i have my story to share. i am a 100% chinese girl who fell in love with a filipino guy. I didnt plan to and I tried not to. We just had this chemistry that made us close. I never lied to him, he was well aware of the fact that my parents/family would never approve or maybe have a hard time accepting things. I was reserved at first, but he was able to convince me that he love me and he would stay with me whatever will happen.
We were okay for around 4 years. He made me happy and feel special, something i never felt before. We hardly fought, even close to never, I cant remember any instance we did. It was everything i wanted in a relationship, but i kept from my family, I wanted to be sure I will be able to fight for him, to make all the love and understanding he gave me worth it.
He met another girl, someone who was aware of our sitation, but still chose to take our differences as an opportunity. He started to like her. I gave way, it was so painful. I never asked him to come back, the most i did was to ask him why it happened. All he said was, the heart wants what it wants... that phrase alone, i will never forget. it's his way of telling me, i dont love u anymore.
It was hard, and painful, no matter how sad or how lonely or how much i wanted to cry, i have to hold back tears at home. I release all my frustrations when i am not at home... I cry on the plane, on the mrt, bus, in the office. I know i was a pitiful site bec people at work started telling me to go home, or take a vacation. Home is not where i wanted to be. I find it harder to pretend i am ok. I thought nothing can hurt me more, until he started calling me, crying... he doesnt want to tell me the reason, but i know someone is making him unhappy. It went on like this for some time, I have to put away my hurt, to make sure he was ok. We never really talk about things, i'll just go thru the torture of hearing him hurt, then he will be ok again -- they will be ok again.
Months passed, and he decided to come back. I still love him, and i took him back, no questions asked. I never knew what happened to them bec he doesnt want to talk about things, all i know was he is back. with all my foolishness, i finally told my family about him, thinking he would realize that i am serious about working things out and that i really loved him. i took every painful thing hurled against me. i expected it, i made the decision, i chose this path. i knew they will never understand. people asked me if it's worth it, i never knew, i just hope it would be worth it. i thought it will be like what he promised, he will always be there for me, he'll never leave. we were happy for a while, but i saw how he has changed. he lost patience, and he doesnt care much anymore. if i am sad or depressed, he tells me it's my own doing, i should be more positive and i should move on. he didnt even bother to see how much i am giving up for him. several nights i will wait for him to get home safely, little did i know, he was making sure someone else gets home safely.
The happy ending always evade me. I found out he was still constantly seeing her. I asked him why again... i got no answer. he didnt know as well. I gave up everything, my family, for nothing.... for something he didnt know. as the tears fall, he's with her again right now. it's her bday and it is his grand responsibility to be there being a responsible man.
i am alone now. I am so crushed that i dont even feel anything anymore. I dont know where to go, I dont know what to pursue. Any plans i had need to change again. I dont know what i want, I dont know where i want to be. The future is a blank wall for me. I dont want to even go home. I was warned about this when i said i will fight for him. My mom said, never to come back crying when he leaves me. The family is not very forgiving, seeing me crying and hurt now would justify their views more. I did not listen, I followed my heart. this is the outcome... i have to live with.
No one knows the turmoil inside me. I laugh and smile when i wanted to cry. I still cry in public, I cry before i sleep, I cry in the shower, I cry when people starts showing they care for me. some peoply might think that i am wallowing in self pity, but i am just hurting. I am scared and I am scarred. something, somewhere died inside of me, but i need to be strong. I made the decision, I suffer the consequences. Some people just cant handle the consequences that's why they leave. you really cant blame them, bec losing the family, and eventually losing the one u love is not easy. It's hard to be alone.