FN Blog - Seven heads are better than one!

The day Erap was to be sentenced, I was at home pondering on a judgment issue of my own. I had started this blog, with the giddy excitement of anyone trying something for the first time, and also a bit of nervousness since I was charting unfamiliar territory. I come from a generation of students who never had computer classes up until college. And even then, we still did our presentations with Manila Papers and at most, overhead projectors. So this whole blog job, which I was doing with some old friends and new acquaintances, was something entirely new and foreign to me.

Our first topic assignment was to introduce ourselves, define who we are. After turning in my first entry, I anxiously waited for it to be posted. On the day of the blog launch, my mentor and friend, Myrza, texted me that she liked my first entry! That meant so much to me that I saved her text in my phone. And then as soon as I clicked on the address on the computer, there they were, blog attacks, vicious and rude remarks directed at me and my children. I didn’t know what to make of them. Was this normal in cyberspace? Why me?

I tried to be civil and just let the comments slide. But at home, I was starting to wonder if I should go on with this blog business. I mean, I don’t NEED to do this. I like having the chance to work with my former Summit colleagues again, but if it means exposing myself to all this negative energy, maybe I should just quit this. People I didn’t know were attacking me and my family. I don’t mind comments on my writing, or if they find my post boring, that’s constructive criticism, but personal attacks from complete strangers?

Summit investigated the matter as they found the remarks offensive themselves, and they discovered that several cyber names were coming from just one source. Someone was making-up several names to be able to attack me as different persons. So much effort to piss me off! And for what? I seriously considered backing out from this blog. I didn’t want to stress over a complete stranger’s efforts to bring me down. I talked to my husband, my Mom and my good friend Ria. They all advised me to just quit it if it was causing me stress.

While thinking about the issue, Amara and Mateo entered the room and started pulling me to read a book to them. As we lay down on the couch, with their little arms around my neck and waist, I suddenly had a realization. These, my children’s hugs and little kisses on my cheek, were real. This was my life and my reality. The vicious words glaring at me from the computer screen aren’t. The persons who typed them are not, and will not, be part of my world. As they furiously tap on their keyboards and think of ways to validate their existence by churning out words of anger, I am at home, with my family, with all the love I’ll ever need.

So here I am, making another entry. I was supposed to write about my reaction to Erap’s sentence, but I have instead decided to share my own experience with being judged. I’m sure some people will dislike this, some people will be supportive, but at the end of the day, what other people think of me don’t matter that much anymore. I know who I am and I’m happy.