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Stephanie Castillo, Contributor
 
January 09, 2010

Miriam Quiambao talks dependence, divorce and getting her life back

The former beauty queen shares how she lost her identity and independence in her marriage. Here's how to avoid falling into this trap. By Stephanie Castillo
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miriam_quiambao_womens_health.jpg“When I was married, I was so dependent on my husband. He gave me an allowance. I didn’t feel I was of any use,” Miriam Quiambao confesses in the January-February 2010 issue of Women’s Health. The beauty queen-turned-supermodel’s divorce from her Hong Kong-based husband was finalized late last year; in the Philippines, her annulment is currently in the works.

Back in 2004, Quiambao wed restaurateur Claudio Rondinelli in a romantic beach ceremony in Boracay, after a year-long courtship by the Italian businessman. But the couple’s split only a few years later was marked by speculations that Rondinelli gave the Miss Universe runner-up “more money than time or attention,” as reported by Pep.ph. In any event, Quiambao’s statement to Women’s Health on the entire matter is a succinct one: “I’m satisfied.”

So many other women have undergone Miriam’s experience—of gaining a husband, but losing their independence in the process. A marriage is a union, to be sure, and spouses will certainly depend on one another for mutual support. But too much of this dependence often leads to only one partner fully developing their potential (which, in most cases, is the husband). If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are some tips to help you regain—and maintain—your independence.

Never lose your own identity. Separate identities are important to the success of a marriage, as noted in Womenrepublic.co.uk’s marriage tips. Reflect on who you were, what you liked and disliked, and what you wanted from life before you tied the knot, and keep this in mind the next time you say “we think this way” or “we prefer this thing.”

Cultivate separate interests. Pursue what you love! You don’t have to drag your husband to a pottery class or accompany him to every screening of Pacquiao’s matches—what’s the use of doing these things together when one of you is in it half-heartedly? One of the points in this Weddingchaos.co.uk article advises married folks to do their own thing, once in a while, in order to maintain a degree of independence in such a close relationship.

Avoid overextending yourself. Strike a balance between what you do for your partner and what you do for yourself, as counselled by this Marital Communication guide on how to be a good spouse. Do too little for him and too much for yourself, and your hubby will feel the pangs of neglect; but flip the situation around, and you might find yourself at his beck and call, like a 24-hour nursemaid/secretary/personal assistant.

Honor your own happiness. Everyone wants to be happy, but as this Ehow.com article on how to find independence in marriage says, women should take responsibility for their happiness. This means that the measure of your own sense of liberty and fulfilment in a marriage should ultimately be determined by no one else—not even your wonderful husband—but yourself. This is why most women of today live their lives honoring their chosen careers, friends, and passions, long after getting married.

Communicate. As in all relationship dilemmas, open lines of communication are key. This amazingly simple tip from the Marital Communication guide tells us, “Don’t forget to share.” Be honest with your spouse about your fears and concerns, even if they seem petty or embarrassing, and work towards finding a solution together.

To find out more about Miriam Quiambao’s triumph over her dependency, as well as her new life after marriage, grab the latest issue of Women’s Health, which features her in its cover story.

 

(Photo courtesy of Women's Health)

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  • Aizen Feb 23 2010 @ 06:19am Report Abuse
       
    thanks for the tips, i really admire mirriam quiambao.
    Last modified A long time ago
  • cream_puffs Feb 23 2010 @ 07:26am Report Abuse
       
    aba divorced na pala sya..
    Last modified A long time ago
  • prettylass8831 Feb 26 2010 @ 09:27am Report Abuse
       
    Her ex husband is such a loser. Miriam has everything a man could ever want in a wife.
    Last modified A long time ago
  • Dan Mar 04 2010 @ 11:50am Report Abuse
       
    I was surprised also when i heard that she was divorced. But yeah. a lot really lose their independence and identity when they get married
    Last modified A long time ago
  • mamaii26 Mar 05 2010 @ 06:41am Report Abuse
       
    miriam is a great actress..
    Last modified A long time ago
  • moccacrazy Mar 06 2010 @ 09:58pm Report Abuse
       
    she's really pretty.
    Last modified A long time ago
  • Karla Mar 09 2010 @ 01:42am Report Abuse
       
    Good communication in a relationship is really the key :)
    Last modified A long time ago
  • happy_mommy Mar 11 2010 @ 03:27pm Report Abuse
       
    ooh, didn't know she got divorced.
    Last modified A long time ago
  • deejay Mar 13 2010 @ 10:28am Report Abuse
       
    Divorced na pala sya? Ngayon ko lang nalaman.
    Last modified A long time ago
  • millette05 Mar 16 2010 @ 10:07am Report Abuse
       
    Divorce has got to be one of the worst things a person has to go though. Some people try to work their problems out. But if you never truly feel cherished or completely loved, then why stay in a rut? Why torture yourself with feelings of self-doubt and insecurity? Everyone deserves better than that.

    People will only treat you as poorly as you would allow them to. So, Iâm glad that Miriam finally drew the line and moved on with her life. I hope that sheâll find someone who gives her the love and respect she deserves in due time.
    Last modified A long time ago
  • rex llonora Apr 27 2010 @ 01:01pm Report Abuse
       
    what makes me appreciate a lot about this person is her intelligence and straightforwardness attitude Everytime she speaks it has always the mixture of courage, simplicity of a real Filipino and versatility. She exemplifies the modern day filipina
    Last modified A long time ago
  • Angel Apr 27 2010 @ 03:57pm Report Abuse
       
    eh g*g* naman kasi siya eh, mukhang pera kaya ang bilis nagpakasal di naman niya gaanong kilala. Women should learn a lesson from her. Goldigging b*tch tapos she makes it look like siya yung kawawa. Alam naman niya what it was about in the first place.
    Last modified A long time ago
  • Angel Apr 27 2010 @ 03:59pm Report Abuse
       
    Haynaku paawa effect. Mukhang pera kaya ang bilis nagpakasal di naman niya gaanong kilala. Women should learn a lesson from her. Goldigger siya tapos she makes it look like siya yung kawawa. Alam naman niya what it was about in the first place.
    Last modified A long time ago
  • BoltonMia27 Sep 22 2010 @ 09:57pm Report Abuse
       
    Make your life time more simple get the credit loans and all you need.
    Last modified A long time ago
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Stephanie Castillo
Contributor
Stephanie Castillo is a freelance writer and fashion stylist. Her column, Stylewise, appears on FN every Friday... Read more...
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