahaha. Medyo ganito ako last month, dahil wala kami masyadong project sa office. Tapos siya yung sobrang busy. Wala akong ginawa kung hindi guluhin siya sa YM or itext, tapos pag di sumagot, magagalit ako.  Kaya ngayon I know better. Mas ok pag occupied ka, pamiss ganon. Nagwork naman, miss niya ako at siya na [textspeak!] nangungulit sakin.

[luisacart]

meron palang twag dito. 'yung tipong sya ang laman ng utak mo 24/7.. sabi ng mga scientist who does research on love psychology/physiology. ang tawag daw dito ay "intrusive thinking" kasi kahit may ginagawa kang iba pumapasok sya sa isip mo. it's a sign of romantic love.

[lesters_gal]

Ilove the term sis."Intrusive thinking".ako ganyan lagi ako sa mga nagiging bf ko.I don't know why.tayong mga girls lang ba ang ganito,or meron din mga guys na ganyan.kasi parang feeling ko ang mga guys nakakalimutan ang mga gf nila kapag busy sila sa work etc

[aquacharly]

The best way to not become obsessive and possessive... is to be with a guy you can trust. 
               Be with a guy who has enough brains, motivation and love for you to take care of your mental and emotional health.

[kimpot]

^ wow! nice sis aquacharly.

'hope i can be like that.. trusting girlfriend. hehe! 

[kittypowerranger]

^ ako din naman i trust my bf until he prove me wrong to trust him then ill take actions pero if he do what he says then no need to be possessive and obssessive

[traveltechie]

super helpful ito. for the past months, i have been like this, pero now i'm trying hard to keep myself busy with other stuff.

[ana mimi]

i can't help but to be possessive.. ganun kase ako ee.. gusto ko ako lang./. pag may katext na syang iba kahit nagtanong lang, i make a fuss na.. super obsessed ako

[majika7777]

Exercise. Run. Jog. Dance.

ganyan din ang ugali ko, sis. what i do besides work out is I see other people, start a hobby, go out with friends and have fun.. basically, try to channel your infatuation/obsession into something fun and healthy.

Pero I really recommend jogging. Itakbo mo [textspeak!] excess energy mo.

I like this one! 

[thingamajig]

Buti na lang at natagpuan ko ang thread na ito. Ganito rin ang problem ko ngayon. Gusto ko lagi syang kasama, and naiinis ako pag hindi ko sya macontact. Feeling ko obsessed na ako kasi lagi ko syang naiisip even when I'm busy.

But I want to claim my life back. Basta, I will think of hobbies and gimmicks that I could do. I love him, but I want a life that doesn't revolve on him.

[shopaholic18]

isa lang tingin ko makakapagpawala ng pagiging obsessive and possesive sa bf, trust, if you trust the guy you won't have to deal with this.

[krnmprl]

ganito rin ako and the way i was able to get around it is: do not let your self worth become tied up with what another person is doing with his/ her life.

in other words, make yourself busy. learn some new skills, get busy with work, get into sports or a new hobby. go out with friends. anything that will keep you from making your life revolve around a single person. that is not healthy, no matter how often we tend to do that.