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Author Topic: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional  (Read 104060 times)

scorpiowolf

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Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« on: September 06, 2007, 05:03:41 PM »
Hi! Im trying to sort things out with my marriage right now by separating from my husband. Although Im not closing any doors, I really dont know what will happen at this point. All I know is that I will not go back into that marriage if things dont CHANGE, and if he doesnt commit to making the changes.

First of all my husbad verbally abuses me. I dont want to go into the details of that abuse bec verbal abuse is something very difficult to understand unless you are a victim yourself. My best friend has known of the verbal abuse, but she had to witness my husband and me fighting one time for her to understand the kind of abusive hell i was telling her about! She cried for days in pity for me after she heard my husband rage on me, and for the first time she understood how abusive my husband was. She was crying to me and telling me to get out of the marriage for my own sake and my sons sake, bec I was being treated like an animal. (Sad reality is though that many people undermine verbal abuse bec its difficult to understand. One must experience/witness it to know it.)

2nd, physical abuse. I wouldnt say Im your typical battered wife, who has suffered many brusies and loosened teeth (Thank God!). But nevertheless, there have been times Id feel violated. Ive been dragged, pulled (while holding our baby), shoved, pinned down on different instances. I have been punched but only on one incident and he only punched me 2x that incident. I dunno, am I exaggerated about the physical abuse, or am i in denial about being abused? Point is the fights have escalated and Im worried now that hes officially "hit" me, its something that he will keep doing. I always thought doesnt matter how bad you get hurt, but a woman should never be physically hurt under any circumstance.

3rd, Infidelity. He has been infaithful repeatedly over the course of our short marriage. Once was even at a time when I had left him and he was begging me back and promising me the moon and stars. Little did i know, he was unfaithful that exact same time. He would beg me to go out with him, Id say no, then after I say no, hed go straight to the girls house.

I was no perfect wife by any means. U had many many shortcomings. But these are my reasons for wanting time apart, and considering if it should be a permanent separation. Its the most difficult thing in the world. But I need to stop the cycle. I deserve to be treated better, and my son deserves to grow up in a more peaceful environment.

Lastly, I decided to make this thread bec after i posted on another thread about the story of my most recent bout of abuse, someone emailed me asking for help and advice bec she was recently very battered and beat up by her husband. I tried to give her the best advice I could, but unfortunately she never replied and often I wonder how she is. I guess she just wanted to reach out, just like I myself feel the need to reach out when Im at my lowest of lows. Reaching out unloads a lot of my burden, and its very comforting sometimes when you hear of people who carries that same burden, even if the sharing and reaching out is all done in anonimity.

« Last Edit: September 06, 2007, 05:16:14 PM by scorpiowolf »

gorgeous_mommie

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2007, 05:11:14 PM »
i feel so sorry for you..sorry for us...
"Dont get mad when a girl cares too much. Worry when she starts not to care at all"

ebiko

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2007, 07:08:57 PM »
good thing sis, you've got the courage to break away from that kind of battery ...

its time to draw the line!
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Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. -- Elizabeth Stone

.:~ * ~:.

francescamari

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2007, 04:28:15 AM »
I don't think there is any justification for abuse. I feel bad that men actually do these things to hurt their wives and girlfriends just because they can't control their anger in any other way.

Anyway, I'm a 3rd year BS Psychology student from UP Diliman and my groupmates and I are working on a study about emotional abuse in romantic relationships (BF-GF and spousal) for our Field Methods final paper. We're actually looking for women ages 20-39 in BF-GF and spousal relationships for our interviews and FGDs. Would you happen to be interested to participate in either? Your confidentiality will be assured.

In case you're interested and you'd like to know more, please email me at chesca.sumilang AT yahoo DOT com :)

Hoping for your reply,
Chesca

sheluvsmemon

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2007, 08:21:52 PM »
scorpiowolf , im sorry to hear that sis, i hope you will find peace in any decision youre going to make...i will pray for you and your son sis....Take Care
Life is all about choices...

gorgeous_mommie

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2007, 04:51:47 PM »
oh my.. i feel bad for you talaga sis... sana nga powerfull na ang batas natin re battered wifes issues na yan.......
"Dont get mad when a girl cares too much. Worry when she starts not to care at all"

Starlust

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2007, 05:01:59 PM »
Sorry to hear about your situation.

