our family is going through this problem right now... and maybe this is more of a rant, but i do need some advice.
my younger brother is still in school, he's training to be a pilot, so he still doesn't have a job.
him and his wife have separated because she'd go out every so often with her friends and leave us with the baby. she's still in college, which my dad paid for, and her allowance would also come from my dad.
her and her family, who are not that well off in the first place, never had to spend for anything, until on their baby's first birthday, she blew up and asked for separation from my brother --- then ran off with the baby.
it wasn't until they ran out of money to take care of her did they return her to us. they're not well off, she doesn't have a decent job, or even a stable place to stay in manila... since she left our house, she stayed with her friends, going from house to house. never even bothered to visit her baby during holidays with us.
i think when she finally realized she needed us (for money) she started being all sweet to my brother and asking for help for allowances, and other things. my brother is a good guy, so he gave her money a couple of times, only to find out she's been using it to party and go drinking with her friends.
and whenever she'd pickup the baby to bring to her parents (bataan), my brother would go with them, take care of transportation, buy milk, buy diapers, and give her more than enough money for the baby, even when all is provided for.
it was good at first, until my brother noticed that whenever he'd send them money, she'd stop replying to him on how the baby is, and would ignore him all over again. only if she needed money (for school allowance and "for the baby") would she contact him again.
also, whenever we'd get the baby, we'd find out shes been buying the cheap brand of diapers for her.
so, just last month, she comes over our house, with no warning, saying that shes taking the baby to bataan. shes been a biitch to my brother all week long, and then while they were about to leave, she asks -- no, demands my brother for money... we said no.
but eventually i caved in and gave her just enough to take the bus home. we swore never to give her money again. BTW, she brought with her the baby's milk and diapers we bought, which was supposed to stay at our house.
then after two weeks, her and her mom sent my brother dozens of texts asking for more money for the baby. my mom just wanted it to be over, so they send money... after a week, they bug my brother again, saying the baby ran out of milk and diapers, which is weird because we sent more than enough money.
we just feel so used. we love the baby so much, and spoil her and give her everything when shes with us, but my brother's ex and her family are NOT contributing anything, and what we want, since the girl wanted to be a single mom, is for her to take some responsibility --- pero wala talaga eh.
is it so bad if we stop giving money? we'd help, if they needed milk, we'll buy milk. if they run out of diapers, we'll send diapers, clothes, new toys, we'd give it to her if she needs it...
but money --- i think we've had enough.