When we were newly married, one of the mothers in my life gave me this advice: always kiss each other’s rings at night and never sleep with both of you angry
. I thought that these were particularly wonderful suggestions and appealed to the romantic in me.
However, every night, my husband would balk at having to kiss each other’s rings. Well, he would rather kiss me, he said! He found it corny, pilit
, and just not him. Of course in the beginning I insisted. This was advice from a woman who had been married successfully for long! Maybe this was the secret!
Yikes—as it turned out, I didn’t like wearing my wedding ring pala
. My fat finger felt constricted, trapped and uncomfortable (kinda like the same feeling I get wearing a bra). When I get home, these are the first things I take off.
And what was with the not sleeping angry? I didn’t know how to do that, either. Apparently, I needed time to be angry
and so did he. There is something magical about sleeping and waking up refreshed and turning to each other in the light of day with renewed perspective. And there are some arguments that do not get resolved right away, and clocking an argument is not helpful. Transformation, seeing the other’s point of view, empathizing, and all that love work, also require time.
At least in this marriage.