PAOLO, that was a perfectly realistic "take". God bless you.
What really wounds the heart is that the person we love, and expect to protect and cherish us turns out to be -- the enemy, and worst, "the enemy within".
You know why women stay in abusive relationships? Because of HOPE.
Yes, the abuser is such an expert at manipulating the abused's capacity to hope.
A string of abuse, then a period of peace/ceasefire. Abused thinks: "Oh he is so good and contrite when he does not have a tantrum. Pagdadasal ko magbago. I will try to be better, parang hindi na magagalit. bleh bleh bleh" Such bullsh*t!
"HOPE KILLS!" is what I say.
It is only you, the abused, who can stop the abusive script. Kahit na your whole barangay and family + friends line up to get you out, if you do not make the decision yourself for yourself -- babalikan at babalikan mo pa that trahedya.
I have been there and done that, done some and more than survived.
What can I tell our mga Sis caught in these sad relationships?
1. Pray Pray and say: "Thy will be done."
Do not strike a deal with God; do not ask for an outcome
(as in "gawin nyo pong mabait si X" or
"gawin nyo po akong viuda with a new car" LOL)
2. Talk to someone COMPETENT (kasi hindi okay "the blind leading the blind"),
NON-JUDGMENTAL (kasi puede pa ba yang "till death do us part" or "patience
is a virtue" -- eh girl, pinapatay ka na nga -- physically or emotionally); and
OBJECTIVE (meaning, does not know you from Adam/Eve so hindi ka
makaka hear ng mga ganito, for example:
"Ano?! Ang charming ang bait ng husband mo, pano nag ka ganun?!
or even: Ano?! Ang sarap sarap ng buhay mo, at least you are
suffering in comfort! (Narinig ko yan from my own mom,
hindi ko alam at that moment if I wanted to bang her head or
mine, honestly. )
Mga Sis, some of your posts here really felt heavy on my heart.
I hope you will not take it against me that I PM'd some of you (before this post na ayaw kong gawin kasi I have to go back to relive some of the past) to please set an appointment with ROSE YENKO asap. She is competent, objective, and non-judgmental.
My advocacy is to help, in any way, women in abusive relationships.
I believe God engineered I meet Rose shortly before the tsunami of my life hit in 2006. Actually, I knew the tsunami was coming -- but a husband is of of course a male that will always deny, deny, deny while putting me through abuse, abuse, abuse. Rose made me see clearly what I was, where I was and what I let myself become. And she helped me sort out by myself, for myself what my options were -- and what I wanted for myself. So when the tsunami hit -- I was not 1 of the beach bathers who drowned. Instead, I was 1 of the elephants nakatakbo to higher ground for self preservation.
Mga Sis, my husband changed totally. Miracle talaga!
He is now so patient and loving, everyday.
He is no longer abusive, he is trustworthy na (sabi nya, sige).
Ang bagong script nya eh: I have devoted and continue to devote my life to my family, at hindi ako ang sisira nito. I will make you (ako yon ha!
), and ikaw lang and the kids as even before pa, happy for the rest of our lives.
Ganon ka corny, mga Sis, but he lives it every single day.
But I will still tell you --yes, pray but DO NOT HOPE for miracles. If God gives you 1, fine -- He gives you what is in your best interest in the long run. But do not wait and wait and wait for it. God helps those who help themselves. Waiting and waiting is not helping yourself.
Sa mga Sis na hindi ko na PM -- if you are ready to get some relief -- to see yourself and where you are truthfully and clearly --- if you want to make that 1st small step PAOLO hinted at -- go to Rose Yenko. PM me and I will give you her contact numbers. Tell her your new friend AquaCharly will pay for your 1st session (1 hour). Mga Sis, sometimes all we need is just 1 hour with a person like Rose. So please go.
Anytime you should decide you want to go see Rose -- kahit na next year kung hindi ka pa ready now -- do not hesitate to namedrop me with Rose.
In the meantime, remember that it is only ourselves who should define ourselves. Know yourself so that nobody will have the power over your peace of mind. Nobody has the right to demean nor be cruel to you.
Mga Sis, an hour with Rose is a valuable gift you can give yourself, believe me.
God bless us all, mga Sis.
O sige, pati si PAOLO -- God bless Paolo.
(hwag ka mapikon ha, heavy na on the heart kasi the postings here.