I was a victim of extreme verbal and physical abuse by an ex-boyfriend.

It took me a while to get out of the horrible situation I was in but I'm ok now. It's true that it takes a long time for battered women to say with finality that they'll leave their abusive partners; but once you see the light - you'll never go back :)
"Give a girl the right pair of shoes, and she can conquer the world." - Marilyn Monroe

scorpiowolf

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2007, 07:29:58 PM »
^^ sis how did you do it? how did you finally move on?

betrayed0403

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2007, 11:56:40 PM »
sis scorpiowolf, i have been in the same boat as you are now. obvious naman sa username ko, di ba? :D
i have been in those horrible moments...tinatanong ko nga sarili ko kung normal pa ako eh. hehe
i was a medical student, dropped out and got married at age 22. had 3 children and was a plain housewife for 12 years! i threw my ultimate dream for my husband. i thought it will be all worth it pero hindi pala...
siguro, you will agree with me... the most painful thing a woman could possibly bear is infidelity. mahirap dalhin. parang something's taken away from you.
but you know, God really had other plans for me that's why i can't complain. i still feel blessed! i just waited for His moves... and everything leaned towards a better direction. i am now working, the way I see myself and the world changed (before, parang ang bitter bitter ko, parang ang pangit pangit ko)... and with God's grace... little by little... my marriage is restored.
sis, i know you're in a very difficult situation right now. ako nga, 4 years na 'yong betrayal pero 'pag naaalala ko, naiiyak pa rin ako (kahit na nakita ko na 'yong girl sa friendster...ang pangit pala! hahaha sinayang ko luha ko, my dear! LOL) :D. pray and be strong for your kids.  :)
hay naku, give yourself a break. forgiving a person isn't about feelings... it is a decision to make. and if you're ready to forgive him, do it. well, trusting (or loving) him isn't included in the package. he has to do something extraordinary to win you back. love yourself. give yourself a time to think and to heal.
and lastly... nakita mo na ba 'yong other woman? for sure, mas maganda ka sa kanya... mas matalino... mas mabait... why? logic will dictate na kung maganda ang isang babae, sensible and kind... hindi siya papatol sa married man! hindi ba? no'ng single tayo, we can choose our man (well, hindi nga lang naging tama ang choice... LOL) pero, maraming manliligaw and having a married man as a lover was never an option (personally ha?)!
smile ka na... paganda ka ulit, sis... sabi nga ng friend ko: "Looking good is the greatest revenge."
if you need someone to talk to, just send me an email. i will be glad to give you my two cents.
God bless...
« Last Edit: September 21, 2007, 12:09:08 AM by betrayed0403 »
If you're hurt, concentrate on what's left... not on what's lost.

cher.liman

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #9 on: September 21, 2007, 01:58:33 AM »
i feel for u sis scorpiowolf, i was a victim of verbal, physical and emotional abuse by my first bf too. i also understand how it feels when during those times all u want is a hug and reach out to someone, it makes a very huge diff.

Sui_Generis

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2007, 08:28:53 AM »
I'd been thinking if I should contribute in this thread or not, protecting a part of my past I dare not speak. But I guess I see no reason why I should pass up the opportunity to reach out to those who are in this situation today or not so long ago.

I know this will be a long one so pardon me.

I had quite a handful of boyfriends before I had my first same sex relationship. I never experienced any abuse of any sort with my previous boyfriends that's why when I had a lesbian partner, I thought it'll just be the same but turns out, I was in for a very, very unpleasant surprise.

She's not the butch/dyke type of lesbian. She dresses like a real femme and came from a reputable family from Cebu. She's an IT entrepreneur and a very educated one.

We were together for 7 months and I thank God I mustered the courage to get out of that relationship in no time.

Our first month was sheer bliss -- she'd cook for me, we'd go out a lot and had a great time until she revealed her true self the following month.

She's promiscuous, a liar, a cheater and physically and verbally abusive person.

She went to bed with different women while we were still together and that included having intercourse with her ex-girlfriend who cheated on her for a guy and the ex has a very loose reputation as well. I learned about all of these because I "hacked" her e-mail account when inconsistencies became apparent. I knew it was bad and unclassy of me but what's a girl got to do when the push turned to shove?

