FN Blog - Seven heads are better than one!

“Alam mo kung bakit ka iniwan ni Robert? It’s because you’re very, very sick. More than a dreaded disease! At wala pang nahahanap na gamot diyan. You have no brain. Boba!”

This is one of my favorite dialogues from a local film. I don’t remember who delivered it, but isn’t it just so juicy and catty? Ah, the vicious catfight, classic girl on girl action. It might not have the phallic toys, but boys still love to watch it, and women revel in its exchange of uniquely female ferocity.

I have been witness to several girl fights, some physical, but mostly verbal. From the high school mean girls who suddenly burst out in okray laughter when their “loser” target passes by, to the feisty querida challenging the obedient wife to a fight, female venom spells a slow, painful death for the recipient. When two females come face to face, ready for battle, they’re not there to make the other girl hit the ground, they’re there to break each other’s hearts like no man can. They know where a female hurts the most, and the exchange of verbal bombs and punches, whether from the inane: “hello, mas maganda kaya ako sayo! Ang itim ng kilikili mo noh! Parang aspalto!” to the hurtful truth : “Ayaw na niya sa iyo. Ako ang pinili niya,” a broken female spirit takes years and years to heal, if ever.

I vividly remember being a quiet witness to a highly-charged female confrontation. The wife meets the querida. The wife asked her husband to drive her to the querida’s house. Husband obliges, but without making unnecessary turns and stops, hoping that the wife will change her mind and just go home with him. He has, after all, ended the affair, and the querida was just a woman scorned. He knew it was a mistake, and was hoping wife would see that. The drive is like one long, deep breath before a dive into icy water. The physical shock on impact forces the air out of your lungs and the water is so cold it burns your skin. They get to the house, and the querida is by the gate. She was called by the wife earlier, and told to expect the visit. She has just taken a shower, and has a faint bulge under her floral house dress. The wife comes down, in all her former-vice-president-of-a-huge-company glory, and orders her husband to get out of the car. He quietly declines and stays in the car with the engine off.

“Nandito ako para sabihin sa yo na sa yo na ang asawa ko. Ayoko na sa kanya and I don’t need him. Ang hinihiling ko lang sayo ay huwag mo ng guluhin ang pamilya ko. Wag ka na tumawag sa bahay. Wag mo kausapin ang mga anak ko. Dahil pag ginulo mo pa ako, idedemanda kita. Tignan natin kung sino unang maubusan sa atin ng pera. May asawa ka. Alam ba ng family mo ang mga pinaggagagawa mo? Pupuntahan ko ang mga kamaganak at pamilya mo at ipapaalam ko sa kanila na puta ka.”

The querida stays seated in her chair, and the wife remains standing in her Ferragamo high heels.

With pleading eyes she replies, “Sorry. Mahal ko po ang asawa niyo,” and stays quiet.

Husband never did go down the car. And he took days and months of attacks from the wife as penance. Wife packed his clothes in boxes and kicked him out. But he never left. He was home by 3pm everyday. He took her to his place of business as often as she wanted. He surrendered his phone bill to her every month.

The wife will never be the same again, and neither will the querida. Female blood had been drawn and lives are changed forever.