a letter to break his heart

[pumpkin13]

Yes, I've fallen for him. I never planned this. I never even expected this would happen. All I know is that we've grown a little closer each day as good friends do. But this time, it's beyond my control. Believe me.

I love you. You know that. In 13 months that we've been together, I stayed faithful. I stayed so much in love with you that my world revolved around you, just around you. Until now.

I can't explain how it happened. I couldn't even admit to myself that this is happening now. I used to think that all those messages through the phone were simply messages. They didn't mean anything. I thought everytime we ate together every meal break, it was nothing. It only felt good not eating by myself. I had someone to share the food and the moment with. But I was wrong because I had the chance to eat with other people and so did he. Yet we chose to be together. To eat, to smoke together, to share stories with, to laugh with each other..To know each other better. To even like each other so much. I thought every moment we spent with each other was purely a product of a pure friendship but I was fooling myself. Because everyone who could see us would never think that we're simply friends. It's more than that. And yet we would never admit.

I am touched with the way he cares for me. He would never go home without making sure that I was on the bus safe with a friend. He would never sleep without making sure that I was already there lying on my bed about to create my dreams. He would always see me before our shift, he would aways make sure I've had my meals. He would always make sure I have the greatest mood at work. Otherwise, he would send my favorite song through email. He would even sing it for me. Remember how you hated my favorite song? How you thought it was so oldie and 'baduy'? Well, he liked it. He even downloaded it to his phone so he could share it with me.

Everyday he would make me smile. When I frown, he gets worried. And I like it when he's worried because he would automatically plant small kisses on my forehead. You know how I like being kissed on my forehead. He could make my heart skip a bit every time I see him, everytime I'm near him. I feel secure everytime he holds me like he's never letting me go. When he ties his fingers on mine, I feel like we're going to hold each other forever. I felt like a princess.

But it's just a feeling. It might not be true. Because he knows about you. He knows that he's just a sidedish. He fills your absence. He fills my emptiness. And he knows he's nothing more than a friend. Because of you.

And now I'm confused. And I'm guilty. It's because everytime I feel happy with him, I should be feeling happy WITH YOU. Everytime I laugh with him, I should be laughing with you. And everytime he says he misses me, you should be saying those words and i should be missing you as well, not him.

Don't get me wrong. You're fantastic. You are a great person and you have loved me so much that I don't think he could ever do the same. I loved you as well but I think it's not enough for me to stay this way with you. It's unfair. I'll be hurting you. And it would hurt me more knowing that I hurt the best person I have ever had in this world. I'm letting you go. Not because I'm gonna be with him. I'm not letting you go because I now belong to him but rather I'm giving us up so I could belong to myself, just to myself and not to anyone else.

I can't take him. It will not be fair. I know I will never be truly happy with him. Thinking that I left you because of him, it would just kill me.  I'd better be on my own so I can stop hurting you both. I'm letting go of everyone so I could wallow on my own faults. Let me suffer.

[bmitch]

Same sad song...

[tipay]

You verbalized my thoughts exactly.

[anne29]

I've been to this very situation....

I chose the other guy over him, i broke his heart, i gave up on the four-year-old relationship to start anew, i risk everything, i gamble...

and still, though I'm happy with him, i still can't recover from what I did, guilty i am...

I've learned that... it's much easier to accept things if your the one left behind rather than if your someone who has the power to choose between the two, for it's your decision that will change everything... for it's you to blame if everything's fall out of place... ang hirap! sobra!

I also thought letting go of everything is the best decision, but it's not.


It's not rightful for you to suffer, everyone deserves to be happy, and so you are too...

Choose the person your heart screams... don't worry about the other guy, he'll soon find he's own happiness and will thank you someday for letting him go..

aytenchu

[scatterhaiku]

a complicated, complicated situation. but life's short...

[Mama_Mia]

complicated indeed. Would you choose the one you love or the one who loves you???

[pumpkin13]

i chose my bf in this situation..i realized maybe what i feel for the other guy is just temporary..i don't know..my bf's not letting me go and so i decided maybe i shouldn't let go..really..

[piao_liang]

confusing... i've been in that same kind of situation but i still chose my boyfriend for 4 years, sabi ko nalang sa sarili ko na it's hard to start from scratch again with another guy and besides tried and tested ko na si bf and i know he won't leave me, yun nga lang kailangan tangappin ang consequences sa mga nagawa ko... pero i know i made the right decision.

[cremebrulee]

Sad story.
Assess your feelings first. You deserve to be happy with someone you really love. 

[mademoiselleatwork]

thanks for sharing this ....so many of us can really relate to it. 

[gwacie]

so sad sis. choosing is never easy.

[anniegurl]

Same goes with me. Every single thing you said was true. I was having fun with him. He makes me laugh more the him. I enjoy just being with him. He had plans for us, he protects and cares for me. Siguro mga sis, kasi when youre in a long relationship you tend to take each other for granted. Kaya when someone showers you with attention, na coconfuse tayo. So with the new one every small thing is big for us. Ganun nangyari sakin, its not that i regret it. Sabi nga nila diba never regret the things that made you smile. Pero deep inside me naiisip ko sana pala prumeno ako.

[merrick]

this is me. i am in this situation right now. so confusing. i dont know what to do. there are so many things to consider, people will get hurt. Risk...risk and risk.

hay....

[pumpkin13]

i still can't decide..

[chai_chikay]

as the song goes "torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool, loving both of you is breaking all the rules.."

confused  hahay..

[sweetbiatch_15]

Everyday he would make me smile. When I frown, he gets worried. And I like it when he's worried because he would automatically plant small kisses on my forehead. You know how I like being kissed on my forehead. He could make my heart skip a bit every time I see him, everytime I'm near him. I feel secure everytime he holds me like he's never letting me go. When he ties his fingers on mine, I feel like we're going to hold each other forever. I felt like a princess.

And now I'm confused. And I'm guilty. It's because everytime I feel happy with him, I should be feeling happy WITH YOU. Everytime I laugh with him, I should be laughing with you. And everytime he says he misses me, you should be saying those words and i should be missing you as well, not him.

super sad naman nito! sniff!

[offline]

very sad 

[jefelin24taz]

it is so hard to be in this situation. you never know if you made the right decision. i think you should trust your heart and be firm in your decision.   but sometimes, girls like us  somtimes mgpaka martyr nlng because we are too afraid to take risk..      

[sweetbiatch_15]

saka dito papasok yung what if..

what if sinunod mo nga yung emotions mo pero you are wrong..?
what if kung sino pa yung pinakawalan mo, siya pala yung magpapasaya sa'yo?
what if hindi ganun katindi yung intensity or yung love ng taong pinili mo?

hai.

[rome01]

sis pumpkin, try to contemplate and list down the things that would make you stay with your bf, he wont let you go, he must really love you that much, maybe there's something that you both need to work on your relationship...focus on that, since confused ka, pero it also means na mahal mo pa din bf mo and actually ang nagpapaconfuse sayo yung isang guy, worth it ba kung iiwan mo si bf? kasi part talaga yung makasakit ka ng feelings, pero if he loves you, he'll be happy for you if your happy, is he the type na ok lang maski di kana masaya? maybe nagkukulang lang kayo sa time ng bf mo, and yung friend mo, just the one who's filling that gap and naooverwhelm ka lang ng emotions mo pag happy ka kasama siya...
pero, remember, hindi lahat masusubukan mo sa saya, sa pagsasabi mo lang na mas masaya ka sa isa and not sure ka na for your bf, sobra na siya nasaktan, but still he chose not to let you go, that's really something, syempre ibang usapan na yung ayaw mo na talaga pero ayaw niya