Apart from screwing her ex, one night stand were among her fave sexual activities - her chatmates, credit card agents, clients and prospects for her webhosting company -- she would all bed them so long as there was a willing participant.

The greatest revelation though to me came as a shocking one. Her little webhosting company, her condo rental etc were being financed by a Iranian-American guy who's as old as my grandfather and it turned out, they were not just business partners but they were romantically involved.

Talk about perversity!

And when I learned of her indiscretions and confronted her, she was so shocked but a smooth talker that she was and because I was lovefool and inexperienced, I forgave her and that's when my life became hell.

She's verbally abusive to the point that I totally lost my self-esteem and believed I was no good and nobody would ever love me. I let her demean me and my family and I just swallowed her insults. I let her mock my family just because we were not that financially endowed compared to her. I lost the person I used to be.

She didnt stop there though. Apart from her uncontrollable womanizing, she was so physically abusive. I would not want to go into details but let me tell you bruises, hematoma, scratches, bite marks and what-have-you were common during those days. But mind you, she knew where to strike. She wouldn't hit me at those areas which remained visible and concentrated on those that are usually covered. I would go to graduate school everyday as if I had come from an initiation rites and sitting in a chair was a Herculean task.

I was even more afraid of contracting disease because of her promiscuity. I come from a family of doctors and nurses and that would be embarrassing should I acquire any disease. Not to mention, outrightly unhygienic. When I refused all her sexual advances, she got furious and that started most of the beating.

I never told a soul what I was going through. I didnt want to burden anybody nor admit implicitly that taking her as a partner was a mistake.

December 2004, after 7 agonizing months, when I called it quits. I just woke up one morning and it dawned on me that she'd never change. That no matter how hard I try to make her feel that she was loved by me, the abuses wouldnt stop. That by staying longer, I was giving her enough reasons to hurt me in unimaginable ways.

Fast forward 2007. I can say I am happy and at peace now. I am with a lesbian lover who treats me right and accordingly. She knows of my past and had accepted me and taught me that nobody has the right to hurt me or any person for that matter. My family and friends helped me when I was searching for my old self. I am pursuing my dream in the legal profession and has been blessed to be loved by people around me.

Sometimes, smart women commit stupid mistakes. It's what they had learned and the act of preventing themselves to do the same mistakes that matters after coming out of the hell hole.

My ex still communicates with me (the nerve) and wants me back. From what I know, she's financially troubled and has never had any constant lover.

It's called karma, baby and it goes around...

 8)
« Last Edit: September 21, 2007, 08:32:34 AM by Sui_Generis »

girlie11

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #11 on: January 02, 2008, 05:21:13 PM »
hi sis scorpiowolf, it's been 3 months. kamusta ka na?

sorry medyo late akong napunta sa thread na ito.. just that there has been very recent incident to a member of my family that was on this same situation. abusive husband. actually ang trato na nga nung lalake sa babae is parang alipin. tipong kahit may sakit yung wife, sya pa yung inuutusan bumili ng sigarilyo nya (hubby). he's never appreciative of the wife too, kung laitin sa harap ng barkada nya ganun-ganun na lang.. to think wala naman syang contribution sa family nila financially. this has been going on for quite sometime until may nangyari na nga na incident na napuno na yung wife. ayun nagpunta na sya sa womens desk to file RA9262 - Anti-violence against women act. On your situation, this would also apply. why not try it?

hope this helps.
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beautycraze2

