FN Blog - Seven heads are better than one!

The -ber months are here and I guess the countdown to the bafflingly long Filipino Christmas season has begun.

I’m a fan of the Christmas season. But I’m not a rabid one. I like Christmas colors and carols but I can’t stand fruitcake. For some reason, Santa Claus has always creeped me out. I just can’t bring myself to trust an old man with a sack whose hobby is to let kids to sit on his lap. (But that’s just me, kids. Santa is real.)

I’ve also spent a few Christmases alone and I was never tempted to cry—although I once called a child protection hotline to ask advice about some of my troubles. That was way back when I was 18 and all I wanted was to shift out of my BS Nursing course. Needless to say, the lady who answered the phone seemed annoyed that I wasn’t some adorable kid who was getting beaten up. I told her that the hotline was the closest I could get to being with a shrink. Besides, I reasoned, “I’m still ‘bata.” Of course, the irked lady hung up on me after she said, “Stay with your family no matter what.” Baffled, I just went on to gobble up my stash of junk food until I got blisters on my tongue.

Anyway, other than that incident, Christmas has remained a “fine enough” time for me. It’s just like any other time of the year—except that the malls have more “sales” and taxi drivers get more ruthless.

As for presents, I’m easy to please. A big notebook with nice paper and instant oatmeal in sachets would make me happy. This is why it was easier for me to come up with a list of things that I know I won’t be getting. But, heck, a girl can dream.

These are the things I know I won’t be getting:

1. Daniel Craig (I want him delivered to me wearing a smile and nothing else.)

2. High-quality decent sleep (I’ve been an insomniac since I was seven.)
3. An authentic opium bed from China. (I’ve spent all my money on paper products. Having an opium bed is the closest I want to get to a controlled substance.)
4. A pack of plastic balloon tubes (I want to reconnect with my inner child and it’s good training for the lips. What am I training my lips for? See No. 1.)
5. A Norwich Terrier who can pick up my laundry, meet up with my landlord, do my dishes, and clean my ref (Living alone and keeping an apartment in order is making me wish that I were still living in a dorm.)

Whoever it was who said that you shouldn’t want the things that you can’t have must have been someone who didn’t have much of an imagination. Take it from me. Sometimes some of the things that you think you want do you more good when they don’t ever materialize. I mean, I can’t risk finding out some imperfection about Daniel Craig. Will I still want him if, say, he has dandruff? I don’t know.

Isn’t it amazing how Christmas really brings about such life-changing realizations? I say play those carols and lead me to the cardboard reindeers. I’m ready for the season of joy.

Bring it on, Santa! (Sorry, I’m never going to sit on your lap.)