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2008, 01:45:05 AM »
psychological abuse was the most demeaning thing that my partner has done to me.he is very nice in all aspects, very responsible, does the household chores, sweet and caring but i can never forget the fact that during the times that we were cool off, he had sex with a prostitute by going to airforce1 flight 168 na brothel house in paranaque.and also with the friend of his barkada. he has committed those things in a week that we  were not together, when i found out about it, sobrang sorry siya, sising sisi daw siya.iyak siya ng iyak asking for another chance. it was very hard for me, pero considering our pinagsamahan, it was the only wrong thing that he did during our relationship.sobrang sakit pero i still gave him a chance, kasi i feel lost without him.kahit na im a very strong person in a lot of aspects, like striving for my own business, being the eldest, financially independent and all, pag dating sa relationship, sobrang hina ko, di ko nakaya na wala siya... when i gave him a second chance, ang naging problema ko naman is i caught him a lot of times, with lots of porns(dvds, stored in his laptop) and pix of women sa laptop nya na pinagpapantasyahan niya.i felt so sick about it. nandidiri talaga ako, and i cant believe im still with this person. iniisip ko nga, t**** ko naman, o ang laki siguro ng deficit ng pagkatao ko bakit di ko pa kayang iwan siya kahit diring diri ako sa mga ginagawa niya..and also prior to our relationship, he made kwento pa how he had orgy sessions with his barkada and dami na niyang naka sex more than 20 including ONS, tapos pina painom pa nila yung babae ng valium with alcohol para bagsak, semi rape nga.. pero with me, i did not experience any of it. we were friends and lovers at the same time and i cant believe that he has this other side about himself. i feel very abused.i pray that i can get out of this relationship someday

DrQuinn

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #13 on: February 19, 2008, 05:24:12 AM »
Have u tried t ocall the women's helpdesk??? It would be the best thing (i think) to do.
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tamarind26

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #14 on: February 19, 2008, 06:02:21 AM »
I feel for all the battered women out there.Being a survivor of what-used-to-be a troubled marriage, I can say now that it's a matter of choice & strong faith.Lahat na yata nadaanan na namin ni hubby except nalang yung infidelity.Because of one incident that almost cost hubby his life, dun na niya na-realize na kailangan na niyang magbago.He did & it was God's divine intervention that made him change.

Ang pinakamahirap lang for me that time is forgiveness.Di pa ako nakarecover emotionally agad nun.It took years for me to heal.Dumating nalang one day na wala na yung pain na nararamdaman ko sa kanya & I felt na I've totally forgiven him na.

So painful to remember pero the experience made us both stronger & better persons now.Keep the faith mga sis.You are not alone in all your struggle.
M * A * Y * A * N * G * K * Y

oracLe

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #15 on: February 20, 2008, 01:51:04 AM »
oh well, ako bata pa ko lagi na ko nagugulpi ng mga tito ko, lalo na nung nasa abroad mom ko...hanggang nung andito na sya ule kase tapat lang ng bahay namin yung bahay ng isa kong tito...hanggang sa nakalipat na kami dito sa QC, may times na andito sila...

pero di ko lang matanggap pati younger bro ko...mas bata sya pero ang laki nya hehe kumpara saken ang liit-liit ko. siguro natatawanan ko na lang kase ilang taon na rin, parang nasanay na lang ako :)

Pattybee

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #16 on: February 20, 2008, 10:22:16 AM »
scorpiowolf, congratulations on being able to step out of that troubled marriage so you can clear your head and decide what's best for you and for your son. Good thing your husband agreed to this temporary separation. I've never been abused by a man (thank God) but I know others who've been and still are in your situation. I know it took a lot of courage for you to leave, even if you feel it's not on a permanent basis yet. The fact that you managed to convince yourself that it's time to think things over seriously.

I feel sorry for all the women I know who haven't been able to gather enough strength to leave their abusive husbands. I always pray for those I know who want to start fresh but can't because they don't know how.

I wish you all the best.

trizh

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #17 on: February 22, 2008, 07:18:14 PM »
  -- wow.. wala akong masabe kundi wow.. tapang mo sis.. saludo ako sayo..  :) wish you all the best..
Learn to wait for the perfect time so that you may discover that all pain found in waiting has a magnificent and awesome purpose ϋ

sugardrop

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #18 on: February 26, 2008, 07:39:31 AM »
wow---the word that immediately popped into my mind when i finished reading the posts here.

i admire you all and good luck. :)
A little backreading won't hurt.

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delphinos2005

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Re: Abused Women Support Group: Verbal, Physical, Emotional
« Reply #19 on: March 01, 2008, 01:20:37 PM »
i am an advocate of womens' rights, and reading your stories here makes me wanna cry...

it really takes a lot of strength to get out of an abusive relationship.... and for all those who had the courage to break away, i congratulate you...


 

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